chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I'm sure I've posted something about this before, but it's STILL happening!! I'll go out with a guy that I think is being genuine, and into my inner beauty. BUT it ALWAYS ends up to where they like me just to get in bed with me. Where are all the decent guys at? I've dated my age, I've dated older, guys with nice careers, and so on. But it's always about the way I look that attracts them, then we'll click on a mental level, but the goes back to the superficialness part of it. I don't get it, and it's making me have the worset self-esteem about myself. I'm smart, intelligent, have a good career in the insurance business, I'm caring, sweet, a really great person, just slightly naive-which might be a huge problem. Anyway, what's the deal, and why do guys always look at me like that? I do like to dress cute, but not skanky at all, I get alot of compliments wherever I go, which I think can also be damaging to one's self-esteem as odd as that sounds. But it's true. What's wrong with me? And why do guys do this to me? It's odd, because 2 of my ex's warned me that guys will want me for one thing, my body, my money, etc, and they couldn't be more right unfortunately.
Pyro Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Thats what can happen when you are above average looking. There are lots of guys like that out there. My advice would be to hold off on sex for a while, at least until you can tell for sure what their intentions are with you.
LaughMachine Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 There are guys out there who will be attracted to you but that doesn't mean that all guys will only want superficial things from you. If this is a pattern in your dating life than the guys you are dating aren't the right ones. Honestly it would just turn me off from a guy who only wants those things. As if sex is the only priority in his life....ah boring !
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 Thats what can happen when you are above average looking. There are lots of guys like that out there. My advice would be to hold off on sex for a while, at least until you can tell for sure what their intentions are with you. Hey Riddler, thanks for your reply. Holding off on sex for awhile has actually made me feel better about myself, but then sometimes I wonder how long to hold off, and when I do for longer, he seems to disappear, which is FINE by me, but geez, I can never put my feelings into a guy and it makes it hard to trust them honestly.
Touche Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Not sure how you dress but maybe that's a consideration. Are you wearing very short skirts with three inch high heels? You might be sending the wrong message. If you dress that way, perhaps you might want to consider going more conservative. You might attract a man with class.
Pyro Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Hey Riddler, thanks for your reply. Holding off on sex for awhile has actually made me feel better about myself, but then sometimes I wonder how long to hold off, and when I do for longer, he seems to disappear, which is FINE by me, but geez, I can never put my feelings into a guy and it makes it hard to trust them honestly. You hold off until you are ready, until you are sure of what the guy wants. If he truly respects you and your values, then he will wait with you. Just be sure to communicate your feelings to him and if he does the same in return and they are genuine, then that is usually a good indicator that he is a great guy.
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 What is the first thing that attracts you to a guy? honestly johan, someone who can make me laugh is what really attracts me to a guy, that and intellectual conversations. and I won't lie, their stature and good hair lol. hmm..maybe I need to start dressing like a librarian to snag those kind guys lol. but nah that's not my style, I like to dress up with style, so hmm..another thing, if guys see a girl stylishly dressed, as they see in fashion magazines, does that make them immediately think with their other brain?
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 You often put a lot of focus into what's on the outside instead of what's on the inside....I mean on YOUR outside, not the guys'. You talk about how you dress, and how attractive you are, and other "image" characteristics quite often. I can't help but think your "image" IS what's sending the wrong message, and that intuitively you know this, but don't want to change it.
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 Not sure how you dress but maybe that's a consideration. Are you wearing very short skirts with three inch high heels? You might be sending the wrong message. If you dress that way, perhaps you might want to consider going more conservative. You might attract a man with class. nope I've been over that phase, since I was with the last guy that treated me like a trophy. I realized I have to slightly change the way I dress, just based off of how our relationship ended up being. so now I wear jeans, a nice top, or longer skirts or dresses that go to my knees or longer and I wear wedges or heels. I do have nice legs and I like to show them off, but I don't wear anything that is shorter than my knees.
Touche Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Well, I don't know what you mean by "stylish" but I think short skirts with very high heels are considered "stylish" these days. In my book it looks trampy. You will attract a guy who is only looking for one thing if you dress like that, in my opinion. So what do you consider "stylish?" Also, if you are big-breasted, you might want to do what you can to minimize that "asset" if you know what I mean.
LaughMachine Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 If it is how you dress, than stick with how you are dressing because you will find someone who sees past that. If you got more to offer than sex appeal than you will attract the right guy....but yeah lay off sex until you know what they want from you. Man don't even let your self get upset over these guys. Their stupid!........
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I have a feeling that on a normal day, your outfits come from ArdenB or Bebe or Guess. Am I right? Check your PMs.
