Don't know what's going on, and it's tearing me apart

[Heartsick_Jester]

I'm new here, and this is a pretty crappy way to introduce myself, but here goes.

My hubby and I have been married for almost 3 years now. But for the last year and a half, our intimate life has dwindled down to practically nothing. We don't even fool around anymore. He never used to be able to keep his hands off of me.

We have a 10 month old baby, and I'll admit that I gained about 20 pounds during my pregnancy with him. But the "withdrawl" of sex ( or ANYTHING, for the most part) began before that. He went from being a very sexually dynamic person to one that really doesn't want anything to do with me seemingly overnight.

Now, please understand...this isn't about "getting off". If that's all it was, I could manage on my own. But I MISS him. I miss being close to him.

I've talked to him about this SEVERAL times (usually when my heart is broken and the pain is too much to bear) and it helps...for a little while. Then before even a month is up, it's right back to the way it was...him completely uninterested.

I don't know what to think. What's happening? What can I do?

[whichwayisup]

Suggest to him that you two need some marriage counselling so you can reconnect together again. Hopefully he'll be willing to go.

 

I know this isn't just about sex, it's about intimacy, feeling that love and closeness with your spouse.

 

Is he stressed out? Depressed? Or maybe having trouble coping being a father? How is he with your child? Is he a good loving father?

 

Remember too, that men tend to keep things to themselves, it's harder for them to open up and speak of their inner feelings and thoughts. Don't give up and definately go to counselling. If he is unwilling to go, you go for yourself.

[Lizzie60]

I suppose the sex diminish when you got pregnant... For some reason, this is quite common. I would have a serious talk with him...

 

I don't want to scare you, but it happens that men start an affair when their wife gets pregnant... not sure why but it's not uncommon.

 

Keep your eyes wide open.

[Bobster999]

I would agree---look for signs of an affair.

[icemaiden]

Hi,

 

Im in he exactly the same situation where my partner is just not interested in sex, he wont talk about it, come anywhere near me for cuddles its been about a month now but usually its about every 2 months. Im really sorry I cant offer you a solution, the only thing I can say is that you're not on your own. Again, like you its not just the sex I miss but the closeness and openness of him - again when we first got together he couldnt keep off me.

 

Its got to the stage now where Im about to leave as he wont talk. Does he listen to you when you tell him?

[curiousnycgirl]

This is almost never as simple as it seems. My b/f and I started out like gangbusters - had sex the first night we met, and could barely get the door closed for the first few months of our relationship - then it all stopped. For TWO years!

 

During those two years my self esteem went into the toilet. I felt I wasn't attractive enough, etc. despite his protestations to the contrary. I finally put my foot down and said either therapy or we are over.

 

He was surprisingly receptive to therapy and the results have been amazing. In the end it is all about his intimacy issues and fears. His libido dwindled when he realized he was in love with me (talk about backasswards!) - because he had unresolved issues.

 

I am very happy to say that through therapy we are now doing great.

 

Please do not take this personally, please know your husband probably loves you - but I would think he needs some help working through whatever issue are going on with him (that he won't discuss because he is a man!).

 

Good luck