Jmina Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 i love her she loves me i thought maybe she didnt love me enough to be in a couple.... but shes said that the love is very deep and very strong....many times...since we broke up im confused i know we cant be together, but why is it so hard for you...you want me forever but when your with me you feel that your worries are to big to take on? i know your not that happy now... but maybe its many other reasons..maybe your alot happier than when we were together... every time someone kisses me on the cheek i wish that it was you....every single time.. my love for you is eternal, my desire to be with you is the same. i feel that we will be together again... but i dont trust it... coz i dont want to be hurt again even though every day hurts to be without you my instincts say that one day we wil be together and happy my brain says dont be such a fool ...my heart just says i love you so much more than ever. i think about you all time i wish that you were here, all the time i know you do the same...you told me.... you go through what ifs...but still cant do it you say you love me so much but we cant be together at the moment,... im hoping that when i travel it will be so great that i wont hurt so much ...im afraid that it will not a day goes by without tears falling down my cheeks most days i tell myself that you will come back to me after your adventure overseas, because it feels right that you would... then i stop myself because i feel that you are too good to be true, and that this dream wont come true. is our love strong enough to bring us back together? ...i dont want anyone else... ...but i dont want to put my life on hold i dont want to end up with someone else and then want to leave them for you....but i would i dont want you to find that im doing good, and then think that i dont want you back, and never bring it up to me.... i cant come to you and say i want you back, because it has to be all from you... 100 percent you. you already know that i want you, so i shouldnt have to remind you this in 5 years down the track, it will be the same. as you said before, the love is very strong and very deep...what will make it fade? if we keep in contact as friends...it will always be there... if we dont, then its like taking on a huge loss...something that would make my heart ache for all eternity... and i know it would be the same for you.... you are a part of me....you are my soul mate. if we leave it for a few years and then become friends, we will be faced with this whole Issue all over again maybe you only need to be on your own for 6 months a year to figure yourself out..... your so confused ....i can wait 6 months a year...but not if your still confused...but the other options jsut arent good enough either ITS A LOOSE LOOSE SITUATION.. unless i do wait for you and my dreams come true... what are your dreams? do you want to be able to be with me? or are you wishing that you can let me go so you can be with someone else? i love you so much:love:
jedidriver Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I was just out in the garden this afternoon and saw a ladybird / ladybug. This was a pet name for my ex. I sat there and just watched it walking around thinking or all the good times I had with my ladybug. I wasn't cross, angry or upset and didn't want to squish it - just smiled thinking of all the good times we had together seemed like 10 mins but was probably just 20 seconds. Then it flew away and that didn't upset me too much either. It just made me realise I had something special but now its gone. Flew in spent some good times together and then flew out. I want to remeber the good times we had together fondly and not with any regrets, anger etc. Went in for a cup of tea (and a few tears) to think about it and write this. I am going back out in garden now to "move on" and carry on with what i was doing bye for now
Ormolu611 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I was just out in the garden this afternoon and saw a ladybird / ladybug. This was a pet name for my ex. I sat there and just watched it walking around thinking or all the good times I had with my ladybug. I wasn't cross, angry or upset and didn't want to squish it - just smiled thinking of all the good times we had together seemed like 10 mins but was probably just 20 seconds. Then it flew away and that didn't upset me too much either. It just made me realise I had something special but now its gone. Flew in spent some good times together and then flew out. I want to remeber the good times we had together fondly and not with any regrets, anger etc. Went in for a cup of tea (and a few tears) to think about it and write this. I am going back out in garden now to "move on" and carry on with what i was doing bye for now Cool story.
Ormolu611 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 ...i dont want anyone else... ...but i dont want to put my life on hold i dont want to end up with someone else and then want to leave them for you....but i would i dont want you to find that im doing good, and then think that i dont want you back, and never bring it up to me.... i cant come to you and say i want you back, because it has to be all from you... 100 percent you. you already know that i want you, so i shouldnt have to remind you Wow . . . . this is a very accurate expression of some of the thoughts that i have been having. Many of the same concerns . . . especially the part about not beng able to say that you want her back. You are right in that this has to be 100% from her. If you intervene in such a bold way, and maybe in not so bold of a way, you will "taint" or "pollute" her experience and she will likely eventually resent your "interference." At the same time, I often think and wonder if she thinks that my lack of contact or emotional display means that I am over her and not wanting to be with her. Catch 22 huh? Great expressive post! You are not alone cause I'm right there with you.
jedidriver Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I'm in that same boat on day 6 of no contact . I do think it is really helping me out. I would recommend it. I'm not even sure I would take her back even if she came crawling back - but i may feel different next week. If they are confused and want space then thats what you need to give them to have any chance and also to get over is yourself if she doesn't want you back. Ask yourself if youve split up something is not right. They did not want your company even though they still care about you very much. Dylan Moran ( famous irish comdiean said) They say they need space....... Funny how that space is always exactly the same size and shape as you. Really I've read through lots of forums and no contact is the only conclusion i an come to for getting back / moving on - Its the only way. I'm going through the same title "she split with me - i want her back", have a look post some advice etc
Author Jmina Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 i finally got the truth from her through a text and it goes like this "ok. i love u but i dont want to be your girlfriend. not now, not ever. if we were going to work we would have worked by now. im always going to have weak moments if we carry on like this because im sad and lonely and have to re evaluate my life. you will find someone else and ur stupid to think that you wont. so stop being a sad sack and get over me. because im only ever going to hurt you! not on purpose but because i dont have enough grip on myself. hows that sound?any better?" i replied with thankyou for finally telling the truth maybe now i have a chance to finally get over you and then i got the response of "ok good. well please stay the **** away from me so i can have the chance to get over you! were done. its over." that was last night... today i dont know how i feel.....i know its all i can think about and im not feeling happy...a bit shocked, bit depressed. angry..bit hurt.... the thing is i wasnt the only one to break contact, she did too...and i hardly contacted her...obviously it was too much. i just cant believe this whole nightmare ...flirting for about a year....a relationship for 10 months.... and it was all a lie. she lied to me for 10 months beacuse she was confused and fragile... whatever Jmina
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