Do we have any control whatsoever over who we are physically attracted to?

[alphamale]

the chances are if you're attracted to a certain person then so are other people. people fail to take this simple concept into account.

[Phoebe]

the chances are if you're attracted to a certain person then so are other people. people fail to take this simple concept into account.

 

What's your point?

[VirtualInsanity]

Then I want to be attracted to people who don't have other's chasing them.

 

Well...no I take that back.

[alphamale]

What's your point?

the point is that the more people a particular person can attract the more "in-demand" they will be. they will also have higher criteria and expectations for a mate.

[Trialbyfire]

the point is that the more people a particular person can attract the more "in-demand" they will be. they will also have higher criteria and expectations for a mate.

Ah, something I've always been curious of. I've noticed this type of dog pack mentality from guys. If one guy finds a girl attractive, all of a sudden she becomes more interesting to other guys. What is with that?

[VirtualInsanity]

In my opinion, waste of time.

 

No one can compete with high expecations.

[alphamale]

Ah, something I've always been curious of. I've noticed this type of dog pack mentality from guys. If one guy finds a girl attractive, all of a sudden she becomes more interesting to other guys. What is with that?

she's already attractive to men in general....attractivness comes in all degrees. you can be attractive to few people, or to most people....and everything in between.

[Yamaha]

Can we help who we are, in general, physically attracted to?

 

Who you find attractive is influenced by how you view yourself.

 

How about ugly people or below average? Are they settling for someone they don't find attractive because they figure they can't get someone they DO?

[VirtualInsanity]

Who you find attractive is influenced by how you view yourself.

 

What do you mean?

[Yamaha]

What do you mean?

 

If you think of yourself as a 9 then you will not find a 4 attractive or, if you do, ( for some reason ) you will block it out of your mind as unwanted.

[alphamale]

If you think of yourself as a 9 then you will not find a 4 attractive or, if you do, ( for some reason ) you will block it out of your mind as unwanted.

what about the people who think they are a 9 but in reality are a 6? there are quite a few who fall into that category...

[Yamaha]

what about the people who think they are a 9 but in reality are a 6? there are quite a few who fall into that category...

 

Don't most people think they are more attractive than they really are?

 

There was a thread on here about your level of attractiveness and most considered themselves to be above average or attractive.

[halfarock]

… all he could tell me was that it was in my eyes. Damn eyes!

Depends. I can hide it fairly easy. Except my eyes…

typically, when I have an encounter with a woman, by looking into her eyes, can tell if she likes me or not, how much I can trust her. And some seem to squirm, some ever so subtly.

 

Can we help who we are, in general, physically attracted to?

Isn’t it somewhat learned behavior. I mean, over the course of our life we make all kinds of little decisions as to what we find attractive by little comparisons of all that we see. Who we are most attracted is who has those characteristics most matching our model of an ideal partner that sits in our thoughts. Often when I first meet someone who I am greatly attracted to, I get the feeling like I already know them.

 

Not long ago while waiting for the train a woman struck up a conversation with me. She kept saying something about me looking like someone she knew but couldn’t quite remember from where. Looking into her eyes as we spoke it was obvious that she was greatly attracted to me so I said to her, ”Maybe I’m the guy in your dreams.” She thought about it for a bit then looked up, smiling, blushing some, saying, “You know, you might be right.”

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

typically, when I have an encounter with a woman, by looking into her eyes, can tell if she likes me or not, how much I can trust her. And some seem to squirm, some ever so subtly.

 

Not long ago while waiting for the train a woman struck up a conversation with me. She kept saying something about me looking like someone she knew but couldn’t quite remember from where. Looking into her eyes as we spoke it was obvious that she was greatly attracted to me so I said to her, ”Maybe I’m the guy in your dreams.” She thought about it for a bit then looked up, smiling, blushing some, saying, “You know, you might be right.”

 

I think I know you, too.

 

But you weren't in my dreams.

 

Please refresh my memory....is it Casanova or Don Juan?

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Ah, something I've always been curious of. I've noticed this type of dog pack mentality from guys. If one guy finds a girl attractive, all of a sudden she becomes more interesting to other guys. What is with that?

 

TBF, this is something I've thought about sometimes, too. It's not just a guy thing, though...girls get the herd mentality just as much. The old "me, too" thing.

 

I find it very high-schoolish. In school, there used to a couple of girls and a couple of boys who were deemed "hot". And if you didn't think they were hot, you were not considered part of THE crowd.

 

It's the same thing in real life. Why else would so many women find Johnny Depp...that epitome of diseased, troll-like looks, sexy?

[Trialbyfire]

TBF, this is something I've thought about sometimes, too. It's not just a guy thing, though...girls get the herd mentality just as much. The old "me, too" thing.

