no more "sparks" something is "missing"

[MissKissNada_Gal]

When a guy tells a girl, assuming they are boyfriend/girlfriend, that he "doesnt feel a spark." or, "feels like something is MISSING, that once was there, but now is not."

what does this mean??

say you ask this guy and he cant really explain it, all he can say is, "i still feel theres a spark, but i dont feel that spark i once felt" or "there was something that had an impact on me before that i felt, and now i feel like somethings missing. i cant explain it, its just somethings not there. something is missing."

(assuming this was all said without breaking up with her, but letting her know that hes feeling shakey.)

 

does anyone think they can decipher what he would be trying to say, or point out something you could do to possibly help the relationship?

 

how is the other person supposed to know how to help the relationship, when the one with the problem cant even explain whats whats wrong.

[Art_Critic]

what does this mean??

 

To me if you have been dating a while and he says that it means he has found some other girl and put her in his sights..

It doesn't mean he is cheating on you.. Just that he has someone who caught his eye and it's time to move on to her...

[underpants]

I hate to tell you but I think this is his way of breaking up.

This 'no spark' seems to be the new 'it's not you it's me' line revamped.

 

He is bored or has noticed/found someone else that he finds attractive.

 

There really is not much you can do. Become alot less available, hard to get, let him wonder (he may not) what you are doing. Let him have to chase you, win you again. Flip the script.

 

That line is a cop out. However, it's always better to know. You don't want to be with someone who is apathetic about the relationship.

 

Regards,

Unders

[MissKissNada_Gal]

I hate to tell you but I think this is his way of breaking up.

This 'no spark' seems to be the new 'it's not you it's me' line revamped.

 

He is bored or has noticed/found someone else that he finds attractive.

 

There really is not much you can do. Become alot less available, hard to get, let him wonder (he may not) what you are doing. Let him have to chase you, win you again. Flip the script.

 

That line is a cop out. However, it's always better to know. You don't want to be with someone who is apathetic about the relationship.

 

Regards,

Unders

Him and I are supposed to go to the movies and dinner on friday.. what should i do? how should i act? were supposed to talk about this again today! what should i say...

[underpants]

You are supposed to talk about your relationship again today? Who's idea was that? How long have you two dated?

 

I would brace yourself, you might be getting dumped.

 

This might be a time when the wisdom of George Canstansa might be helpful. Do and say the opposite of what you want to.

 

You could beat him to the punch if you want. Be the first to suggest a break, since he no longer feels a spark. Agree with anything he says even if it feels so wrong, be friendly and happy about it. Then ignore him, then if he calls about the Friday plans, just say something has come up and you can't make it, but would love to grab lunch sometime next week and to give you a call. Don't return all his calls right away, don't even return some. The point is to leave him wondering and not so sure he really had you, that you have more layers and mystery then he thought, give him time to miss you. I think he likes the chase.

 

I don't want to give you advice that could blow up in your face, but I also think that if you don't take any action and are all nice and supportive he isn't going to appreciate it anyway.

 

There is an amusing movie called 'Two can play that game', it might be worth a rental. I think they take it too far, but it is funny and kind of true on some levels.

 

Love sucks sometimes. I really don't know what else to tell you.

[Trialbyfire]

If he's ready to walk, let him. Keep a vice grip on your emotions if you can, so you don't beg or plead. Be emotionally unavailable and walk away with pride intact. Remember, you can't control him but you can control yourself. I honestly would not dump him first.

[Krytellan]

He's breaking up with you, at least trying to in a no backbone kind of way.

[Star Gazer]

He's breaking up with you, at least trying to in a no backbone kind of way.

 

 

Agreed.

 

In addition, I think that in setting up a "date" to see you again, he's setting you up to be his future FWB. Tread carefully.

[MissKissNada_Gal]

Agreed.

 

In addition, I think that in setting up a "date" to see you again, he's setting you up to be his future FWB. Tread carefully.

the date had been set up long before we had this talk about our relationship

[Star Gazer]

the date had been set up long before we had this talk about our relationship

 

 

I don't think it matters.

 

Personally, if someone said they didn't feel a spark anymore, or had lost the spark, I would have literally said to him right then, "Then shouldn't see each other anymore," and that would have been the end of it. There wouldn't have been a next-meeting.

