Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I've asked my husband if clothes are too tight, what he thinks of my hair etc, some of the responses (admitting sometimes forced out of him) have been I'm load-testing the shirt, the clothes I'm wearing make me look like I have a bit of a belly, that if I'm bothered by my body I should do something about it and that my hair (which he'd loved after I came home from the hairdressers) made me look like a succer mum (obviously something got lost in translation when I styled it! lol). Like I said before, I may not have loved these answers as they were not the most complimentary in the world BUT when he asked if I'd prefer him to lie, I told him I may not appreciate the answer but I appreciate truth, don't lie. I'm teasing Phoebe. I never ask my men any of those questions because I've yet to date or be in a relationship with a guy who knows my body better than I do, at least from a fashion, clothing perspective. After all, I have to look at myself daily, in the mirror. If I'm uncertain about how something looks on me, I don't even bother buying it.
cuteblondegurl Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I use to take offense when men would tell me that I have a nice hourglass figure, very shapely. I use to interpret that as being fat until my brother knocked some sense into me. Told me that's not what it meant. He said men like slim/ fit women with nice curves not sticks.
Phoebe Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I'm teasing Phoebe. I never ask my men any of those questions because I've yet to date or be in a relationship with a guy who knows my body better than I do, at least from a fashion, clothing perspective. After all, I have to look at myself daily, in the mirror. If I'm uncertain about how something looks on me, I don't even bother buying it. Sorry I've been told before that I take things too seriously.
IWalkAlone Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Let me tell you a secret... Most women are too insecure to judge for themselves what looks good or not. So they let the fashion industry do that for them. That is why what is "fashionable" in women's clothes has little to do with women like and a lot more to do with what a cabal of clothing designers and department store buyers in New York and Paris decided previous year decide what will be fashionable. It is often said that men determine this. More accurately, it is often gay men. The fashion industry is dominated by gay men who are into thin effiminate men, so they insist that their models look like effiminate boys. This is why the average heterosexual men find top tier fashion models to be too skinny for their tastes. And woman with hourglass figures - big boobs and round hips and butt - are taught by the fashion industry to view themselves as fat, even though men like their bodies better. Does anyone think Lindsey Lohan is more attractive now than three years ago? Does anyone really think Paris Hilton has a sexier body than Anna Nocole Smith when she was doing the Guess ads?
sb129 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Dang, I know I look good! I am not thin, I have curves in the right places and am a size 8 on the bottom and a 6 on the top. (US size) No insecurity here! Wonderboy thinks I am hot...... no arrogance, just totally happy with my lot. I use the fashion industry as a guide only. I know what things suit my figure, and even when hotpants are the next "big thing" there is NO WAY I will be buying them. I buy what suits me. And if I like it I will wear it do death, even into the next season When I want to buy new clothes, (as most women do) whats "fashionable" is all that you can buy unless you go vintage (which I do sometimes). Whats "fashionable" HAS to be adapted to the average woman, otherwise nobody would buy anything.
directx Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 What irks me most about this event was the girl should be keeping her damn hands to herself. If she didn't like what you said, she should communicate verbally and not physically. Slapping like that should be done in the bedroom where it belongs. Now, about the offending. You were honest and paid the price. But with strangers, which you both were, you have to be 'ugh' politically correct as possible, or should I say 'neutral'. In otherwords you cant be your full self because she doesn't know you yet. (but finding a girl that appreciates honesty is a rare gem to be found) But she was out of line. Was there a communication problem because she was Vietnamese? Was she from Vietnam? Could be a culture barrier.
