Confused0872 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 The last time i posted on here was in regards to my husband and i arguing. Well, that situation got somewhat cleared up and things headed back on a normal track, maybe better than normal track. We went a couple weekends ago to look at a new home, i fell in love immediately with it as did he. We filled out the necessary paperwork and started budgeting our money so we could move in by either the first of June or at the latest, the first of July. He was back to being very sweet, loving, u name it. Everything was going really, really great! Then, the most heartbreaking thing you could think of happened. My ex husband, whom i had told about 4 weeks ago now that i needed him to start paying the child support he owes me AND back child support, decided to keep 2 of my children with him on one of the weekends he gets them. He is falsely accusing me and my current husband of beating them. He went out obtained a protective order against me and husband and i havent seen nor talked to my girls in over a week now. Im devastated. We have four children together. Three girls and one boy. My son didnt want to go up that weekend because his father has a dog that bites him and chases him and my ex husband allows that to happen because he thinks its funny. I didnt force my son to go (he is five). So he only had our three girls. He flipped out over our son not being there and called me yelling, cursing, screaming and threatening me that he was going to file "papers" on me, i had no idea what papers he was referring to but i was just like whatever. This was on a friday. That following sunday when he usually brings the kids back home, he only brought back our one daughter and kept the other 2 with him. I of course called the police and thats how i found out what he had done. Since then its been a nitemare for me. I do have an attorney (thank god), but im still so scared. My current husband and i have fought like cats and dogs since this has happened. I guess due to so much stress and worrying and mostly shock. Ive taken care of ALL of my kids since the day they were born with basically no help from their father whatsoever. He sees them twice a month and thats it. He was an abusive husband and i put him in jail for that and had filed many restraining orders on him. But because i was just plain stupid i guess, i would always allow him to come back. Finally, almost seven years ago, he walked out and never came back. Ive managed on my own since then with all of our children. My current husband came into our lives five years ago and he stepped up to the plate and pretty much picked up my ex husbands slack on taking care of our kids. When we got married, my ex husband flipped out and tried his best to talk me out of it. Keep in mind my ex is now remarried himself with a child with her. He just always seems to try to control everything in my life. When i finally grew a spine 4 weeks ago and decided ive had enuff of allowing him to just get away with everything and decided to take him back to court, is when all of this horrible drama started. Needless to say, my husband and i lost the home we were about to get because now we have to pay for an attorney. Ive missed so much time from work because of meeting with attorneys and legal advocates that im in jeopardy of losing my job, my husband has missed several days from his job as well because of this and has lost out so far on over 500 dollars worth of work. I dont understand that if im such a bad parent and my husband is too, why in the name of God would he bring our other daughter back?? Why doesnt the courts even look at that?? Now something new has happened on top of all of this. I happened to be on my husbands pc the other day accessing his bank account (he has it bookmarked on his computer and he wanted me to look something up for him) and i saw where he had been to a dating site. Well, with a little more digging i found out the screen name he has on it and i read the profile he created on there. It states he is single and looking for a woman for "hanging out". This is something he has recently created. I havent talked to him about this because quite honestly, i cant deal with it right now. Everything just seems to be falling completely apart right before my eyes. I dont know what im trying to achieve by posting this here. I dont know if its advice im looking for or just to get all this out of my system. I cant very well go to my friends and family with this new discovery (my current husband on this dating site) because honestly im quite embarassed by it. The reason i FINALLY grew a spine with my ex husband is because i recently purchased the book "why men marry bitches" and that book helped me become so strong and handle things in such a diff way. I realize its about relationships and trying to get a man to marry you or whatever, but some of the advice she gives has really, really helped me in the way i think and have acted in the past towards men. If my current husband leaves, quite honestly i dont give a rats ass. Yes, id be hurt and crushed, but i just honestly dont care anymore. My kids and getting thru this is much MUCH more important than worrying about him. So, there is everything im dealing with. Im sorry it was so long and i probably left out lots of details but my head is spinning. Has anyone ever gone thru ANYTHING similar to this? I know none of these things my ex husband is alleging has happened, but i am still scared. These kids are my life, my world. Everything i have ever done has been for them. Ive tried to so hard for so long to raise them, to provide for them, to teach them all on my own and now he wants to try and be father of the year and just take them from me. He called me a week ago to make a "deal" he told me that he wanted the 2 he has now and if i didnt do it he would take me to court. He said he had a "crooked lawyer" and i said u have no grounds to take my kids from me and he just started laughing, hung up on me and now this is happening. Ive never cried so much in my entire life. I pray every single day. Nothing seems to help alleviate any of this pain or worry. Weve done NOTHING wrong, but like my lawyer told me, its very hard to prove a negative and thats exactly what we have to do.
