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Do we have any control whatsoever over who we are physically attracted to?

VirtualInsanity

By VirtualInsanity
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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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Can we help who we are, in general, physically attracted to?

Poboy Established Member

Poboy

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How about being attracted to people who are not attracted to you?

 

I'm being serious here.

 

yes it happens quite often ... why ?

choragicwands Established Member

choragicwands

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Forget it. I wasn't looking for smart remarks.

Let's get to the bottom of this. Sure, I think a lot of us are attracted to people or things that might not be "good" for us. Interesting people aren't always stable. Excitement can come at a cost.

 

Maybe you can try to elaborate on your question a little? Please.

Tony T Established Member

Tony T

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I'm sorry so many people are having difficulty with this but I think the question is quite simple.

 

I don't really think people have any control whatsoever on who they are physically attracted to. It's a chemical reaction between two people who are composed mostly of chemicals. Often we meet somebody who is very nice and we would so much like to be attracted to them physically but no matter how much we try we just can't make it happen. It's either there or it's not.

 

Now, there are a lot of times when we may meet someone we like but aren't attracted to. However, the intellectual or activity exchange is enough to keep us around. Over time, we can develop a strong physical attraction to them...and I don't really know how that happens.

 

I also know you can be very physically attracted to the WRONG person. That's what makes one night stands and thank gawd people realize it was just a physical thing. It's also hell when one person is physically attracted to the other but it isn't mutual.

 

No, not under any circumstances can we control who we are physically attracted to. If it happens, whenever it happens, it just happens. Who are are physically attracted to probably comes from maps in our brains of attributes or physical characteristics which stimulate us. There's also dynamics that link looks and behavior that play into this. It's real easy to be physically attracted to someone and later find out they are worthless as a dating partner or mate. While I may like blonds, only a small percentage of them may stimulate me sexually.

 

Some men tend to be physically attracted to petite ladies...but not all petite ladies. There has to be that complete physical combination for sparks to fly.

 

If somebody says they can control who they are physically attracted to, they either don't understand the question or they are way too horny for it to be worth your while to study them.

Touche Established Member

Touche

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No of course we can't control who we're attracted to but we CAN control what we do about that attraction.

Apple Blossom Member

Apple Blossom

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No I don't think we can help who we are physically attracted to, but i do think that as you get to know people that attraction changes. If you find someone who you think is cute, get to know them, get to like them in a romantic way, then your physical attraction to them is increased.

 

Likewise, if you are physically attracted to someone, you get to know them, find out they are a complete jerk, I think the physical attraction is lessoned.

 

That said, I think there are some people who fall into neither category, but thats just my view!

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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I agree with TONY T...we don't have much control over who we're attracted to and who's attracted to us. The hardest part is finding some mutual attraction between individuals.

 

Thats when the sparks fly!

taiko Established Member

taiko

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yes it happens quite often ... why ?

I agree those that are drawn to racial seperatist groups tend to allow their political affiliation drive the type of person they are attracted to. For example case a black man will say how Britney Spears doesn't have enough ass or her hair is too long and straight.

 

You might think they lie to themselves but part of attractiveness is the status you receive from your primary social group when you are seen with your partner.

 

The most obvious example is gay men who find attractiveness in a woman because of the social stigma sometimes invovled with seeing a man attractive.

pricillia Established Member

pricillia

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I agree those that are drawn to racial seperatist groups tend to allow their political affiliation drive the type of person they are attracted to. For example case a black man will say how Britney Spears doesn't have enough ass or her hair is too long and straight.

 

You might think they lie to themselves but part of attractiveness is the status you receive from your primary social group when you are seen with your partner.

 

The most obvious example is gay men who find attractiveness in a woman because of the social stigma sometimes invovled with seeing a man attractive.

 

 

HUH?

What are you saying all gay men love cher?

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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No of course we can't control who we're attracted to but we CAN control what we do about that attraction.

I 100% agree. Look past the shell and be cautious. Actions speak louder than words.

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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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We don't have much control over who we're attracted to and who's attracted to us. The hardest part is finding some mutual attraction between individuals.

