stan_82 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a nice, full hourglass figure. I thought she would take it as a compliment. Instead, she became deeply offended. She snapped, "Oh really....well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!", and then gave me a stinging slap on the cheek and walked away. She had the classic figure of a 50's pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted "hourglass" as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned. Also, I'm wondering if she may have been hypersensitive about her figure to begin with. She was Vietnamese (born and raised in U.S.), and most women of that ethnic background tend to be petite. She may have always felt awkward about being so voluptuous. My buddies had watched the scene unfold and were laughing hysterically. When I told them what I had said they shook their heads and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman's figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What are your thoughts on this?
Requiem Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Well, apparently she misunderstood you or she dose not think that great of herself apperance wise. From what you said it sounded like she took it as you actually calling her fat... Which for most females can be done very easily. You cannot really win at this game unless you know the person well enough to know what to say exactly and everything. I was never really into the whole figure thing so I never commented on apperances for a while till it was needed as cumfort. But still when a girl says shes fat, you cannot win no matter what, if you say shes not then your a liar... if you say she is... well you know what happens then.
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Just my opinion but I learned a long time ago that you never ever mention a girls figure.. If you objectify a woman it is a turn off for her and makes her feel cheap Next time use flattery about her personality instead of making comments about her body.. Save the body comments for later
norajane Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 full That's your problem. Nice hourglass figure. Nice, full, hourglass figure. See the difference? You basically told her she was fat. Full figured is what people say when they mean fat. But you shouldn't have been commenting on her figure anyway. It's inappropriate. You compliment things like eyes and her smile, even hair. But it's far too soon upon first meeting to talk about her figure.
alphamale Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 yes ART gives good advice (cause hes so smart).... compliment her on her clothes and brains and humour and shoes. but don't talk about her boobies or body type. once you hook up with her you'll have plenty of time to make fun of her body parts.
Art_Critic Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 yes ART gives good advice (cause hes so smart).... compliment her on her clothes and brains and humour and shoes. but don't talk about her boobies or body type. once you hook up with her you'll have plenty of time to make fun of her body parts. Had a few pops tonight? I have to agree that going for the easy compliments like clothes, perfume or hair and shoes are no brainers and safe.. All women like to be told how nice they look in that outfit .. but you can't say something like " damn you're effing hot in that skirt " while looking at her chest.. I like to think the worst thing a guy can do when he chats up a girl is not look into her eyes while speaking and then speak to her chest.. Their radar is set to look for all the body stuff to filter out the guys looking to just score
Author stan_82 Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 <<I like to think the worst thing a guy can do when he chats up a girl is not look into her eyes while speaking and then speak to her chest.. Their radar is set to look for all the body stuff to filter out the guys looking to just score>> I must confess that I couldn't control my wandering eyes, so that probably led her to believe I was looking at her like a sexual object. When you couple that with the fat connotation, that's quite a double whammy.
alphamale Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I must confess that I couldn't control my wandering eyes, so that probably led her to believe I was looking at her like a sexual object. thats ok when you've known her for a while but not for someone you just met.
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Oh man you screwed up badly. I have a guy at work that always tells me that I have nice womanly hourglass figure and that's so much hotter than those girls that starve themslves. I only hear: you are FAT! Another guy at a party told me how i have nice face and eyes. Again, all I heard was: too bad you are FAT! I actually find it uncomfortable when men I have just met comment on my appeareance in any way. Unless it's too say nice dress or nice shoes. Oh some guy told me once: you have great sense of style. Now that was a winner!
Ariadne Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Hey, She's an idiot. Good thing you got rid of her. I love to have men compliment my figure, one guy I barely knew approached me at the gym and said, you have a very sexy body, a very womanly figure, nice. I was thrilled, whoohoo... Ariadne
Author stan_82 Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 <<Oh man you screwed up badly.>> That's putting it mildly. What a missed opportunity....busty Asian women aren't exactly a dime a dozen ;-) The slap didn't hurt that badly but it made a fairly loud noise that did not go unnoticed. Add to that the sound of her high heels hitting the hard wood floor of the art gallery, as she walked off in a huff. It completely ruined my chances with the other women there who probably thought I was some sort of cad. In fact, I got some dirty looks from a few ladies. Needless to say, this was not my proudest moment, LOL.
sb129 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Your intentions were good, but you should have stayed away from the body comments like the others said, just to be on the safe side. That said, she over-reacted. As Ariadne said, what an idiot. To react like that is totally out of order. Imagine if a guy had slapped a woman- he would be banged up so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. Women like that give us a bad name and perpetuate the double standards. Just imagine if you had got together and you had a proper argument. You could have ended up in hospital if shes that violent!
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 While a slap is an over-reaction, stay away from the too personal comments when you first meet someone. In discussing the physical, it's blatantly obvious that you're focused in a certain direction. Add the too intimate comment to wandering eyes, facial expression and as AC mentioned, it can feel like you're being objectified.
sb129 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I missed the bit about the wandering eyes. You packed quite alot into that 30 minutes huh!!! I still think she over reacted, a slap is not justified, but to be honest if you had said the same thing to me after 30mins and had wandering eyes I would have been wanting an escape route too.
