Walk Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 My bf, now ex I guess, broke up with me lsat night. Guess I'm still in shock. He tells me it wasn't about the argument. Its all the arguments. I can understand that. But then he goes on about how he doesn't believe I really love him. I didn't say anything. And he talks for a long long time about how he can't do this anymore, all the fighting. And about how he's messed up in the head. And that he doens't want to end, but its for the best. I gotta find some where to live now. He said I could stay here til I find some where else to live, that he'd help me financially, or whatever.. I can't stay here. It hurts. I can't stop crying. It all looks exactly like it did when he used to love me. Now it's "bye walk, have a nice life". Kicked to the curb. Go figure. I'm really hurt. He was so angry yesterday that even when I tried to get things back to a normal conversation level (twice) he ignored it. That was 8 hours prior to the "breakup". Then implied this was all my fault. That if I'd understood him more then I would have let him have his idiosyncrosis, and not let them bother me. But I can't. I'm ok if he just does it a couple times, but three, four times a day for several days and I get upset about it. Not angry, just quiet. I'm really hurt. How'd I end up the bad guy in all this? He's quick to list off all the things he does for me, but doesn't seem to notice all the **** I did for him. And every solution to a problem we've had entailed me making sure he was happy first, and then he'd be able to give me a hug, or tell me I was pretty. But then in his "break up speech" he's going on and on about how he wasn't selfish, that he had needed my help and I hadn't been willing to give it (or something). I'm screwed up in the head right now. I don't want to break up. I know it's probably for the best. Feel like my hearts been shredded and handed back to me, and told to "be happy" and have a good life.. etc. whatever. Anyway, he's off with his friends and family (left me a note). My family left for vacation saturday, and won't be back for a month. I feel really alone. Misunderstood, unlistened to, and shoved away because I was hurt and it inconvienced someone else.
Lishy Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Oh Honey I am so sorry to hear you are hurting like this! Walk I have followed your story with your guy very closely and I know this is not what you want to hear but I think he has just done you the biggest favour he could have! You are the smartest, sweetest, kindest and most considerate person and you deserve so much more than this guy can offer you! You wont see that at the moment because you are torn in two and hurting! You will see it one day Although I have a feeling that this is not over yet! I have a feeling you wont be moving out just yet. You write on here and get as much support as you can honey and I am here in PM or email whenever you need me ok?
lindya Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I'm also sorry to hear this, Walk. My first reaction, though, is that you've sounded unhappy in this relationship for a long time. I think when you're with someone who's really not right for you, you can get so sucked into the business of trying to make it work that you lose sight of the fact that it doesn't need to be that difficult. Or that stressful. A relationship that's as emotionally taxing as the one you've talked about here drains your energy and limits your potential. When you're with the wrong person for you (as you so clearly have been) it makes you feel that you're all wrong. That you need to somehow change yourself to fit into their "ideal partner" mould. That's a huge part of what leaves a person feeling so miserable when they're with the wrong partner. That, and the fact that they're constantly in doubt about the future of the relationship. It sounds to me, from everything that you've posted on this board about the relationship, that the two of you just couldn't quite fit together. There was evidently enough love and chemistry for you both to keep trying, trying and trying despite all the arguments. It's incredibly difficult, emotionally, to accept that a relationship that's important to you just can't work out - but I share Lishy's view that in time you'll be so glad he made this decision. It's freeing you up for something that can actually bring a bit of joy into your life, instead of all the doubt, insecurity and despondency that you've posted about feeling in the course of this relationship.
Author Walk Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 That selfish bastard. Man, he got to talk for 2 hours last night about how he felt, and his problems, and his thoughts, etc. etc.. and I listened to the WHOLE GOD DAMN thing. And I don't get the same in return. I'm left to clean up the mess. Clean the apartment, call the landlord and tell him we won't be resigning the lease, pay the bills, move my ****. What's he doing? Off with friends. This is so par for the course. Leave me high and dry while he's wandering around pretending to be someone special. like he's anything special. ****ing fruitloop is what he is. Bipolar, depressive, psychotic ass hole. It'll be nice not to have every comment I make met with a pessimistic, negative response.
