IWALH Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 This is my 3rd attempt at writing this. LS already ate 2 of my other posts. Anyway, he called me earlier today and we talked for about an hour. He told me he only looked at my myspace that one time when I first gave it to him, that wasn't why he didn't call, he forgot or something. He didn't even know that I changed my passwords and didn't seem like he really cared... so he isn't as possessive as you might think. He told me that he would leave her as soon as I moved up there, which I was planning on moving back up there in August since he said that is when he would leave originally. He said he just wants to wait until after his son's birthday, which is July 17th. I told him the apartment complex I was going to move into and he went there the other day and looked at it and got some brochures. He said he can't leave until I move up there because he doesn't have anywhere to go. We talked about a lot of other things too, but that's all irrelevent now. He called again tonight. What he does when he doesn't call from payphones is call from his cell and lets it ring a few times then hangs up which is my que to call back using *67 to make it private. So we talked for a little bit, he was in bed, his wife was downstairs and all of a sudden he hung up. I figured he would call back and let me know what was going on. About 10 minutes later he called again, so I *67'ed and called back, as usual. This time he answered but didn't say anything, so neither did I. Then I thought I heard him whisper so I said "Hello? Hellooo?" And then she, his wife, said "Hello?" I panicked and slowly closed my cell phone and froze. A few minutes later she called back and left a voicemail saying "Don't think I don't know, don't think I won't. Call me back on his phone... or whatever phone you want." I don't know what to think right now. I don't know what is going to happen. She just tried calling me again (I am assuming it's her) from his phone but didn't leave a message this time. I hope he calls me from a payphone within the next few days and lets me know what is going on. I should have never become friendly with her. I feel like the ****tiest person on the face of the earth right now. I know what I have been doing is not right... but the things he says and has been promising are just... I don't know. I don't know anything. My gosh..... what is going to happen?......
mopar crazy Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Sorry to say but I'm glad that his BW knows. Even though he says he is leaving her did he tell her that? Does she know he wants out of the M? From the phone call it's sounds like she has no clue. Be ready for a bumpy ride! I know you feel like crap right now, but I'm glad to see that you do. It shows that you aren't as selfish. Some OW wouldn't give a rat's a$$. I know my FWH xOw didn't care when I found out and confronted her. She thought it was funny! BITCH!
Author IWALH Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 She just sent me the following email: "Is there any particular reason you won't call back? You and Danny have too much at stake to take me for granted. I can't believe you are still hiding and lying about him. You must be crazier than me." What does she mean we "have too much at stake?" I don't understand that at all.
NearlyThere Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 It seems like the W probably has a pretty good idea whats going on. I think in this case the best you can do is phone her back and say whats been happening and be truthful, if you feel remorseful act that way at and if it turns out he has been feeding you a load of rubbish and is going to throw you under the proverbial at least you will have shown at least a bit of dignity. I know it might be tempting to go into ostrich mode and I know I would probably feel that way as well but it seems there is no point in denying it. If you dont feel you can talk to her on the phone then email her, just remember though that emails not very good at translating emotions. Good Luck whatever you decide.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 What does she mean we "have too much at stake?" I don't understand that at all. She probably has information that she is planning to expose that she thinks will destroy one or both of you, and cause you to lose a great deal. That's what I would take that to mean, anyway.
NoIDidn't Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 She probably has information that she is planning to expose that she thinks will destroy one or both of you, and cause you to lose a great deal. That's what I would take that to mean, anyway. That, and concerning the child that is going to get caught in the middle of this. IWALH - YOU are in the fog, completely oblivious to what is about to go down. You really need to remove yourself emotionally so that you can see what a complete mindf*ck this guy is putting on you. Do you have a job waiting for you if/when you move? Are you only moving to be more convenient to him? That's what it sounds like his intentions are. Seriously, your child is counting on you to take care of and protect her - even if its from the drama that is being inflicted on you (and her by default) because of her own father.
