love necessity Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 My son is the most important thing in my life and even though I wish he would never see his dad again I also have to do what is right for my son! This being said, I think you know what to do. Do the right thing. Let him see his dad. However, since your ex is "ten cards short of a deck", seriously set up supervised visits. When he does get to spend time with his dad, let him do it on his own. I don't think you should be there, that way your son is able to build his own perspective of his father. But, def. make sure there is a third party, just in case coo-coo goes whacko for cocoa puffs. Hope you don't mind me asking this question. You said your son "hated" his father before this day. Is that called for? Your son was what, seven at the time of your divorce or split up? Was he even old enough to make that decision his own? Or do you talk bad about his dad? I know you went through some things with that man, but like you said, he was mentally unstable. Just because your ex had a problem "he couldn't help" doesn't label him as a bad person. Even you said that he was a great dad before all of this. I understand you not letting your son go around him while he was unstable, but like you said he is getting better now, so now that decision should be your sons. You should def. not be in the background saying what a horrible person his father is either, especially when you said he was great man before. I'm not saying that you are doing this, but when you said your son hated his father, that kind of gave me the impression that you were filling your sons head with bull crap. Most parents do this. But, it's not right. You shouldn't turn your son against his father just because you guys had issues..Just my thoughts
Author Lishy Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 Thanks for your feedback guys ... LOVE I need to stress that i have NEVER badmouthed his dad to my son .. EVER! However much he has hurt me I have never said he was bad and when my son talked bad about his dad I reminded him that even though things are hard right now he is still his dad and he loves you very much. I know many parents do this to their kids but I am so aware that it would just confuse my son more and also that it will just fall back on me in the future! There is an update ... I spoke to his dad today as he asked to take my son out to the park, I told him that it was against the injunction and that he would have to arrange supervised visits - He is against this and has told me that he would be happy just to speak to him and get updates on what he is doing until the trust has been built up. He sounded so calm and normal! He told me he did the things he did as he still loved me and couldnt get over the split up. He told me he is over me now and is very in love with his new girlfriend (which I am very pleased about) So we have agreed to phone contact only until the trust has been built up. Lets just see how this goes now.
Zona76 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Though it may be against your son's privacy I would tend to want to record the phone conversations. This is not considered supervised (in my opinion) You wont know if he's making the boy promise NOT to tell you something. Take care.
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