 

I find it very high-schoolish. In school, there used to a couple of girls and a couple of boys who were deemed "hot". And if you didn't think they were hot, you were not considered part of THE crowd.

 

It's the same thing in real life. Why else would so many women find Johnny Depp...that epitome of diseased, troll-like looks, sexy?

I've never had the herd instinct although I love Johnny Depp. It's not so much his looks, although he's better looking now than when he was a pretty boy, it's his acting. Something comes across of the man, someone with depth.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I've never had the herd instinct although I love Johnny Depp. It's not so much his looks, although he's better looking now than when he was a pretty boy, it's his acting. Something comes across of the man, someone with depth.

 

Eeeeeaaaaghh....I just HAD to reply to this one.

 

Et Tu, TBF?? Noooo...

 

The only "depth" I see in him is in the hollows of his sunken eyes and cheeks.

 

And with this scandalizing revelation searing through my (cooked) pea-sized brain, I'm off...

[runner]

generally speaking, i don't think we do. but i'd like to think i'm completely responsible for what i choose to do about it.

 

drunk or otherwise

[Trialbyfire]

Eeeeeaaaaghh....I just HAD to reply to this one.

 

Et Tu, TBF?? Noooo...

 

The only "depth" I see in him is in the hollows of his sunken eyes and cheeks.

 

And with this scandalizing revelation searing through my (cooked) pea-sized brain, I'm off...

Hahaha...moi aussi. C'est l'amour.

 

Btw, Monsieur Clooney est trés chaud...

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

 

Btw, Monsieur Clooney est trés chaud...

 

Oui, totally Oui...

 

 

 

That's about all the French I know.

[Trialbyfire]

Oui, totally Oui...

 

 

 

That's about all the French I know.

 

 

Ma français est très mal...

 

Wrong keyboard accent on tres, in the past post. Thank God, pelagic isn't around...

[marlena]

Well, so far, I haven't been able to control it. And sadly to say, I have paid a dear price for it! They were all the wrong types - the most hurtful human beings I have come across!

 

Interestingly enough, there was this one man who I had known for years. I was never physically attracted to him. Quite the opposite really! Truth be told, I even found him repulsive.

 

This man turned out be one of the biggest loves of my life. But even that backfired on me after five years.

 

Just goes to show! Maybe we should give people who we are not instantly attracted to a chance!

[VirtualInsanity]

Just goes to show! Maybe we should give people who we are not instantly attracted to a chance!

 

Slow attractions are nice.

 

I experienced that with a guy whom I thought I would never like. I didn't at first and then it was hard not to.

 

typically, when I have an encounter with a woman, by looking into her eyes, can tell if she likes me or not, how much I can trust her. And some seem to squirm, some ever so subtly.

 

Your very observant.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Hahaha...moi aussi. C'est l'amour.

 

This one completely mystified me. I thought it meant "I'm Australian".

 

And I know you're Canadian, TBF. I was so puzzled.

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by halfarock

typically, when I have an encounter with a woman, by looking into her eyes, can tell if she likes me or not, how much I can trust her. And some seem to squirm, some ever so subtly.

 

Your very observant.

 

Yes, VirtualInsanity, he is like the Geiger counter of the deep rumblings within a woman's heart.

[electric_sheep]

I don't think the answer is a simplistic "yes or no". I think it's a combination of nature/nuture.

 

A certain amount of attraction is hardwired into us. Something to do with symmetry and the spacing of the facial features, etc... But, a large amount of it is due to the socialization process. We are bombarded by our culture and the media with images of what we are supposed to find attractive. It is a tireless sales pitch that has been going on since you were born.

 

Never underestimate the power of socialization. We absorb so much of our attitudes and beliefs in this way. It is the reason most people in the US are christian (and most people in Saudi Arabia are muslims), the reason we are prudes about nudity and sex here in the US, etc, etc...

 

Anyway. I do think it's possible to "undo" a little of this process. You just have to really open minded, and question yourself and your preferences. Ask yourself why you like this or that, why you believe in this or that. Sometimes it requires a little pushing and shoving, as we all tend to cling to the familiar. It can be a very instructive process through.

 

Back in my mid-twenties I made myself question everything. I even went so far as to have gay sex on a couple of occations. Turns out I'm actually pretty straight. I also had sex with a couple of "large" women. I just thought I'd give it a shot, and just experience sex as a pure activity, and abstract away all the pychological limitations of "looks".

 

I did discover I'm not as obsessed with large breasts as the typical American male though. I kind of turned the whole breast thing on it's head and now I actually fetishize small breasts. Girls with small boobs drive me nuts. Alright. I've probably shared too much.