Melissa277 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 If you're not already, start going to the gym. Lose weight if you have to. Update your hairstyle, wardrobe, etc. Take up a new activity or interest or two. Invite her to join you but don't make her participation the determinant as to whether or not YOU do it. This may all sound a bit counter-intuitive, but trust me -- it works. We all instinctively want what we can't have, and especially those things that everybody around us covets. And if you're looking good, projecting confidence, and clearly jazzed about YOUR life (read: not specifically your life WITH HER, but your life whether she's in it or not), not only will she be all the more interested and intrigued by you, but she will start to actively dread the prospect of losing you. That, if anything, will spur her into action. Yeah, I agree. My youngest daughter and her fiance broke up last year. (Big surprise, he was cheating.) But anyway, she has always been beautiful with a great body (I'm not just saying that b/c I'm her mom either.) We hadn't seen her in a couple of months as she lives three hours away, works, etc. Well when we saw her, we couldn't believe her body! It was amazing ... she was all toned and had a six-pack. She was tanned and had her hair a darker color. I barely recognized her and when I commented on her appearance and how great she looked, she said "Mom, one thing I've learned in the last few months ... when you get screwed over don't get mad, get FAB!
believinZ Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Pilgrim: First of all: you were 50% responsible for whatever state the marriage was in at the point at which she decided to cheat. However, she was 100% responsible for cheating. At any point she could have chosen to do the right thing and honour the vows she swore, and she chose to forsake them. Nobody had a gun to her head. Secondly: With respect to whether or not YOU should be trying to woo HER, I understand what you're saying about wanting to uphold your vows, even for the benefit of a spouse who chose to not show you that same respect. However, there are limits. By all means, as long as you're trying to fix the damage, stay faithful to her and do what you can to make staying in the marriage an appealing option for her. But, simultaneously, take care of YOURSELF. If you're like most of us betrayed spouses here, right now the idea of life without her is painful to contemplate. Maybe you even can't contemplate it. To whatever degree you're feeling that, however, one thing you need to subtly convey to your WW is the sense that, whatever happens to the marriage because of her actions, you're going to be okay. In fact, better than okay. Your life will thrive and flourish, even without her, and if she wants to be part of that, she'd better get her ass in gear. If you're not already, start going to the gym. Lose weight if you have to. Update your hairstyle, wardrobe, etc. Take up a new activity or interest or two. Invite her to join you but don't make her participation the determinant as to whether or not YOU do it. This may all sound a bit counter-intuitive, but trust me -- it works. We all instinctively want what we can't have, and especially those things that everybody around us covets. And if you're looking good, projecting confidence, and clearly jazzed about YOUR life (read: not specifically your life WITH HER, but your life whether she's in it or not), not only will she be all the more interested and intrigued by you, but she will start to actively dread the prospect of losing you. That, if anything, will spur her into action. You know this is really good advice... good read... thanks!
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