lindya Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Bipolar, depressive, psychotic ass hole. It'll be nice not to have every comment I make met with a pessimistic, negative response. That's the spirit. See how you're already starting to see the positives of this break up? This is just the start, Walk. Take a deep breath, and look at that open road ahead of you. You can start rediscovering who you are when you're not struggling under the weight of someone else's baggage. You might even start discovering, and relieving yourself, of a bit of baggage of your own now that you're not with someone who constantly puts you on the defensive. Good luck, and you know where to come when you need to sound off/analyse.
sb129 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Atta girl Walk. You are starting to see the positives from this R ending already which is fantastic. I know you are hurting, but Lindyas post was absolutely spot on. A relationship that's as emotionally taxing as the one you've talked about here drains your energy and limits your potential. When you're with the wrong person for you (as you so clearly have been) it makes you feel that you're all wrong. That you need to somehow change yourself to fit into their "ideal partner" mould. That's a huge part of what leaves a person feeling so miserable when they're with the wrong partner. That, and the fact that they're constantly in doubt about the future of the relationship. I was in one like this last year, and it was exhausting and left me miserable. in time you'll be so glad he made this decision. It's freeing you up for something that can actually bring a bit of joy into your life, instead of all the doubt, insecurity and despondency that you've posted about feeling in the course of this relationship. You really will. It may not seem like it now, but your door to potential relationship happiness just opened up a little bit more.
lindya Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Atta girl Walk. You are starting to see the positives from this R ending already Oh my God. Jinx! Both exactly at 4.04pm GMT.
sb129 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Great minds think alike! You know I want to be you when I grow up Lindya.
Author Walk Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 He came home... He keeps saying he loves me, and doesn't want to see this end. Then talks about how we need to part ways. Then back to "how can we make this relationship work"... back to we need to end it. I know this is irrational, and assinine, but that stupid hope that we could make this work won't go away. Every time he suggests he doesn't want to end this, my little heart jumps for joy. Then I get all emotional, and I can't friggin' talk, and I feel like I'm going to ball my eyes out if I even breathe. And I just sit there staring at the floor 'cause even looking toward him makes me cry. He's making me feel guilty. Keeps talking about all he was asking for was for me to help him to learn how to be a loving caring person. That he didn't have that in his child-thru-adult life, and I'm not trying to help him, just pointing fingers at flaws. That he isn't even asking me to do all the work, just look past some of his behavior and not get upset about it. Now I feel like crap. He's going on about how he has no one in his life he can depend on. His parents are dead, his brother is worthless and needy. And says "what do I have? A girlfriend. No offense, but I've had lots of those, and they've all bailed when things got rough". That I don't understand how stressful that is, and that's what causes him to be the way he is. Seemed to me he was implying that because he has no family then he's forced to be an ******* all the time. And back into "where are we heading", "where is this relationship going". WTH? Does he or doesn't he want to split? And why the guilt trip?
sb129 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 This is going to sound harsh, but who cares what he wants now? he can't just chop and change over a decision like that. He blew it IMO. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't and from your previous posts, and this thread its clear that he doesn't make you happy. You have to look out for yourself Walk, not him. HE is responsible for his own happiness, you are not.
lindya Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 He keeps saying he loves me, and doesn't want to see this end. I'm sure that's very true. Then talks about how we need to part ways. Because, presumably, the relationship is making you both so unhappy. Then back to "how can we make this relationship work" Maybe we haven't been working hard enough? Maybe if we just make a bit more effort....?? You know what SB129 and I think, Walk. What we've pretty much said is that they harder you have to try to make the other person happy, the more resentment will build up and unleashes itself in a fury on those occasions that the relationship isn't working. Your bf, from what you've said, is unhappy about a whole host of things...and there's no magic wand out there for you to wave and change all that. You've spent long enough looking. Every time he suggests he doesn't want to end this, my little heart jumps for joy. Then I get all emotional, and I can't friggin' talk, and I feel like I'm going to ball my eyes out if I even breathe. And I just sit there staring at the floor 'cause even looking toward him makes me cry. I know exactly how you feel. Been in that situation - you described it to perfection. He's making me feel guilty. Keeps talking about all he was asking for was for me to help him to learn how to be a loving caring person. "All he was asking"? As if it's the equivalent to asking someone to pass the salt? Walk, sweetheart, what he's saying is rather like an amputee insisting "all I was asking was for you to help me walk, run and dance like a normal person." That he isn't even asking me to do all the work, just look past some of his behavior and not get upset about it. But that behaviour impacts you in ways you've discussed many times on the board. Doesn't he appreciate how much work goes into tolerating the ways in which a mental health problem (if that's what he has, and your post suggests he does) manifests itself? Does he seriously not consider that to be hard work? Do you yourself have to deny that it's emotionally draining to cope with that, in order to preserve his feelings? Where does that leave you? Now I feel like crap. He's going on about how he has no one in his life he can depend on. His parents are dead, his brother is worthless and needy. And says "what do I have? A girlfriend. No offense, but I've had lots of those, and they've all bailed when things got rough". They will. Everything has its breaking point, and if you spend a lot of your life testing out what that breaking point is then you can expect to find it when you least want to. WTH? Does he or doesn't he want to split? And why the guilt trip? What would you say, Walk? Read your post over and tell us why you think he's doing this.
