Onelife Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Hi all, First of all, I would like to say YES IT DOES GET EASIER!!! Thank you for all your support on my last thread. It helps to find that I am not alone and somewhat....I don't want to disappoint myself and all the people here who cares and helps me by givng me their support which is really hard to find in this situation. Many times when I think about surrendering to the temptation of going back to him, not only I say out loud to myself that I deserve better! I also don't want to let you all down. It's such a great way to think. After a few tries of NC and time after time that xMM kept calling and telling me how much he loves me and our love is really strong and that's why we cannot stop our contacts and we cannot stop thinking about each other. I had to admit that I slipped back some. But after a day or two of trying to regain myself and focus on my determination, I insisted on this last big NC by using his own words that said "No one will ever love you more than I do". Well....I said to him "if you love me that much which I think you do, please do me a favour by letting me go. Please do not call me again even if you really want to because it hurts me and you don't want to do that to the one you love". He agreed to that. The point is like everyone here said it will get easier. It was so hard but it does get easier and this is how I do it after I first made the decision. Spend most of my free time at home on LS to read and leard from others.Stay active, spend time with close friends.Listen to good songs and cry when I feel I need to.Workout like crazy so I can sleep like a baby at night without worrying if he would call. I know I will feel better when morning comes.Think positive and think of myself as a woman who is independent and capable of anything (like I used to be). Tell myself I want that back.Day by day, one step at a time - I do feel stronger and regain myself back bit by bit. I know I still have a looooong way to go but I feel that I am on the right track. Basically, I want to say to some OWs who think there is no light at the end of this tunnel that if I can do it...at least start seeing a dim light from very far....YOU CAN DO IT TOO! Believe me. I love you Loveshackers!
PoshPrincess Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Thanks for your encouraging words OneLife and well done on being so determined. I only wish I was as strong as you! All the best and keep up the good work x
Kenzo Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Somehow I know all of what you say to be true...I know that it will get easier, that it will not hurt forever, and that it is not only the right thing to do for myself but for everyone concerned. But like you Posh, I just can't seem to find that inner strength. Sometimes I wonder if I really broke it off for good, not the empty threats I assume he is getting used to, that he wouldn't care at all, that he would just let me go...I wonder but I do not know. I guess I would want him to ache to have what we had back, for him to chase me...I know that's silly and selfish, but it's what I think about.
Author Onelife Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 Somehow I know all of what you say to be true...I know that it will get easier, that it will not hurt forever, and that it is not only the right thing to do for myself but for everyone concerned. But like you Posh, I just can't seem to find that inner strength. Sometimes I wonder if I really broke it off for good, not the empty threats I assume he is getting used to, that he wouldn't care at all, that he would just let me go...I wonder but I do not know. I guess I would want him to ache to have what we had back, for him to chase me...I know that's silly and selfish, but it's what I think about. PoshPrincess and Kenzo, I understand how you feel....the pain...the struggle.:oTo be very honest with you, it is still very hard. It gets better in many aspects but I am still struggling. I still have all those feelings of missing him and thinkning about him and our stories most of the time. I try not to think of it too much for too long because I know it won't get me anyway and will not help with my situation. Just have to stay focused for now on getting over him. And yes I still spend time wondering if he misses me, loves me and wants to have our time back....all those things. But.....I just have to stay the course on what is good for me now. I do know that I am making a progress though. xoxo for both of you.
Ripples Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Onelife, I really like how you have your plans in place for dealing with moving on from this situation. I think everyone who's ever been in love understands how hard it is to get over a man and the physical struggle it can be to not pick up the phone and that's why everyone will support you and all the other women who have made the decision to take back their lives. Have you or Posh or Kenzo thought about dating? I know it seems really soon, but having attention from other men is a great help in distracting one's thoughts
PoshPrincess Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Have you or Posh or Kenzo thought about dating? I know it seems really soon, but having attention from other men is a great help in distracting one's thoughts Hi Ripples, I HAVE actually been seeing someone for several months and, yes, it does take my mind of thigns to a certain extent, in as much as I now don't sit in every night, crying into my glass of pinot and chain smoking! The thing is, I feel unreasonable on the guy I am seeing as I know deep down that this is just a transitional R and doesn't really have any longevity. We have discussed this though and I have told him that I am not into the whole commitment thing so I guess he 'sort-of' knows where he stands. He DOES know about MM but obviously droesn't know that I am not really over things. I just wonder if I would have got over MM by now had I allowed myself more space to 'grieve'.
Ripples Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Oh yeah, sorry Posh, I forgot about your SG. Hmmm, it's a tricky one, isn't it? Space to grieve, but not too much to wallow Seriously, I'm being provocative using 'wallow'. I find I tend to get into a routine, a habit of feeling a certain way and the easiest way, for me, to break that is to do something radical. I guess getting into another relationship is just more of the same... so not breaking the habit at all. Ok, how about doing something really, really different? There's a couple of women on LS who've done extraordinary things to help move on. One travelled round South America as a last minute decision. Ok, so that's not always feasible, especially with children.... or is it?
Author Onelife Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 Hi Ripples, Thank you for your thoughtful comment. About dating, I did try before and it didn't work out. I was not ready and that was one of the reasons I had to really end all contacts with xMM. I know I could not move forward and open my heart even just for getting to know anyone else if he is still in the picture. It was sooooo hard. The other guy even made a comment that he felt I was not "there" (when I am actually there) with him. I didn't want to drag that good guy into it with me so I told him I was not ready. It was very nice of him to tell me he would wait for me and I can take as much time as I need to sort myself out. It does help tremendously to have someone like that who cares so much about me though. And that's why I am doing what I do now in order to put myself back together so I can LOVE again.
PoshPrincess Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Ok, how about doing something really, really different? There's a couple of women on LS who've done extraordinary things to help move on. One travelled round South America as a last minute decision. Ok, so that's not always feasible, especially with children.... or is it? Sounds like a fab idea and from what I've heard IS possible with a child in tow (great life experience and all that), but my son has a very involved father (luckily for me) who couldn't bear to be parted from him for any longer than a fortnight's holiday and, in any case, lack of money prevents me from doing anything like that! I'm sure I will get through things eventually though. I realise that I DO need a distraction. It shouldn't necessarily be another man, should it? OneLife, you are definitely going the right way about things - good on ya!
Author Onelife Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 PoshPrincess, my best wishes go to you. Funny how distraction is needed to put our life back to a well-balanced form (the way it used to be) when the A itself happened to us as a distraction to our well-balanced (even though may not be perfect) life at the first place. But it's true and is a good way to realize that there is more to life than what makes us struggling right now. Good thought! Thanks again Ripples.
Author Onelife Posted June 14, 2007 Author Posted June 14, 2007 Ok it's been nearly 8 days now and I've not heard from him. That's the longest and I hope he is staying that way because I know if he contacts me I will be weak again and go back to talk to him like we have never had an NC! By the way xMM and I are living in the different places and there is no other we can see each other unless one of us makes and attempt to see each other but so far we've never done it. So emails and phone calls have only been the two sources of contacts for us. I don't know...I do miss him and wonder if he thinks of me too but I wouldn't want anything to be different as far as the situation goes. I do wish him to be happy and no guilt. I think that is love! And that's why I dare to say I love him.
Cliche Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Onelife, Your posts fill me with hope that I can be strong if I need to be, but so much pain at the thought of having to do it. I'm glad you're doing well. You're going to shine. Eventually, we all will.
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