nittygritty Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Wow, I am sorry that you are dealing with so much! Hopefully, your attorney has filed some contempt charges against your ex for violating the custody agreement and the back child support. Get to know the current divorce laws where you live. You may be entitled to an increase in child support if there has been an increase in earnings since the original computation was made. Make sure that a new calculation won't lower what your already recieving before your attorney would request income information for an increase in child support. You said that you lost the home you were trying to purchase. Are you going to remain at the same place you have been living during the custody case? A good friend of mine went through a nasty custody case where false accusations were being made by her ex. Social Services will interview the kids, check both homes and interview you and your husband and your ex and his wife before findings are submitted. Your ex bringing back one of the kids and not filing to get your son won't look good to the courts or Social Services. Your attorney needs to request that your ex pay all of your attorney fees and court fees. Your ex is harrassing you and making false allegations is not going to go over well in court. Not paying his back child support may cause your ex to lose his driver's license or go to jail. Find out the punishment in your area and have your attorney file charges. You can get his check's garnished as well. I wouldn't do anything about your current marriage problems until you get your kids back unless there is any validity to the abuse charges involving your current spouse then remove him from the home, immediately. Good Luck and Take Care
Author Confused0872 Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 Yes, we are going to stay were i currently live. What i meant by losing the home we were going to get was that my husband and i let it go because we knew this was going to cost us some serious money for the attorney and what not. Was just so upsetting to have to do that. Custody had already been established almost seven years ago regarding our kids. In those custody papers it stated an amount my ex husband was supposed to pay. I reside in a diff state and i have lived in this state since 1996. When my ex left us, he moved to a diff state and someone said that there may be a jurisdiction issue since he is filing all this crap in the state HE resides, not our kids. But i have to talk to my attorney in more detail about that. But regarding the child support, my state only enforces HALF of what he was court ordered to pay due to the way his lawyer broke things down in our divorce papers. They told me if i wanted to enforce the remainder, i would have to go to the state my ex lives in and modify the court order. I never did it because i was scared something like what im dealing with now would happen (not false allegations tho, my God i never thought in a million years he would try this type of stunt). It was just easier to try and deal with this on my own than to have to go thru God knows what with my ex. But like i mentioned, i grew this spine and decided i was NOT going to lay down and be his puppy anymore. I have to admit, part of me wishes i would have just dealt with the half he was paying me, at least my kids would still be with me. But on the other hand, someone has to teach this idiot a lesson and show him that he cannot control me or my life ANYMORE. This creep owes my children over 20,000 dollars in back child support..that is just insane. Ive had social services called on me in the past. Once years ago and once again not too long ago. Of course they dont tell you who it was that called but i have since found out that it was indeed my ex husband. The first time he called was because he was "mad" at me and at that time, he had only been gone for about 3 months or so...he was mad because, again, he thought i was going to go after him in court for more child support. The complaint didnt involve abuse tho, he tried to get me on neglect. The state investigated, interviewed my kids, me, walked thru my home etc and the findings were unsubstantiated. I was raising three children alone and pregnant with our fourth at the time this occurred. The second time they were called was a few months ago (keep in mind i just got married a few months ago and my ex was soo worried that my husband and i would "screw him out of money", those were his exact words to me and thats when he kept trying to talk me OUT of getting married), this time tho they said my husband was abusing my kids. I wasnt involved in that one, only my ex husband. Again, they interviewed my kids (not in front of me they pulled them out of class at school), they came to my home, interviewed me and my husband, and AGAIN, it was found unsubstantiated. He told the cops in his state that he had my state investigate but they did nothing so now he was going thru his state. I never knew he was the one that called, it never crossed my mind really that it was him, looking back now, it should have. I keep wondering how many times my family is going to have to go thru this crap. He has told my kids on numerous occasions he didnt care if my husband just grabbed their arm, that he was NOT to touch my kids in any way shape or form..he wasnt even to yell at my kids nor discipline them at all and if he did, they were to tell my ex husband and he would get them to come live with him. He is so manipulating. He has called me a money hungry b*tch and other horrible names. I am not money hungry. I have made it by on 300 dollar a month for four children for the almost past seven years. He is a supervisor for a very good company AND he owns his own business on the side. Just bought a new home, a brand new truck for himself and a brand new car for his wife. Im sorry, im SICK of my kids getting crapped on like this. Its just not fair. I figured it up on a child support calculator for the state he resides in and according to that, an estimate of what he should be paying a month is at LEAST 1000 per month. And he says im screwing HIM out of money? I wouldnt wish this mess on my worst enemy. This is an absolute nightmare. To top all this off i feel like a piece of crap for not pursuing this years ago and im scared one day my kids will hold that against me, my family already does. They just dont understand how afraid ive been of him. No one seems to. Im not using that an excuse, i truly was and part of me still is afraid. I just keep thinking about our kids and that is what keeps pushing me forward with this. I will not back down, not this time. Im done with being walked on. And you are right, as far as my current issues with my husband and finding that..its the least of my worries right now. I have so much other stuff to deal with that i honestly havent given that problem much thought. I will deal with that when this is over.
nittygritty Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Here is a link to a helpful website: http://deltabravo.net/custody/articles.php S.P.A.R.C.-Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center There are many helpful articles on dealing with Custody Issues.
Author Confused0872 Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 Thank you nitty. I checked it out and yes, it does have a lot of information on there. I received in the mail today papers to modify our court order. Now he is taking me to court for custody of the 2 girls and he wants joint custody of our other daughter and son, but wants them to live with me. I also had a card from social services stuck in my door when i came home from work today. So lets see, im going to court in a week for child abuse, then i turn around and go to court next month for custody modification. If im such an abuser why would he want 2 of his kids to live here!!?? Why dont the courts see this?? Unreal. What is wrong with these courts!? Blows my mind. Ive never been under so much stress in my life and i thought my divorce from him was the most horrible thing i would ever have to endure. Boy was i so wrong. I just want this all to be over. I cant eat, i cant sleep, i worry all day long, i cant function at work, my husband and i seem to be arguing over every little thing these days. Its just a mess. I know im rambling and i dont mean to be. I just have to vent somewhere.
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