IWALH Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 MM wanted to see something on my myspace that you can only see if you are one of my preferred list friends and he isn't "allowed" to have a myspace right now (as per the wife's orders), so I let him have my password so he could just login and see it.... he also wanted to look at my messages to see what my guy friends say to me. He also wanted my email password so I gave him that as well. I don't exactly have anything to hide. He is the only guy I have been with in nearly 3 years and even when we were basically in NC mode for a year I never dated or kissed anyone! I do have a friend, though, that has always really liked me and I kind of liked him at one point and he has sent me a few messages that might make MM jealous, but I have never done anything with him so it shouldn't matter. I don't even know what I am trying to get at. MM was supposed to call me at 5:30 am yesterday and didn't. This isn't exactly unusual. He tells me he is going to call a lot and doesn't end up calling half the time (he calls me pretty much 2-3 times a week these days but promises to call almost every day... we live about 8-10 hours away for the time being, btw). But I am worried that maybe he saw some messages that made him jealous... even though they really shouldn't, he is just a jealous guy. And I think he might have seen in my email inbox how I changed my password to my livejournal account because I don't want him looking around in that just yet. Every time he doesn't call or something goes wrong I write about it in there and I don't shed the best light on him. Blah, I just wish he would call. I haven't done anything wrong.... maybe he just forgot. But every time he says he is going to call and then doesn't I start to panic. He really has a hold on me....
Enema Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 You're his property and he's punishing you for not making him the center of the universe and the only thing you think about. I hope you've learnt your lesson!
Phoebe Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Your MM sounds very insecure and possessive. Like he's the kind of person who would take 2+2 and come up with =5. Why does he have such a hold on you?
NoIDidn't Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I hope that you know that this is a very unhealthy relationship. Married couples don't give each other their passwords in most cases. You should not allow him to invade your privacy like that. First, he manipulates you into having sex with him with his wife and kids present. And now he is exerting an uncomfortable amount of control over you. Do you want to go on like this? It only gets worse.
Author IWALH Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 I hope that you know that this is a very unhealthy relationship. Married couples don't give each other their passwords in most cases. You should not allow him to invade your privacy like that. First, he manipulates you into having sex with him with his wife and kids present. And now he is exerting an uncomfortable amount of control over you. Do you want to go on like this? It only gets worse. Well, when he didn't call I changed my passwords. I'm sure he'll call now within the next day or two. I don't know what else to say..... or really think about the whole situation right now. I just feel like I will finally be able to live my life fully again after August... we'll see. I don't think he'll be as possessive or whatever when we are living together. I think it's just hard for him since we live so far apart and don't talk to each other every day. I can understand why he'd feel a little insecure. He truthfully has no reason to because I really haven't done or pursued anything with anyone since I met him. But I do understand why he is like that. And I only gave him my email and myspace passwords.... he doesn't even know my screen names on livejournal or loveshack, which is where I really let everything out.... that would definitely be too much of an invasion of my privacy.
NoIDidn't Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 No offense, but are you really that naive? You HOPE he'll be less possessive once you are living together? Quite the opposite. He won't change just because he's with you. Sorry. If he does come to you under these circumstances, you can count on him to become even more possessive because he knows what he did to others to get with you. He thinks that because he is a cheater, everyone else is just like him. I am just speculating here, but its been my experience that when cheaters want to snoop its because THEY are up to something. Not because you are up to something. He seems to already be thinking that you may have someone else on the side (like he does, mind you) and with the distance between you he can't trust you. IWAHL, things do NOT get better with this kind of man. Only worse. Insecurity doesn't go away overnight. And his glaringly obvious. And LOVE does NOT banish insecurity. He'll have to do that for himself. Not for you, anyone, or anything else. And he doesn't seem ready to be responsible for his actions yet. He's setting you up to get blamed for HIS problems.
mopar crazy Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I have to agree, it only gets worse. Do you really want a man like this in your life?
HennyPenny Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Please, don't allow your child to be part of this wreck. You plan on living together? What happens when he brings his new piece home and has sex with her in the presence of your child? And as for his phone etiquette - I think you expect far too much from this man. He's trash. Expect to be treated like trash. That would all be your prerogative, except you're taking an innocent party down with you. PLEASE think of your child.
pricillia Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 IWALH, I understand how you are feeling right now, I only have this to say to you. I know that you love this man and that you are waiting for him to come around to you. In the mean time, you should try to break free the control that he seems to have over you, you should not isolate yourself because of him. He is treating you somewhat like a child as far as making you give him your passwords to my space, and he used his wife in that scenario too to get you to do it. You want to please him and wife is not letting him do something so you give in... He sounds like a manipulative spoiled brat. I am not telling you what to do here, but just do not let him take advantage of you again!
whichwayisup Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 YOU OWE HIM NOTHING and in all honesty, to give him your password to myspace, email or whatever else is just NUTS! This is a very unhealthy situation be in, and he's TOXIC. Things will only get worse. As I said before, you were better off in NC mode. Remember back then? You had a life, strength, self confidence??? You were happy. Now? You're not at all. You may think you are during those stolen moments with him, but you're not really happy. Please think about your options.
sadbuttrue Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 i agree, this guy sounds very scary to me. i think MM tend to be very possessive of their OW. they dont want them to be with anyone but them, while they sleep with their wives every night. i happened to tell MM about a text message i had gotten after 11pm, and he said "that is awful late to be getting a text message" like he is my father or something. i should have said, hmmm.....that is awful late to be naked in bed with another woman. but of course i didnt, in his mind he has done no wrong by sleeping with his wife, but i shouldnt be getting messages from other guys. MM live by double standards, otherwise how would their perfect worlds make sense?
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