alasia Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I'm sure this is in the totally wrong section, but I have no idea where else to put it! I was only with my ex for about 5 months, he ended it in January. I'm now 7 months pregnant with his baby and long story short, he hates me - I mean, seriously; he's got me up in court for harassment next week (which hopefully will get thrown out as his 'harassment', just means he's happy to talk when he wants to, but anytime I try to mention the baby or he gets bored he'll call the police). Anyway...he's got three sons from previous relationships and when we were seeing each other, he told me quite a bit about them. They're spread around the country because he was living with his wife in Nottingham (I'm in the UK by the way) when he had Ben, now 21, then he and his wife divorced and my ex moved around 200 miles away to Eastbourne, had a baby called Sam with another lady in 1990 and then 2 years ago he had Ryan from a 'casual relationship' with a girl that lives around the corner from him. My ex has seen Ryan sporadically since he was born, and the topic of this other sons came up quite a few times when he and I were together. I asked if he'd want to see his sons and he said yes, particularly Ben (I guess because it's his eldest, he was married to the mother, stayed with her for 18 months after Ben was born, etc.) but he never tried to make contact, or said anything more than that about the subject. Now this is really complicated and sounds like some sort of bad soap opera, but I swear it's the truth - Ben has got in contact with me! I can't really remember the details, but I think when my ex and I were together and he said he'd like to see Ben but didn't really know how to get in touch, I went online and did a bit of digging around - just to see what we COULD come up with, if my ex wanted to. I remember finding Ben (or at least, a person who I think is Ben - right name, right age, registered the right year and in the correct county, the mum matches and lots more details that are way too coincidental for this person not to be THE Ben) and I think I emailed him, just a 'hi' kind of thing on Facebook - as far as I remember I didn't mention his dad, or who I was or anything (Ben's 21 and I'm only 24, so it would't arouse suspicion for him that I'd be contacting him randomly). As I said, Ben's replied - almost 6 months later and the guy finally emails me back to say hello! And it scared me to death - what do I do?! I can't really explain who I am ("hi, I'm your birth father's ex"...etc), I can't ask for any details to check it really is him ("out of interest, is your mum's name Sharon?") but at the same time, I don't think it would be right to just chat to him as a friend, would it? I'm torn between ignoring the email, and curiosity - I mean, what if my ex really WOULD want to meet his son? Ben must know about his dad, because my ex kept a letter that Ben wrote him when he was about 12, and on the genes reunited website (I admit, I've been doing a LOT of digging ever since this email arrived!), Ben lists himself as Ben Daley on the site (my ex's surname), yet in his profile he's registered as Ben Broughton - which is the surname his mother acquired when she remarried. So that would imply that Ben knows his mum's husband isn't his real father...etc. What if Ben's curious about his dad - I'd feel awful just sticking my head in the sand and ignoring Ben's email, just in in case he DOES want to get back in touch with my ex. But I also know this is a sensitive subject, and seeing as me and my ex aren't even on speaking terms anymore I don't think I've got the right to get involved. I'm sorry this is so jumbled and disjointed, this has really shaken me up and I'm literally typing whatever pops into my head! A little advice would be very much appreciated...
hagi990 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 In my view and i'm not saying it's the best to be honest it's best you leave all that well alone. You can't be sure he doesn't know his mum's husband is not his dad. Also, maybe Ben doesn't want to know his father. If you know your ex has been wanting to contact Ben then tell your Ex you have come across Ben on facebook and just wanted to let him know.
Recommended Posts