chocolate_boy Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 hi my girlfriend got diagnosed with border-line-personality recently, it fits a lot of the symptoms. We moved to a new city recently, we've always worked in media which is a fast moving career, but here she hasn't really got much in the way of it, so she's started waitressing. Now where we lived before i had a lot of friends and she had none, so i'd always make a huge effort to accomodate her, as she has bpd she'd get very clingy, and everytime i went out with the boys i brought her along or i'd cut my night short when she rang me and text me over and over asking me to come home, literally i'd go out for a beer at 9 and by 11 she'd be calling me over and over crying. Not healthy I suppose, but I always went home for her. We have lived together for 8 months now, we moved far away to new city as I had work, and she nicely came with me. Thing is here, she has a waitressing job which has given her a few friends for the first time in her life, thing is I have been completely ditched now. She has worked there for 4 weeks and is going out with her workmates around 5 nights a week now, sometimes til 5 or 6 in the morning, her friends make her turn her phone off, she ignores me all night when she's out. I'm not used to her being like this, and have nothing against her having friends, but we haven't had an evening together now in over 4 weeks, I get up see her for an hour in the morning, and that is about the only interaction we have. On saturday i had planned to cook her a nice meal, got a romantic dvd out and body oil for a massage etc.. then she calls me after work and says she's going out, she was out the night before and the one before that, so I got pissed and told her to come back, but she kept saying she'd be back soon.. and eventually stumbled in wasted at 5am. It get's worse, she cheated on me with one of her workmates, she went out with one guy she works with and drunkenly kissed him, she told me and got really heartbroken and cried her eyes out and apologised, promising me it would never happpen again, then sure enough 2 nights later she cheated with him again... I told her we had to break up and I deserve better than this. She begged me not to and said she'd change and she does love me. I asked her to not go out for a while and to seek some professional help, she said she would, but then next night she's out again, and the night after and the night after... and tonight she was meant to come home so we could have a few hours together, but she's stood me up again, and is out with this guy I suspect. I think she's also getting into taking pills as these guys all do and she's said she wants to. To be honest, it has killed the relationship for me, I cannot trust her, I'm paranoid all the time, we don't have sex at all now, I am also really bored in this relationship at the moment. She told me she'd get help and I said i'd stay with her and try and help her cure her bpd (its the first time she's admitted she has it and wanted to change)... now i feel i should stay with her and give her a chance, but she just continually makes me feel like ****. I have no friends in this new city, so our roles have reversed a bit, I often think maybe I need her to much here, just to avoid being lonely and completely on my own. I just don't like what she's turned into and I just feel like i'm here to pay for her stuff and as a fall back when she has nothing better to do, i've told her so many times but it keeps happening, the cheating, the staying out all night and cancelling our plans. We've just had a big fight and she's told me she can't live in a little box and she's never had friends before and wants to be out with them. I said if she wants this lifestyle that's fair enough but she should be single. I just don't know what to do, we both have a joint tenancy on our apartment, and i don't have anywhere else to move.. how do u end it when u live so far away from home and in a new city and live together? Its so hard but i feel this relationship is over i've even started sleeping on the sofa last few nights, not that she notices when she stumbles in drunk at 6am and collapses.
norajane Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I said if she wants this lifestyle that's fair enough but she should be single. Well, that's the bottom line. And it appears she doesn't care that you told her that since she hasn't even tried to do anything differently. Start looking for a new apartment. She'll find someone to move in with her...one of those new friends of hers or friends of those friends of hers.
deathpixievioletmark Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 i have had bpd for many years now, and work through it day by day, with medication and counselling. i have great sympathy for you, and your situation. although i can relate to what your girlfriend is doing, i know that the best thing for you, and ultimately for her, is for you too look out for yourself. people with bpd have a way of sucking in 'enablers', and keeping them with the 'i hate you, don't leave me' trap. although it's a chemical imbalance that causes the 'bad behavior', it's still bad behavior, and cannot be tolerated. some of her reckless behavior may be an attempt to 'dare' you to leave, and some is just part of the manifestation of the bpd. it's my understanding (and personal experience) that bpd can't really be 'cured'. with medication and counselling, it can be curbed considerably, and sometimes in one's forties and fifties, just fades away on it's own, but until then, it's always present. good luck with things. let me know if you'd like to talk more about bpd. take care, danica
ConfusedButLoved Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Wow Death covered everything I was thinking about posting while reading the OP. That pretty much covers it. Just wanted to chime in with the others and say yea... its time for a move! Not much left to do there it seems. Good luck to you!
burning 4 revenge Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I told you! Just call me Dr. Burning 4 Revenge
burning 4 revenge Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 i have had bpd for many years now, and work through it day by day, with medication and counselling. i have great sympathy for you, and your situation. although i can relate to what your girlfriend is doing, i know that the best thing for you, and ultimately for her, is for you too look out for yourself. people with bpd have a way of sucking in 'enablers', and keeping them with the 'i hate you, don't leave me' trap. although it's a chemical imbalance that causes the 'bad behavior', it's still bad behavior, and cannot be tolerated. some of her reckless behavior may be an attempt to 'dare' you to leave, and some is just part of the manifestation of the bpd. it's my understanding (and personal experience) that bpd can't really be 'cured'. with medication and counselling, it can be curbed considerably, and sometimes in one's forties and fifties, just fades away on it's own, but until then, it's always present. good luck with things. let me know if you'd like to talk more about bpd. take care, danica you people are sick
pelagicsands Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I told you! Just call me Dr. Burning 4 Revenge That was an amazing online diagnosis - I can't believe I was there when it happened. You are a talent beyond compare.
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