Touche Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 nope I've been over that phase, since I was with the last guy that treated me like a trophy. I realized I have to slightly change the way I dress, just based off of how our relationship ended up being. so now I wear jeans, a nice top, or longer skirts or dresses that go to my knees or longer and I wear wedges or heels. I do have nice legs and I like to show them off, but I don't wear anything that is shorter than my knees. Sorry, I didn't see this until after my last post. How about your make-up? Do you cake it on? Too much make-up can attract the wrong type of guy as well, I think. And what about those jeans. Are they so tight that you have to lie on the bed to put them on? Your skirts sound conservative, so that's good.
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 You hold off until you are ready, until you are sure of what the guy wants. If he truly respects you and your values, then he will wait with you. Just be sure to communicate your feelings to him and if he does the same in return and they are genuine, then that is usually a good indicator that he is a great guy. good advice, and that's what I was doing with that guy I was just seeing recently, after a few weeks of hanging out, and still not sleeping with him because I wanted to make it into a good relationship, but it still didn't work out, or at least something happened, maybe he has another girl somewhere, but who knows, it's a mystery to me still.
norajane Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 good advice, and that's what I was doing with that guy I was just seeing recently, after a few weeks of hanging out, and still not sleeping with him because I wanted to make it into a good relationship, but it still didn't work out, or at least something happened, maybe he has another girl somewhere, but who knows, it's a mystery to me still. There's no mystery. He took off when he realized he wasn't going to get sex from you. Had you slept with him, he would have taken off right after, just like the other guys. Where do you meet these men you date?
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 good advice, and that's what I was doing with that guy I was just seeing recently, after a few weeks of hanging out, and still not sleeping with him because I wanted to make it into a good relationship, but it still didn't work out, or at least something happened, maybe he has another girl somewhere, but who knows, it's a mystery to me still. You seem to be dumbstruck by the concept that after a few weeks he still turned out to be a jerk. That's the whole point of taking things slow and putting time into getting to know someone - to weed out the superficial player-types from the relationship-types. This will happen again, most likely, and only further justifies getting to know someone before laying your heart and hooha on the line.
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 Well, I don't know what you mean by "stylish" but I think short skirts with very high heels are considered "stylish" these days. In my book it looks trampy. You will attract a guy who is only looking for one thing if you dress like that, in my opinion. So what do you consider "stylish?" Also, if you are big-breasted, you might want to do what you can to minimize that "asset" if you know what I mean. when I say "stylish" I mean that I like to make things match, not in a sense of how short my skirt is, because if I wear a skirt I wear it to my knees, and don't worry I don't have big enough boobs to show off lol, but yah I still get the same kind of attention if I had really big boobs, I'm thin so I never had big boobs, like a 32 B honestly! so that's obviously not the problem.
Star Gazer Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 CC - seriously, please check and respond to your PMs.
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 I have a feeling that on a normal day, your outfits come from ArdenB or Bebe or Guess. Am I right? Check your PMs. Yes true, but lately I've been more of a JCrew type of girl.
Pyro Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 good advice, and that's what I was doing with that guy I was just seeing recently, after a few weeks of hanging out, and still not sleeping with him because I wanted to make it into a good relationship, but it still didn't work out, or at least something happened, maybe he has another girl somewhere, but who knows, it's a mystery to me still. What happened? Did he just get up and leave without a trace?
Author chill chic Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 What happened? Did he just get up and leave without a trace? yah I explained what's been going on in another thread, I think like 2 threads below this one on the main dating page. you might get a better idea
johan Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Personally, I think how you dress and look is important. I think you have a good attitude about it. I also think you're doing the right things. The reason it didn't work with the last guy is just going to go unexplained. But sooner or later you'll meet a guy who sticks around and is worth having. Try to just forget what happened and look to the future. What you want won't come easily or quickly, but when it does, it will be worth it. And you should try to keep looking forward to it, and not let the past bring you down too much. You might have to go through more guys who disappoint you. Just keep looking ahead.
Pyro Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 yah I explained what's been going on in another thread, I think like 2 threads below this one on the main dating page. you might get a better idea Oh yeah, he was a real prize. Sounds like he just wanted you on the side and like NJ explained, once he saw that you were holding off on sex, he lost interest. Like I said, hold off on the sex, get to know the guy, make sure his actions matches his words and figure out what his intentions are
norajane Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Again, where are you meeting the men you date? If all of them are met at bars or parties where there is a lot of drinking, it's more likely those guys are looking for a hook-up kind of girl they'll drop as soon as they hook up. If you are meeting them other places, particularly through good friends you trust, then they are more likely to be keepers. Work guys are trouble because things can go badly and you're stuck dealing with each other at the office. If you meet them through your other activities - sports, gym, other clasess, then you have even odds on what they are after.
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