 

I think he was trying to break up with you, and found himself unsuccessful. Unfortunately, I think the deal will be sealed the next time you see him.

 

Follow TBF's advice - hold on to your emotions.

[Touche]

I didn't go back and look but if I remember from past posts, aren't you guys really young? What your b/f probably doesn't understand yet is that that initial "spark" ALWAYS fades. Maybe he thinks that's supposed to remain for all time. And from my experience, the younger you are, the faster that initial spark fades.

 

How long have you two been going out? If you're together even six months at your age, that's a long time.

 

I agree with the others though. Pull back some now. I have a funny feeling his "spark" for you will return in no time.

[MissKissNada_Gal]

I didn't go back and look but if I remember from past posts, aren't you guys really young? What your b/f probably doesn't understand yet is that that initial "spark" ALWAYS fades. Maybe he thinks that's supposed to remain for all time. And from my experience, the younger you are, the faster that initial spark fades.

 

How long have you two been going out? If you're together even six months at your age, that's a long time.

 

I agree with the others though. Pull back some now. I have a funny feeling his "spark" for you will return in no time.

we are in our third month, and honestly i dont know there were some big "sparks" but i dont know how he thinks they have faded. ill admit they have because of the rumors that happened in school about some things, but to tell u guys.

i saw this guy after school everyday, but because i cant date, weve only been on 1 date! i rarely get to see him. when he was talking about "sparks" the last time i saw him in person was less than two weeks ago and that was for 20 minutes after school. this whole "spark" thing, is just coming up out of the clear blue, and weve only been on the phone and i think thats where he sees no sparks. ha, i really dont know how to explain.

[cuteblondegurl]

Sounds like he was wanting to break-up. An ex-boyfriend once told me the same thing.

[nicki]

We've all heard that line before. Sometimes it can mean a break-up, and sometimes it can mean a "Let's work on things." You could ask him if he wants to improve things or not.

 

Usually, the "Let's work on things" is for older people in more mature (longer) relationships. The initial spark DOES fade and couples know they need to continuously update their relationships just like they do their computer programs.

 

They do this by remembering what attracted them in the first place and going out and doing new things together. And by nuturing their partner and asking for what they themselves want.

 

But if "the spark's not there", is a pathetic attempt at a break-up, it's usually followed by another talk, and more cutting of the apron strings. You might hear a "It's me, not you. Let's take a break for a while."

 

If you get the impression things are over, and he says the spark thing again, just sigh and say "I know what you mean. I just don't feel so attracted to you anymore." Then smile and say "Well, I'll catch you later. Gotta run." Then get up and go.

 

I did that with a loser ex-boyfriend and he chased me for months! He couldn't believe I didn't find HIM attractive anymore. But I didn't want someone who needed me to be distant to get him to want me.

 

So, I'd just say it as a parting shot when I know things are over. As I like to say, "I don't have to convince anyone to be with me."

 

He sounds young and immature. It's him. He'll need to figure out how relationships work before he gets it.

[nicki]

It's perfectly normal, too, to date someone for a short time only to find that things have gone as far as they can and that they won't progress.

 

So you move on. They move on. It will happen to you. Sometimes you will be the one wanting to move on and they won't want it, and sometimes it will happen to you and you won't want it.

 

But, I wish I knew at your age something that I know now:

 

I will only be with someone who wants to be with me. Notice I didn't say that "I WANT to only be with someone who wants to be with me." Because I may WANT to be with them if they don't want me, but I WON'T be with them.

 

I now make this a very important rule for relationships. It's simple, but has helped me tremendously!

[electric_sheep]

I agree with Nicki. It could be he wants to break up, or it could be there are things that are bothering him and he wants to work on them. It's hard to say.

 

Also, if you've been dating for a while it's generally unavoidable that a little of that spark wears off.

 

I'd try just speaking openly and honestly with him. Ask him directly what's on his mind, what he is thinking, and what it all means. Just be yourself.

 

I don't know why everyone keeps telling you to hold back your emotions. Since when is being emotional bad? I think you should hold onto your intellect though. I think you can be emotional and intelligent at the same time.