torranceshipman Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Tell the W the truth about everything...call her back and let her know...its the dignified, honest thing to do. If this A and your R with the MM can't survive a bit of dignity under fire, and honesty, it's isn't worth anything....and its about time someone showed the W some respect...it wont be MM but you can do it, and it sounds like you feel guilty about the way she is being hurt, too, so you'll be doing the right thing by her by telling her the truth now. Plus you'll be able to see his intentions EXACTLY for what they are now, after this happens. He'll have to live up to his word about leaving her, or it'll be clear that he never intended leaving her at all...the W will probably be able to fill you in on whether he's had this conversation with her too. This man is an ass...destroying peoples lives...not nice. Good luck!
outofdarkness Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 This is my 3rd attempt at writing this. LS already ate 2 of my other posts. Anyway, he called me earlier today and we talked for about an hour. He told me he only looked at my myspace that one time when I first gave it to him, that wasn't why he didn't call, he forgot or something. He didn't even know that I changed my passwords and didn't seem like he really cared... so he isn't as possessive as you might think. He told me that he would leave her as soon as I moved up there, which I was planning on moving back up there in August since he said that is when he would leave originally. He said he just wants to wait until after his son's birthday, which is July 17th. I told him the apartment complex I was going to move into and he went there the other day and looked at it and got some brochures. He said he can't leave until I move up there because he doesn't have anywhere to go. We talked about a lot of other things too, but that's all irrelevent now. He called again tonight. What he does when he doesn't call from payphones is call from his cell and lets it ring a few times then hangs up which is my que to call back using *67 to make it private. So we talked for a little bit, he was in bed, his wife was downstairs and all of a sudden he hung up. I figured he would call back and let me know what was going on. About 10 minutes later he called again, so I *67'ed and called back, as usual. This time he answered but didn't say anything, so neither did I. Then I thought I heard him whisper so I said "Hello? Hellooo?" And then she, his wife, said "Hello?" I panicked and slowly closed my cell phone and froze. A few minutes later she called back and left a voicemail saying "Don't think I don't know, don't think I won't. Call me back on his phone... or whatever phone you want." I don't know what to think right now. I don't know what is going to happen. She just tried calling me again (I am assuming it's her) from his phone but didn't leave a message this time. I hope he calls me from a payphone within the next few days and lets me know what is going on. I should have never become friendly with her. I feel like the ****tiest person on the face of the earth right now. I know what I have been doing is not right... but the things he says and has been promising are just... I don't know. I don't know anything. My gosh..... what is going to happen?...... Well...Your story does not seem unique. I do appreciate the tips as to how the MM and OW go about communicating. Being a BW, it's very helpful. My best to you and your MM... 1
PoshPrincess Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 IWALH, I can only give you one piece of advice from my past experience. My exMMs W found out about us and my biggest regret from the whole sorry mess is that when she DID find out I should've told him to leave me alone and not contact me until he had sorted his life out once and for all, but I didn't. I also had 'the phone call' although she wasn't clever enough (I don't mean that to be derogatory to her BTW!) to call from HIS phone. She called and told me she knew there was something going on but I denied it, not thinking it was my place to tell her (I still stand by that decision). ExMM convinced me (duh - how stupid was I?) that he really loved me and was going to leave her so I stuck by him. It never happened and of course, she fell for all his BS (there was nothing going on, etc) as I did. He even told me a few weeks later that he was going to tell her he was leaving (although not for me - neither of us wanted it that way) and he said that he had, but to this day I will never know. The more time went on the less inclined I was to believe that. I am not saying that you and your MM will never be together but just let him sort things out without you in the picture. I know this will be tough but IMO it wil be worth it in the end. Best of luck. I hope everything works out for you x
whichwayisup Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 IWALH, do yourself a big favour now, just come clean. You all can't go on like this, it's cruel, unfair, painful, selfish - So it's time to get EVERYTHING out in the open. Atleast by doing that, some sort of action can happen and things can be solved. Right now EVERYONE's lives are a mess and full of confusion and drama.
TogetherForever Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 She just sent me the following email: "Is there any particular reason you won't call back? You and Danny have too much at stake to take me for granted. I can't believe you are still hiding and lying about him. You must be crazier than me." What does she mean we "have too much at stake?" I don't understand that at all. Just call her back & tell her what's going on. Tell her the truth if her husband won't.