norajane Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 He's making me feel guilty. Keeps talking about all he was asking for was for me to help him to learn how to be a loving caring person. That he didn't have that in his child-thru-adult life, and I'm not trying to help him, just pointing fingers at flaws. That he isn't even asking me to do all the work, just look past some of his behavior and not get upset about it. Oh, no, no, no, NO!!! He can't become a loving, caring person unless he does a LOT of work! Looking past his behaviors is not helping him - it's allowing him to continue being a selfish jerk, AT YOUR EXPENSE. He is actually asking you to do all the work, as you have been doing all along. What has he done for you? When has he listened to what you were saying and said, "you're right. I will stop criticizing you when you help me finish the dishes. It's silly for me to get mad at you for helping just because you didn't beg and plead with me to allow you to help me." Do you see? He says he wants help, but whenever you have tried to help him, he has gotten mad at you because he perceives it as a criticism. That's what I gathered from your past threads anyway. This is the same thing. He says he wants you to help him become a loving person, but he gets angry whenever you try because he thinks you are criticizing (pointing out his flaws) rather than offering a different way to do things. Aaaargh! I'm frustrated for you on your behalf. Now I feel like crap. He's going on about how he has no one in his life he can depend on. There's a reason for that, and it has nothing to do with you. People who have others to depend are people who are there FOR others to depend on. He is not there for other people, so of course he doesn't have anyone to depend on. Lots of people have crap families. But you know what they do? They develop friendships with people who become like family. And they do that by being good friends to them. If your ex does not have people like that in his life, it's because he has never extended himself to do FOR OTHERS. Including YOU. He's guilt-tripping you because he can - you love him and are susceptible to the guilt trip. He's an ass for playing that card.
Trialbyfire Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Here's a one-liner Walk. Since when did you become solely responsible for someone else's happiness? Your s/n says it all. This boy will suck you dry.
Tormented Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 But then he goes on about how he doesn't believe I really love him. I didn't say anything. And he talks for a long long time about how he can't do this anymore, all the fighting. And about how he's messed up in the head. And that he doens't want to end, but its for the best. Walk, I don't know the entire history between your bf and you, but from what you have said above...this guy smacks (LOUDLY) of NPD, (Narcissitic Personality Disorder). When he told you he doesn't believe you love him, he's not pulling your leg. Because Narcisstics aren't capable of loving another (they often mistake feelings of "psuedo happiness" and delusional "ideations" for feelings of love because they've never experienced REAL love, hense their inability to maintain a loving relationship for the long haul). So, when you tell him you love him, bend over backwards to SHOW him your love, he won't be able to grasp it because he's incapable of knowing what REAL love is. NO amount of telling him or showing him your love will change the course of his twisted mindset. NPD is a deep, twisted disorder that tends to suck others into a world of confusion, pain and a depletion of self-esteem. They are like vampires, sucking those who love them dry in order to get what is called..."Narcisstic Supply." But the main root of this disease is, contrary to the name given it, "Narcisstic"...these people actually suffer with severe "self-loathing," and can't understand why anybody could ever love them. In fact, they often feel that there must be something wrong with the person who loves them because deep inside, they feel they are a "horrible" person. And the sad part? Very often, they are! I don't know your bf's history, but good chances are he's been in a series of short-lived relationships, he's got very few friends (if any) and has a strained (or non-existent) relationship with his family. And he's probably told you that these "terrible" people turned their backs on him for no good reason "after all he's done for them!" And I've no doubt every relationship he's been in, it was HER fault. She somehow did him wrong, she was a