NightsInWhiteSatin Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I was hurt very hurt by my ex and i've been hurt by the ex's before him. No battering or anything like that, i mean emotionally hurt. My last 6 boyfriends have cheated on me with my 'friends'. I've been manipulated to the high heavens and back, i've been used, strung along and walked over so many times i've lost count. It's turned me into i b*tch, im not the same person i was. How do i get past this? I just want to be me again.
oppath Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Well, I would say you make some bad choices and you've stayed in relationships too long. You don't have to become a bitch, or necessarily more guarded, but your really need to examine where in your last relationships red flags appeared early -- this will give you clues as to what to look for in the future -- and when to put your foot down and what you are unwilling to accept. The common denominator is, sadly, you. This doesn't excuse your exs' behaviors, but you can choose better people for you. This may mean dating more casually, or not dating as much, focusing on you and waiting until you truly meet someone amazing, or it may mean WALK at the first red flag. There are dangers when walking at the first red flag because there are always red flags early on. To some women, a guy not offering a bite of their hotdog is a red flag. But you know what I am saying. I am sure these guys behaved in ways you didn't like but you tolerated it. Perhaps you expressed displeasure but you didn't assign repercussions, such as a willingness to walk away. Learn and make better choices. Don't be a bitch.
KittenMoon Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Nights- Their actions were in no way your fault, but maybe you should examine why you repeatedly get involved with the type of guy who cheats on you. After six times, there has to be some common elements about these guys that would tip you off- is it possible you are ignoring them for some reason?
Tony T Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I was hurt very hurt by my ex and i've been hurt by the ex's before him. No battering or anything like that, i mean emotionally hurt. My last 6 boyfriends have cheated on me with my 'friends'. I've been manipulated to the high heavens and back, i've been used, strung along and walked over so many times i've lost count. It's turned me into i b*tch, im not the same person i was. How do i get past this? I just want to be me again. That's a decision YOU have to make. Those experiences should have made you stronger and wiser but NOT a bxtch. You have to take some responsibility for picking the men you pick to date and you have to take some responsibility for not paying attention and drawing boundaries for their behavior. Women are VERY intuitive and the minute you start listening to that little voice within you will be able to ferret out the *******s very quickly. There is simply no way all of this should affect you unless you let it. These experiences happen, you heal from them, and you move on as the same kind, sweet lady you always were...except wiser and sharper. The decision to be a bxtch is YOURS! Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to avoid men who will cheat. I will tell you that many don't. The minute you tell yourself inside your head that you will no longer attract these kinds of men, you won't. And YOU need to take responsibility for the quality of your "girlfriends." In my book, women who will screw a friend's boyfriends ARE NOT friends. Where do you find these worms? Go find friends somewhere else.
Lizzie60 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I was hurt very hurt by my ex and i've been hurt by the ex's before him. No battering or anything like that, i mean emotionally hurt. My last 6 boyfriends have cheated on me with my 'friends'. I've been manipulated to the high heavens and back, i've been used, strung along and walked over so many times i've lost count. It's turned me into i b*tch, im not the same person i was. How do i get past this? I just want to be me again. You want to be 'you' again???? You've been cheated on, manipulated, been used, strung along and walked over so many times you've lost count and you want to be 'you' again... Sorry but what you think you've turned into (bitch) is only a 'stronger' woman... it has nothing to do with a bitch...now you can take care of yourself.. you can defend yourself... you're not going to let anyone walk all over you anymore... Hooray for you!!!!
Pilgrim Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I was hurt very hurt by my ex and i've been hurt by the ex's before him. No battering or anything like that, i mean emotionally hurt. My last 6 boyfriends have cheated on me with my 'friends'. I've been manipulated to the high heavens and back, i've been used, strung along and walked over so many times i've lost count. It's turned me into i b*tch, im not the same person i was. How do i get past this? I just want to be me again. It sounds like you've been through 7 shades of hell - I really feel for you. I don't think we can ever be what we were. But don't let your suffering control you either. It could just as easily give you a humanity that makes you "real". Your choice - but with all you've been through you need people to help you get through, and it will take time so dont be hard on yourself. Hang in there.
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Before you get serious about a guy, watch for patterns of behaviour. Is he considerate of you? If not, you have your answer. Someone on LS has a sig that reads something like, "Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option".
passionpeach Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I was hurt very hurt by my ex and i've been hurt by the ex's before him. No battering or anything like that, i mean emotionally hurt. My last 6 boyfriends have cheated on me with my 'friends'. I've been manipulated to the high heavens and back, i've been used, strung along and walked over so many times i've lost count. It's turned me into i b*tch, im not the same person i was. How do i get past this? I just want to be me again. It looks like you are being too hard on yourself. You have to be emotionally stronger but not necessarily a b*tch for that matter. Everyday is not a sunny day but sometimes it's through the rain that we learn how to be stronger outside out comfort zones. Apparently, your exes were not the persons that were meant to stay with you forever so I am sure that you will soon find someone along. Also search yourself and see why the same thing happened to you several times. What is the common denominator? Get some day off. Get in touch with yourself. Don't dwell on the negative things that happened. Love yourself above anything else.
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