nicki Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Women ARE very sensitive about their figures. Even if it seems obvious to you guys that we are smokin' hot in that department! I agree with the whole "don't comment on a woman's figure." At least until you are in a relationship with them. Then compliment away, but be sure that's not ALL you compliment or we will think that you only want us for sex. We want to hear that we have great ideas, a great sense of style, are compassionate and joyful, etc...oh, and great cooks, intuitive and brilliant, amazingly capable, etc....AND have a great a$$ and a sex goddess:p Basically, all around worshipped and admired . If a guy (innocently or not so innocently) commented on my figure within half an hour, I'd be turned off. Now, if he smiled and checked me out when he thought I wasn't looking, well, then I'd get the message he liked what he saw. It's tricky for you guys. Just be subtle at first. Later, when we are yours, you can be more obvious or graphic with your physical comments. And, of course we never look "fat" in anything. If you have, too, blame it on the clothes. As in, "I don't think that shirt/pair of pants/dress is cut right. It doesn't show your figure off as well as your other better made clothes." Really, the only answer to the whole fat question is "You've got to be kidding me. You have the best a$$ in the world. Now take those pants off and let me have it now!" And, while I"m at it, never say a woman looks *sigh* "fine." (translated: "You look OK, I suppose.") Instead, really look at her and enthusiastically say she looks "amazing, gorgeous, f#ckable, whatever...." You know, respond how you would want US to if you asked us if your d*ck is too small....*sigh* "It's fine." :laugh:
a4a Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Any man that says I am hot in any form during the initial meet and greet phase automatically loses 110 potential date points..... there are only 100 available points..... I don't need a man to tell me that he approves of how I look. Nor a man telling me he likes my hair, or clothing.... or even worse my shoes. My Gaydar goes off if he states any of these things. Now if he says I have a nice house, truck, or my horse is superb..... dateable material.
nicki Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 By the way, the best compliment I ever heard was when a man said that the way I moved was beautiful and graceful. And that he loved just watching me. Wow! I loved that.
luvmy2ns Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 What a missed opportunity....busty Asian women aren't exactly a dime a dozen ;-) I don't care who you're talking to. This positively SCREAMS the words, "I just want to "do" her." I think the gal was very insightful.
nicki Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Yeah, a4a, by complimenting you on your truck, house or horse he is saying that you have great TASTE and make good decisions!
alphamale Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Now if he says I have a nice house, truck, or my horse is superb..... dateable material. and if he mentions your large bank acct then you'll marry him on the spot?
a4a Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 By the way, the best compliment I ever heard was when a man said that the way I moved was beautiful and graceful. And that he loved just watching me. Wow! I loved that. Was he peeking in your window when he said this? Now honestly if a man stated I had a hour glass figure.... which I do but not a "full" one..... I think I would start making comments about his looks right back. My you certainly have a nice full eyebrow Oh are those elastic waist band pants? My how comfortable they look. (buffet pants) Wow you certainly seem fit for a man of your age.
a4a Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 and if he mentions your large bank acct then you'll marry him on the spot? F--- no! Not looking and never had an interest in any guy with BS statements. Of course if he wants to show me his B-Acct (s). I will maybe show him mine.
nicki Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 a4a, I'm laughing so hard! I love your comments back to him..:laugh: "Buffet pants!" And, no, the guy wasn't looking in my window. He saw me in a dance class. Later, we went out for lunch, and he told me I was graceful in everything I did, even how I ate....silly, I know, but it made me feel noticed in a very specific and special way....
Mustang Sally Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Ok, I have certainly been accused of not being able to take a compliment in the past, but I have to tell you if a guy compliments me on anything physical, then I think he is full of sh*t. Not that I am horrible looking or anything, just that it is so...trite. Seems ungenuine to me. For me, it is a rare situation in which a physical compliment comes across as off-the-cuff, or sincere. Just one woman's opinion.
directx Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I have a hard time taking compliments as well, but you have to consider the source of where they are coming from. Is it a bar where a guy/girl is trying to get lucky? Beer goggles may be at work there. However, if someone sees you or your pic and give you a compliment by asking nothing in return, id take it at face value. Not all guys, including myself, see beauty in a cookie cutter models face. I like unique features all the way. There is a good secret way to give a compliment, but that I dont use anymore.
stace79 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 Why couldn't you just say you thought she was beautiful or very pretty or gorgeous? There are tons of adjectives that let a woman know you find her attractive that don't specifically address only our bodies. If a guy is addressing my body the first night I talk to him, he's almost automatically characterized as a womanizer just looking to get me in bed...
Carbine Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I agree with your buddies - it's a topic that's completely off-limits. At least until you're in a relationship with the person for a good long time and/or SHE invites you to comment by asking your opinion. If she was sensitive about her figure then it doesn't help by feeling that you were focussing in on that and judging her. Seriously, what on earth were you thinking? Women are highly conscious of their looks and many, like me are extremely preoccupied with their bodies and how they compare to other women and how 'attractive' they are to others. We worry enough about this without having to deal with ambiguous comments from strangers. I say 'ambiguous' because, unless someone actually states "You're fat" or "You're thin" i'm left to make assumptions for myself and I always assume the worst. I'm so obsessed with how my body compares that no matter what someone says I'll always manage to see it as an insult. For example, if someone says I've got hot legs I'll think 'You mean in comparison to the rest of me?"
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