Reckless Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Okay, it's been said but worth repeating: There are three things to never, ever, EVER make any kind of illustion to, to a woman (EVER, even after 60 years of marriage). These three things are: 1) a woman's weight 2) a woman's weight 3) a woman's weitht You said "full" so maybe it would be worth translating man-speak into woman-speak man-speak "full" = round/soft ; woman-speak = "fat" for the record: childbearing hips = fat you look healthy = you look fat You know, you have a great personality! = you look fat You remind me of my sister = you look fat and I would never dream of having sex with you hello = you look fat (just kidding) non 'fat' early conversation deal breakers: man-speak "hour glass" = sexy/attractive; woman-speak = "will you have sex with me?" (yes, two male-speak words equals an average of 147 words in woman-speak)* *Once in a relationship you may say the above; it will be translated in exactly the same way but by this stage the answer will probably be 'yeah' (you can even say 'I like your tits and you're arse is sensational; she'll huff and puff but love it..) [/i]. you smell great = will you have sex with me? I like your hair = will you have sex with me? That's a great dress = will you have sex with me? great shoes = will you have sex with me and by the way I like your shoes! R PS: The answer to "does my arse look fat in these jeans?" is ALWAYS 'no'. You loose major points if the 'no' is not emphatic and of course you are setting yourself up for singledom if you actually look at her to check. Note about additions: Do not make additional comments to your emphatic "no", any additions nullify the original reply; thus : No, you look gorgeous = yes, but I like it. No, you look fine = yes, but I'll put up with it. No, not really = yes, kinda. a note about pronunciation: don't say 'nah' man-speak 'nah' = no ; woman speak = I am not taking you seriously and by the way yes, you do look kinda fat in those jeans. Hope this helps. Reckless
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Hahaha...I agree. To add a little something: PS: The answer to "does my arse look fat in these jeans?" is ALWAYS 'no'. You loose major points if the 'no' is not emphatic and of course you are setting yourself up for singledom if you actually look at her to check. It's all in the delivery. A girl will not ask a man she doesn't know well, if her arse looks fat in these jeans. With that assumption in mind, here's a tip. If you two are in an intimate relationship and she asks this question, all you have to do is give her one of those looks, from head to toe, lingering on the area referenced. Then, get up off your own arse which is probably parked in front of the big screen TV and get really, really close to her. You guys can figure out what comes next. Take it as far as you both have time for...
monkey00 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 You've gotta be sensitive about this stuff when it comes to compliments. It's not what you say, but how you say it. Instead of complimenting her on her physical beauty (or her disillusion that it was an insult), a simple 'you look absolutely stunning/georgous" would have sufficed.
alphamale Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 man i remember I was at this dinner party and this sort of homely and fat woman was hitting on me over and over and it was annoying me. it was hard to blow her off cause she was seated next to me and no one could move. finally I had had enough and I made some off handed comment about whatever she'd been doing in the dating world hadn't worked cause she was still single. she started crying in front of everyone. i just took a huge swig of my jack daniels on the rocks.
sb129 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 That was mean and cruel. At least the OP had relatively good intentions. You went in for the kill. She is probably still hurting over that. Karma will come back to get you tho.
Phoebe Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Hahaha...I agree. To add a little something: It's all in the delivery. A girl will not ask a man she doesn't know well, if her arse looks fat in these jeans. With that assumption in mind, here's a tip. If you two are in an intimate relationship and she asks this question, all you have to do is give her one of those looks, from head to toe, lingering on the area referenced. Then, get up off your own arse which is probably parked in front of the big screen TV and get really, really close to her. You guys can figure out what comes next. Take it as far as you both have time for... I agree that it's all in the delivery. If I ask for someone's opinion then I appreciate an honest answer, but that's not to say that it has to be brutal. I may not always like the answer but I appreciate the fact that someone has enough respect for me to tell me the truth. It also builds trust.
Trialbyfire Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I agree that it's all in the delivery. If I ask for someone's opinion then I appreciate an honest answer, but that's not to say that it has to be brutal. I may not always like the answer but I appreciate the fact that someone has enough respect for me to tell me the truth. It also builds trust. Admit it. It's the age old male trap question. If your b/f or SO tells you that you do look terrible in those jeans, what would your reaction be? Wouldn't he be spending the rest of his life with Rosy to the Right and Leslie to the Left?
Phoebe Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Admit it. It's the age old male trap question. If your b/f or SO tells you that you do look terrible in those jeans, what would your reaction be? Wouldn't he be spending the rest of his life with Rosy to the Right and Leslie to the Left? I've asked my husband if clothes are too tight, what he thinks of my hair etc, some of the responses (admitting sometimes forced out of him) have been I'm load-testing the shirt, the clothes I'm wearing make me look like I have a bit of a belly, that if I'm bothered by my body I should do something about it and that my hair (which he'd loved after I came home from the hairdressers) made me look like a succer mum (obviously something got lost in translation when I styled it! lol). Like I said before, I may not have loved these answers as they were not the most complimentary in the world BUT when he asked if I'd prefer him to lie, I told him I may not appreciate the answer but I appreciate truth, don't lie.
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