terrible person, and HE was the victim. Right? And guess what, Walker? He'll go on to tell others the same about you. That you were a terrible person for not "being there for him when he needed you." Never mind that you poured your heart out for this relationship, that you put your OWN needs on the back burner for him...it's ALWAYS for and ABOUT him...all that will be waved off and forgotten. In his twisted little mind, you will be demonized to fit neatly into his maze of delusions. This way, he can escape any guilt or responsibility for his part in the demise of this relationship or the hurt he's caused you. In fact, he'll find a way to justify HIS behavior and actions that tore you and this relationship up...because, YOU are the bad person here, after all. So if anything, YOU deserved it after being so unattentive (or whatever it is he'll decide to dub you with) to such a caring, loving guy like him. Believe me, you aren't his only victim and you most certanly won't be his last. It's a vicious cycle that never ends with narcisstics. They are their own worst enemies, but their twisted, delusional mindset won't allow them to see it and most of them end up alone and miserable when they grow old. My advice? GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Narcisstics can NEVER bring happiness to another...they can only bring you sorrow, confusion and a great amount of pain. And if you hang on for long enough, they will damage you to such a degree that it can take YEARS to recover from, if ever. You don't deserve that, Walk. Your biggest crime here is loving a man who sounds Narcisstic, and the punishment you're suffering right now is unjust. I know leaving him is hard...very hard. A Narcisstic can be very loving, attentive, sweet, and will promise you a future of happiness. They have the ability to paint a beautiful picture to keep you hanging on, to keep you "hooked." That way, you'll stay with them through all the emotional abuse they dish out, and when you've had enough, they'll try to "guilt" you into staying. They are keen at reminding you of "everything they ever did for you," and will even become emotional and tearful while telling you that people in their life has "abandoned them" and they thought you were "different." How do I know this? Because I am STILL licking my wounds from a relationship that ended 10 months ago with a Narcisstic man. And it has been hell. But at least I escaped (although he has tried numerous times since the breakup to snag me back in), and my hope is you will escape as well. You are wasting your time and energy with this one, Walk. It's a no-win situation. Only degrees of losing. And if he stick around, you stand to lose A LOT. Your self-worth and esteem, for starters. Is that a life you want? No, I didn't think so. Reclaim YOURSELF, Walk. Take back what he's taken from you. He's not worthy of it. Instead, preserve it for a man who IS worthy. The ONE thing that will save you from a Narcisstic is this: YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM. Hang in there, Walk. ~T~
Lishy Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Tormented - I hear wyhat you say! I was in a narcisstic relationship for 14 years! Its hard to get out as they make you feel so guilty! I have spoken to Walk in the past but she chooses to stay as her self esteem is at zero because of him but she does not see this yet as I didnt when I was in it! Walk I am sorry to talk about you and not to your there I just see what Tormented means and she is 100% right. He wont end it - He will upset you as much as he can as it makes him feel wanted and then at the twelth hour he will tell u its ok you can stay as long as you do what he wants and make him happy. You will then breathe a sigh of relief and stay and do what he says. I predict this Lets see if I am right? If I am right honey then will you listen to me???????????? You are wonderful babe and I wish I could send you a huge bag of self esteem!
sb129 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Walk I have been with an NPD guy too. And each time I tried to get away from his suffocating BS,he would try to convince me that he needed me, he would promise to change, but all the time subtly hinting that i was to blame too. I have never looked back. The day I got out for good was that day good things started to happen to me. Walk, I really respect you you write some amazing posts on here, and you are a wonderful person from what I know of you. Please realise you deserve so much more than being strung along by someone who is trying to blame you for his own shortcomings.
