littlebopeep Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Its been 10 months since my ex dumped me after 4.5 years and have to say im doing fine now.There was nothing major that caused our relationship to break up and to me it all came unexpectedly after he had to go away for a year. The thing that really saddened me in the breakup was that it seems as if we were never together and strangers.All the intimacy and love we shared seemed as if it never happened. Is it a normal thing for people to react like this after a breakup?I can imagine people whos relationships ended badly acting that way but have been quite sad to see that its quite common.What do other people think?
norajane Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 The thing that really saddened me in the breakup was that it seems as if we were never together and strangers.All the intimacy and love we shared seemed as if it never happened. I'm not sure I know what you mean. It did happen, you have your shared memories. And somewhere in your head, your past together will always be there. Do you mean that you are strangers in that you never see each other anymore? Yes, that is common and normal. Or when you do, you interact as though you were never intimate for so long? That is often normal, too, although, as I said, you always know what you meant to each other at one time. Compare it to friendships. There were people in your life that were your very, very close friends, but are not now. It's not much different with lovers, except for the sexual attraction component.
oppath Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I think she is implying if the breakup felt sudden, unexpected, or like the relationship had not yet run its course, it can feel like it was all a lie, like it wasn't real, like it didn't really mean anything. Well, few people would be with someone if it meant something, and just because it no longer means as much to them one moment does not mean it didn't mean the world to them earlier. I do get that feeling in some "medium" relationships, the 5 or 6 monthers, a feeling that I was cheated or stolen from. Most of this is in my head of course, no woman would be with a guy that long unless there was strong interest at some point (ok, most women wouldn't, some would). I think this feeling is normal for a non-mutual breakup, but there is not much rational basis for it. I'm trying to challenge my own lingering anger towards my last breakup and recognize that YES, she did care about me, it wasn't all a lie, and it wasn't all about sex (which is how I felt when she, the dumper asked if I wanted to be FWB < 2 weeks later). Feelings were there at one point. That means someone can feel for me and someone will again.
Recommended Posts