 

Yes I agree that is hard. Sometimes impossible.

 

I have been told I'm close-minded on physical attraction and I don't mean to be. I'm attracted to whom I'm attracted to.

 

It is the first thing I look at. If I'm not attracted to a specific person it doesn't go any further.

 

That is why I'm asking for posters thoughts. :)

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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It is the first thing I look at. If I'm not attracted to a specific person it doesn't go any further.

yes, in the initial mating ritual its the woman who has final say....any player knows this basic fact.

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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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yes, in the initial mating ritual its the woman who has final say....any player knows this basic fact.

I can see that. The attraction must be there.

Phoebe Established Member

Phoebe

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I don't think that you can control who you're attracted to, and I don't think that you can hide it either. No matter how hard you try I think your body language gives you away.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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I don't think that you can control who you're attracted to, and I don't think that you can hide it either. No matter how hard you try I think your body language gives you away.

yep, and since women are generally better at reading body language its the men who get outed :laugh:

Tony T Established Member

Tony T

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I don't think that you can control who you're attracted to, and I don't think that you can hide it either. No matter how hard you try I think your body language gives you away.

 

The real problem for me is that I've always been able to be attracted to LOTS of women...at the same time. When you meet someone special, all that other stuff is supposed to turn off. In my case it only gets in the way. How are you supposed to get a meaningful relationship off the ground if everytime you go to the mall, the beach, downtown, a restaurant or wherever...you get turned on to other females? I know women hate guys like this but MOST guys ARE like this. They just don't talk about it.

 

It would be nice to be able to control this.

Phoebe Established Member

Phoebe

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yep, and since women are generally better at reading body language its the men who get outed :laugh:

 

Not all the time though. Several years ago at work one guy accused me of being attracted to him. When I asked him why he thought that he couldn't come up with a single action of mine as evidence, I hadn't been flirting or anything, all he could tell me was that it was in my eyes. :confused: Damn eyes!

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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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I don't think that you can control who you're attracted to, and I don't think that you can hide it either. No matter how hard you try I think your body language gives you away.

 

Depends. I can hide it fairly easy. Except my eyes. That is why I try and wear sunglasses if outside. Hard to tell then.

 

yep, and since women are generally better at reading body language its the men who get outed :laugh:

 

Oh yes I can tell. It's clear as day with some men. :laugh:

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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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Not all the time though. Several years ago at work one guy accused me of being attracted to him. When I asked him why he thought that he couldn't come up with a single action of mine as evidence, I hadn't been flirting or anything, all he could tell me was that it was in my eyes. :confused: Damn eyes!

Were you attracted to him?

Phoebe Established Member

Phoebe

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Were you attracted to him?

 

Yeah, a bit. :o Knowing that I was attracted to him I tried my hardest not to give anything away and I thought I was doing well but apparently the eyes did it. I now have no confidence in being able to hide an attraction.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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if you're an attractive person of either sex you get attention mulitple times daily from all types of people. it becomes second nature to spot who digs you and who doesn't. sometimes the attention becomes overwhelming, but you learn to deal with it.

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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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Yeah, a bit. :o Knowing that I was attracted to him I tried my hardest not to give anything away and I thought I was doing well but apparently the eyes did it. I now have no confidence in being able to hide an attraction.

I know that's hard. I try the glasses or not look at them directly. That way they can't them. LOL!!

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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I know that's hard. I try the glasses or not look at them directly. That way they can't them. LOL!!

Ah but that's a teller unto itself. If you avoid eye contact when you normally are an eye contact person and you start to fidget, your body language is giving you away again. ;)

Tony T Established Member

Tony T

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if you're an attractive person of either sex you get attention mulitple times daily from all types of people. it becomes second nature to spot who digs you and who doesn't. sometimes the attention becomes overwhelming, but you learn to deal with it.

 

Yeah, I know. It's been a real struggle for me!

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VirtualInsanity Established Member

VirtualInsanity

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Ah but that's a teller unto itself. If you avoid eye contact when you normally are an eye contact person and you start to fidget, your body language is giving you away again. ;)

Yes your right. Lol!

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