Tormented Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Tormented - I hear wyhat you say! I was in a narcisstic relationship for 14 years! Its hard to get out as they make you feel so guilty! I have spoken to Walk in the past but she chooses to stay as her self esteem is at zero because of him but she does not see this yet as I didnt when I was in it! Hey Lishy... Of course she's blinded to it, just as we were while struggling in their web. What makes it so tough is the inability to see how toxic this web is when we are being slowly drained of self-esteem and sound judgement as a result. We are led to believe that this person - the SAME person who is draining us - loves us and has our best interests at heart. Not only that, but we are led to believe that we'll NEVER find another like them, or one that will love us as much. Yeah, right. I fully know what she's going through right now, and it's hell. A real bitter-sweet trap she's caught in. He feeds her just enough sugar to keep her hooked, then commences to toss vinegar her way. And she never knows what to expect. What will he serve me tonight? Sugar or vinegar? And when he decides on the vinegar, she won't understand why - what she did to deserve it. When you've done everything possible under the sun, both on a physical and emotional basis, to make this man happy, to assure him that he is deeply loved, only to be greeted with poor treatment...and THEN be told it's "YOUR FAULT,"...well, one can only be left in a state of complete confusion, incompetent and unloveable. And THAT'S the entire goal of the NPD. If he can chip away at your self-esteem, can convince you that you truly ARE unloveable and terribly flawed, then you won't leave because after all, who else could possibly love such a "undesireable" as yourself? This, of course, is designed to make you feel "grateful" for his "love." A real con job, but unfortunately...a VERY dangerous and potent one. Fourteen years, Lishy?? My God, it's a wonder you can function at all! I was with my narcisstic ex for about a year and in that short of time, he caused some major damage. It's been 10 months now, and although I've made great strides in healing and moving on, the anger/pain still lingers some. I think the biggest challenge I now face is trust issues...I've got it big time! There is something addictive about being in a relationship with a narcissistic. It's not like any other relationship you'll ever be in. They are VERY effective in making you feel deeply loved, cherished, special. They shower you with loving gestures, thoughtful gifts...and during this phase, they place YOU above all else. And it's so damn easy to get caught up in that, isn't it? They are usually upbeat, smooth, charming...and the "life of the party." They can be fun to be around, always offering some exciting adventure. They seem to know what your needs are, and they are quick to meet those needs and then some. And the next thing you know, you're hooked... And when THAT happens, it's downhill from there. They now feel comfortable enough to strip the "false-self" mask off and expose their "true self," much to your horror. And you wonder where the "loving, caring, attentive" guy you first met and fell in love with went? And you begin to wonder if it's something YOU did to bring on this change. And, of course, it doesn't help matters when he assures you at every opportunity that yes, it WAS you that caused this change in him. So you begin the uphill battle of trying to "fix" whatever it is he says you did, or didn't do, and there's always a long list. Because, you desperately want the "loving, caring, attentive" guy back, and if you just work hard enough, he'll come back. It's fruitless, of course. Because the "loving, caring, attentive" guy never existed in the first place. You're basically chasing a phantom...nothing more. But he'll lead you to believe that "things" can go back to the way they were, that the "good" guy will once again emerge if you would only do....and the list goes on. It's kinda like a carrot being dangled in front of a donkey to goad it forward. Always TRYING to reach that carrot, but the carrot will always remain out of reach. Regardless, the donkey just keeps moving forward, step by hopeful step, to obtain that carrot. But then, I know you KNOW what I'm saying. Feel like I'm preaching to the choir! lol... Congrats for escaping the vampire's den, Lishy. Now, if we can just save our "sista" here from this web. ~T~
Touche Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 He's clearly already sucked her back in. Walk, remember I told you I wasted nine years in a relationship that was similar to yours. I guess you're determined to waste more years of your life with this guy. I've said this before, and I think, Lindya touched on it as well, but good relationships don't look like this. Successful ones don't take this much WORK! Don't you know that? This will only get worse. I just hope it doesn't take you years to wake up to the realities here. Don't you want a healthy relationship with a WHOLE man? This guy is clearly not mentally healthy.
Author Walk Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 He wont end it - He will upset you as much as he can as it makes him feel wanted and then at the twelth hour he will tell u its ok you can stay as long as you do what he wants and make him happy. You will then breathe a sigh of relief and stay and do what he says. I know. Its exactly how I would feel too. How i've felt in the past. All this afternoon he gives me crap about how he wants to make the relationship work. That I'm smart, beautiful, etc... and he doens't want to lose me, but we can't keep arguing like this. That the only way we can stay together is if we come up with a solution that will stop the prolonged arguments. I've tried everything I can think of already. He asked me today what my suggestions were, and I told him we need to put a lot of work into following good rules for arguing. Not the dysfunctional habits we have. And he tells me, after I suggest that we "BOTH" really need some serious research into better arguing habits and to both take the energy and time we're spending on arguments to really dig into how to air our problems better.... well, he says "What do I get out of it?" I said, "a loving happy relationship with good sex." He responded that he didn't believe me. I finally asked him if we were over or not. And he says again... he doesn't want us to be, but if we can't stop arguing then we need to split. I just wanted a yes or no answer. I need some sleep. He's gone for the night and I've got most my stuff packed and ready to go. Figure I'll get a hotel room tomorrow night and start searching for a new place tuesday evening.
lindya Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I finally asked him if we were over or not. And he says again... he doesn't want us to be, but if we can't stop arguing then we need to split. I just wanted a yes or no answer. Given that he's in the habit of avoiding responsibility and passing blame onto others, it seems very unlikely that he'll ever give you a definitive answer. That would be far too much like a clear decision that he'd have to take some ownership over. I need some sleep. He's gone for the night and I've got most my stuff packed and ready to go. Figure I'll get a hotel room tomorrow night and start searching for a new place tuesday evening. Does this mean you've made a decision? Someone has to, eventually...