Seen_It_All Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 ....that wasn't why he didn't call, he forgot or something.He 'forgot' or something? Wow, that's dedication. He told me that he would leave her as soon as I moved up there, which I was planning on moving back up there in August since he said that is when he would leave originally.Please tell me you don't actually believe this bullsh*t? A few minutes later she called back and left a voicemail saying "Don't think I don't know, don't think I won't. Call me back on his phone... or whatever phone you want." I don't see a problem with this. He's leaving in a month and half anyway.....right? Just as soon as YOU make all the sacrifices - like moving away from where you live and work so you can relocate by him and PAY for an apartment for his loser a*ss to squat in. So what's the big deal? One would think if he's leaving in August, she'd surely KNOW about it at this point - wouldn't she? Unless, of course, he was just planning on moving out of the house when she was at work one day, and leaving her a sticky note telling her he was leaving her? I know what I have been doing is not right... but the things he says and has been promising are just... I don't know.Oh, I know...the promises he's been making are pure, unadultered BULLSH*T. ..... what is going to happen?......More than likely, the lying coward will beg his wife for forgiveness - down on bended knee - and blame the entire affair on YOU. He'll then make promises never to talk to you again, and he'll also lie and tell her he never touched you - it was all just an inappropriate "friendship." He'll bullsh*it her some more by telling her that he was feeling unloved, unappreciated, misunderstood, and taken for granted in the marriage. Yup, the poor deprived soul was weak and vulnerable, and you swept right in at his lowest point - and fool that he was, he fell blindly right into your trap. LOL, if you don't believe me, check out the infidelity boards sometime. You read this crap over and over and over. These lying losers all use the same excuse when begging their wives to not kick them out. But hey, since his grand scheme was to move out anyway, I guess it won't be a huge problem if she does kick his butt out...right? That just means you move there sooner and claim your prize.
whichwayisup Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Something for you to think about. Say he does leave her. What happens next? Is he really going to be there for you? Will you trust him not to cheat on you with other women in the future? Or even cheat on you with his wife (or then it would be ex-wife)? He isn't a good prize to be won, atleast from what I've read about him so far.
PoshPrincess Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 ............and he'll also lie and tell her he never touched you - it was all just an inappropriate "friendship." Haha, funnily enough, I know this is the exact line my exMM used on his W when she found out. He too was planning on leaving (yeah, right!) but 'wanted it to be right, didn't want it to look like he was leaving for someone else....' Yep, all the usual BS. He said that we were 'just friends' and that nothing had happened between us. Well, we hadn't had sex so he was just stretching the truth somewhat (in his eyes). Oh, and he also told her not to worry as I was 'a fat minger' (in his words). Charming, eh? Oh, and of course he promised her that him and me were over but was on the phone to me the very next day. BE CAREFUL! Hey, I'm starting to sound very bitter. That's a good sign.
Onelife Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 IMO, the good thing about D-Day is it puts eveyone involved back to reality (in more ways than before the D-Day). The truth is the truth hurts. But it's good to find out though. xMM always says he will love me forever. And after D-Day I found out that "Forever" happens to arrive so soon. Well I wasn't prepared for it but it's still good things happened the way it did so I know the truth and don't have to live in my dream for too long. I sound bitter too and agree with PoshPrincess that it's a good sign.
NoIDidn't Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Apologies, all. Posh and Onelife said that they are starting sound bitter and that they think that it is a good thing. I think so too, but my reasons maybe a bit different. I don't want to assume that you guys think the same way that I do, so why do you think starting to sound bitter is a good thing? For the BW to sound bitter it is made out like it is the worst thing in life to ever happen to you. But being angry about a turn of events is good when you see where you were taken for a ride by someone you trusted and loved. Most people do move on from this stage. Most do, some don't.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I hope that you MM has the backbone to leave his wife if not you could pretty much ensure it by mentioning to her that you slept together in the same suite that she and your children occupied, I can't imagine how he would talk his way out of that one. I replied to you on another thread that I felt your MM was motivated by "risk taking", I would think very hard before I uprooted my life for someone who has a strong impulse to take risks.
