TiredOfConfusion Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I am in my early 20's and have known my "best friend" since pre-school. Through highschool we were pretty much inseperable and thought the world of each other. I basically worshipped her, thought we had a connection that I had not felt with another person, spent as much time as possible with each other. I knew she had her flaws (vain, self-centered, shallow) but at the time she was a fun person to be around and we got along well. Since then, in the past 3 or 4 years, our friendship has definitely changed. I found myself avoiding her as much as possible, I feel like her negative personality traits have only gotten stronger. We are no longer the people we were in high school and I feel like we have developed into two totally different worlds. I am more laid-back (yes a procrastinator, late a lot, cannot make plans until last minute) where she is much more organized and rigid. I respect her ability to plan things and make out schedules and keep a caldendar, but I also need her to understand that I am not like that. She seems to be having trouble accepting this part of me. In March, she finally called me out for avoiding her and my inability to return most of her phone calls. Since then I have made every effort to not only call her back but to be the first one to call. I try to invite her to do things as much as possible. Being the poor college student that I am, I don't have a lot of money, but I would invite her to come over and eat at my apartment or come swimming. Yet if this did not coincide with what she WANTED to do, it didn't happen. Not only that, but she was the one who wouldn't return my phone calls for 2-3 days at a time. Honestly, this doesn't bother me in itself, but the fact that it is so hypocritical and I could just see her fuming if/when I did the same thing to her. Last weekend she started a new job in the small town where we are from (home for summer from college). She asked me if could possibly stop by, and because I told her two nights in a row that I had already made plans, not to mention I didn't get off work both nights until 10PM, I was being a bad friend. She left some ugly messages along the lines of "get off your fat ass and do something" and then proceeded to drop the F-bomb a couple of times. She called a little while later and left an apologetic message, but I have not talked to her since. Ok, this has taken awhile. But I came here hoping for some objective advice outside of the friendship and small circle we come from. Does this friendship seem like it's worth saving? Most of my friends/family see this as the opportunity to cut off a draining friendship...but then again they are biased and have seen some of her worst behavior. On the other hand I do feel some guilt...I honestly don't want to hurt her and I do care about her. Am I being selfish or unfair? Am I just blinded because I am in the situation? I know her response would be that I am not a good friend if I would throw away such a long friendship...but what do you think? Any advice, comments, questions, etc. would be welcome and appreciated.
Poboy Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 make the decision listening to yourself rather than others. its easier to lay the blame on others i know but when it comes to family , friends situations... better make your own. i was in somewhat similar situation and couple of things which helped me make my decision. short term & long terms benifits of doing so ? will i regret it later ? am i better of with her/ without her? why do i get the feeling of guilt if i do decide to break it off ... is it temporary or going to last for a long time...
LillyPad11 Posted June 17, 2007 Posted June 17, 2007 If you really still do enjoy the time you spend together, and you feel like you're getting as much as you're putting into the friendship and it's emotionally fullfullling, then I wouldn't pull the plug. If it's an emotional rollar coaster and a drain, then pull the plug. People change and not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime.
Recommended Posts