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Walk, unless someone with NPD is willing to admit a need for professional help, there's nothing you can do that will make it better. Don't let him continue draining you dry. well, he says "What do I get out of it?" You basically said, let's fix the problem together. He's saying, it's your problem.
Author Walk Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 I don't think he's NPD. It affects less than 1 percent of the population. Not saying he doesn't have big problems. I know he does. Just not sure it's that. Given that he's in the habit of avoiding responsibility and passing blame onto others, it seems very unlikely that he'll ever give you a definitive answer. That would be far too much like a clear decision that he'd have to take some ownership over. You got that right. I told him that today. That he doesn't take responsibility for his actions, and he seems to find ways for me to change in order to "resolve" a problem. He said that wasn't true, that he doesn't tell me its my fault, or I have to fix it, he's just bringing up concerns he has. Does this mean you've made a decision? Someone has to, eventually... I got home, he wanted to talk. I mean, I do too. I hate leaving crap unresolved. But nothing got resolved. I feel really betrayed. Really hurt, you know. I just wanted him to acknowledge I had a right to feel that way and to be angry. But he says I twist everything he says around... that he wasn't saying what I took things to mean. I'm really beat and he left for the night... I'm going to start packing my car and see how much will fit, then hit the rack. If during the 15 minutes I see him tomorrow there isn't some kind of epiphany/magic resolution... well, I'm not happy here. And I'm making him miserable... so what's the point of staying.
Touche Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I don't think he's NPD. It affects less than 1 percent of the population. Not saying he doesn't have big problems. I know he does. Just not sure it's that. You got that right. I told him that today. That he doesn't take responsibility for his actions, and he seems to find ways for me to change in order to "resolve" a problem. He said that wasn't true, that he doesn't tell me its my fault, or I have to fix it, he's just bringing up concerns he has. I got home, he wanted to talk. I mean, I do too. I hate leaving crap unresolved. But nothing got resolved. I feel really betrayed. Really hurt, you know. I just wanted him to acknowledge I had a right to feel that way and to be angry. But he says I twist everything he says around... that he wasn't saying what I took things to mean. I'm really beat and he left for the night... I'm going to start packing my car and see how much will fit, then hit the rack. If during the 15 minutes I see him tomorrow there isn't some kind of epiphany/magic resolution... well, I'm not happy here. And I'm making him miserable... so what's the point of staying. In the end, what's the damn difference? All of his "concerns" have to do somehow with YOU changing youself. Nothing to do with HIS part in any of it. And that's exactly why this will never work. Even with a couple this disfunctional, as you both are (no offense but you know it's true) there's hope if BOTH parties take responsibility for their part in its failure. What, if anything, does he own up to as far as contributing to the failure of this relationship? And Walk, for that matter, what do you yourself own up to as being contributing factors to the disfunction in this relationship?
Lishy Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 From my point of view he should take responsibility for the bad way he treats Walk and Walk should take responsibility for laying down and letting him wipe his feet on her! He sounds like he does have NPD Walk and you wont see this until you leave him and get with someone 'normal' and then it will all be clear! He wont let you leave - I guarantee it! And if you did leave anyway he will be on your case to go back as that is what Narcisstic people do! They have to have someone else to blame after all!
sb129 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 In the end, what's the damn difference? All of his "concerns" have to do somehow with YOU changing youself. Nothing to do with HIS part in any of it. Oh how familiar that sounds. Been there! Walk, NPD as anything, has a spectrum of severity. People can display NPD characteristics of varying severity. Your guy does. You won't have an "epiphany". Because HE is unwilling to accept any responsibility for his part in the R breakdown. The facts are there. His actions have spoken. Nothing he can say now will change that. Please stay strong honey and get this guy out of your life. He is poisonous.
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