PoshPrincess Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Apologies' date=' all.[/b'] Posh and Onelife said that they are starting sound bitter and that they think that it is a good thing. I think so too, but my reasons maybe a bit different. I don't want to assume that you guys think the same way that I do, so why do you think starting to sound bitter is a good thing? For the BW to sound bitter it is made out like it is the worst thing in life to ever happen to you. But being angry about a turn of events is good when you see where you were taken for a ride by someone you trusted and loved. Most people do move on from this stage. Most do, some don't. I am only thinking it's good to be feeling bitter as I personally believe you need to go through anger to get over a failed R. Up until now I really haven't been able to see my MM for what he really is (whatever that may be - apart from a lying cheat of course!) So far I have defended his corner, said he's a good man, great father (I still stand by that), that he honestly DID love me, blah blah blah. Who am I trying to kid? At the moment, the only thing that would (possibly) make me feel better is to have a big slanging match with him, to tell him how he's broken my heart, how I hate what he has made me become, how I hate the fact that I got so sucked in, etc. I really feel like screaming and shouting.
Onelife Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Apologies, all. Posh and Onelife said that they are starting sound bitter and that they think that it is a good thing. I think so too, but my reasons maybe a bit different. I don't want to assume that you guys think the same way that I do, so why do you think starting to sound bitter is a good thing? For the BW to sound bitter it is made out like it is the worst thing in life to ever happen to you. But being angry about a turn of events is good when you see where you were taken for a ride by someone you trusted and loved. Most people do move on from this stage. Most do, some don't. There are always two sided feeling in this kind of R. As bad as it is and as good as it gets, there are always two ways to think about it. It depends on how we frame our perception in different situations. Over time each side wins over another. Sooner or later the burden of this dilemma will become too hard to keep going as we all know As are doomed from the start. To be bitter now when we try to sort out our feeling and end the A for whatever reasons is another way to frame our (me anyway) perception to be able to see the A in the different light (not through rose colour glass). It just helps to get through this hard time. I hope this explanation makes some senses here.
NoIDidn't Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Posh and Onelife That's what I was thinking too. But I didn't want to assume that's how you guys were feeling. Its normal and good to get angry. There were nights that I would watch my H sleep and I just wanted to go downstairs and get my cast iron pot! But I am over that now. I don't even get upset about what went down anymore because what's done is done. Nothing I can do will change it. No point in being angry over it anymore. So, thread jack over. Thanks guys. I am glad you are happy about your bitterness. LOL!!!
scaredinlove Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 IWALSH If i were you i would just be patient and wait until you have a little bit more info before jumping and confessing and telling and God knows what. You have a small child with this man. He dosen't pay you child support if I remember right. He is not reliable but you don't want to get involved in their fight. Detach yourself from the situation. Wait until you have more info.
torranceshipman Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 IMO, the good thing about D-Day is it puts eveyone involved back to reality (in more ways than before the D-Day). /quote] Now THAT is the most sensible thing I have ever heard on LS, in all my time on the forum! Telling the truth and things coming out in the open forces everyone to get their head out of the clouds, stops people being able to lie, or delude themselves into believing lies made by manipulative MM's, and gives everyone a good cold, hard dose of REALITY. Nice one, OneLife!!!!!
PoshPrincess Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 IMO, the good thing about D-Day is it puts eveyone involved back to reality (in more ways than before the D-Day). /quote] I do agree that this is the case in many situations but for me and my exMM the lies continued after W found out. I carried on believing he was going to leave, his W carried on believing all the BS about what did/didn't happen with me. I think he was the only one who really got a dose of reality although it didn't seem to put a stop to his secrecy. He told me the reason he hadn't been honest with his W about me was because he wanted to leave when the time was right and wanted us both to suffer as little pain as possible, plus he didn't wanted his kids knowing anymore gory details. I do agree to a certain extent that there was no point making his W suffer anymore than she had and that there was no point whatsoever in upsetting his kids further. For my benefit he didn't want her turning up at my place of work or at my home causing a scene, which I also appreciated at the time, hence me believing he was lying for the good of everyone else How naive both his W and I were!
outofdarkness Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Just call her back & tell her what's going on. Tell her the truth if her husband won't. You are the rare exception that everyone talks about where the MM actually DOES leave the W...I wish you the very best, but the fact, and statistics show that most MM do NOT leave their W's! Just call her??? Lives are ruined, children are tormented and W's lives are destroyed at least until the healing process runs it's course, which could be a long time!
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