Italiana Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I want his wife to know What is wrong with me?!!?!?!? I feel so addicted to him and to his love! He's perfect! he's an illusionist! i know this but i cannot change my situation! i'm hoping my head is getting in the way of my heart. we should always follow our hearts.?? On the other hand i dont know what is telling me what I cannot stop reading all the differnt posts and threads on this site! It makes me feel so many differnt emotions. Sometimes i want to be with him forever and sometimes i feel like i will never be able to be with him! sometimes i feel i'd be better of alone He was staring at me with this sad look on his face last night and said "will you ever hurt me"? " Please dont ever hurt me" WHy would he say this>!> SHouldn't i be the one who is worried about him hurting me?? I'm not though...if he does hurt me then i will learn from this. People can tell you till they are blue in the face that something is wrong and not to do it but we will never listen. never. why. because then we will never truly learn. these horrible events and circumstances come into our life in order to teach each one of us a unique lesson .. it is what we do with that lesson that determines if it keeps coming back for more Time goes by so slowly.
NearlyThere Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I want his wife to know What is wrong with me?!!?!?!? I feel so addicted to him and to his love! He's perfect! he's an illusionist! i know this but i cannot change my situation! i'm hoping my head is getting in the way of my heart. we should always follow our hearts.?? On the other hand i dont know what is telling me what I cannot stop reading all the differnt posts and threads on this site! It makes me feel so many differnt emotions. Sometimes i want to be with him forever and sometimes i feel like i will never be able to be with him! sometimes i feel i'd be better of alone He was staring at me with this sad look on his face last night and said "will you ever hurt me"? " Please dont ever hurt me" WHy would he say this>!> SHouldn't i be the one who is worried about him hurting me?? I'm not though...if he does hurt me then i will learn from this. People can tell you till they are blue in the face that something is wrong and not to do it but we will never listen. never. why. because then we will never truly learn. these horrible events and circumstances come into our life in order to teach each one of us a unique lesson .. it is what we do with that lesson that determines if it keeps coming back for more Time goes by so slowly. If you have read the site a lot you will know the tell or not to tell the W is split into 2 camps. I have a feeling you would not be telling for the right reasons though, so best to leave alone. However telling would force the issue but be prepared for ALL the possible outcomes that would probably not go in your favour. As to his comment ""will you ever hurt me"? " Please dont ever hurt me" - with my cynical glasses on, he is maniuplating you because he thinks you are pulling away from him and questioning him, (am I spending too much time on LS?). All I can tell you for sure is, it will not get easier, you will get more confused the more you try and analyse his every move. Head and Heart being out of sync is very difficult and until you get them together you will be in this continual state of flux, a very kind BS on here told me that and how true it is. Take care of yourself, keep yourself occupied, dont keep your life on hold waiting for him. NT
silktricks Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I want his wife to know Then tell her, she certainly has a right to know. (but make sure you duck)
sadbuttrue Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 i think that thought-to tell or not to tell-has crossed most OW's minds. i know it has mine. i would advise waiting though. dont make any rash decisions. if you want to keep him, then telling is not your best bet. i totally understand the wanting to be with MM forever and at the same time wishing it would end because you know you would be better off. i think that is why i wanted to tell, i thought it would end it and i might be able to get out. the dont hurt me part does sound manipulative. he wants to make sure you will be there for him always, even though he can make no such promises to you. good luck
norajane Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 the dont hurt me part does sound manipulative. he wants to make sure you will be there for him always, even though he can make no such promises to you. It's extremely manipulative, since he's been living with Italiana for the last three months. After he told his wife (the mother of his child) in a text message that he wasn't coming home and was staying with a guy friend. He can make those promises to Italiana. Trouble is, he won't. And even if he did, his promises wouldn't be worth even the price of a text message.
sadbuttrue Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 i didnt realize he was living with italiana. any MM CAN make promises to the OW, but you are right, chances are they wont, and if they do, they dont really mean them. ahhh.....the life of the OW
Author Italiana Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 Thanks so much everyone for your replies.... its funny how so much can change in a weekend. friday i was stressing about wanting his wife to know and saturday he comes home and tells me that she knows... one of his ex-employees told her about us...not everything he told her was truthful but she called up my MM flipping out (understandibly so) its funny how sometimes you get what you ask for. He said he felt relieved and happy that she found out... that it was finally out in the open. she said she is filing for divorce. They have been fighting on the phone all weekend. she wants to find me. and probably to kick my ass. i really dont want to talk to her and i feel like anything i say would only make matters worse in her heart. she needs to find peace within herself and with MM not me. i really dont want her to find me. she does not know where i work, where i live or my last name. even what i look like so i dont see how she would find anyway to contact me.. i've expressed to MM that i want nothing to do with her and i really really dont want to talk to her at this point. i really dont see how this would make the situation any better... am i wrong? One small loop in the situation... her parents are moving into the same apartment building that MM and I live in... this week. I'm guessing its only a matter of time before the s*it really hits the fan. I dont want her to hate me... but i have a feeling this is impossible. Is there anything i can do (besides leave him) that can make this situation any better?? i guess time heals all wounds. I have a feeling his family is going to hate me too. is this the life of an OW? I dont want to have a relationship with anyone else but him. he says his family will accept his situation and that they knew he was unhappy long before i came in the picture... but i know from experience that my grandmother and aunts never accepted my stepmother (who was my father s OW) It will be a long while before i feel comfortable about anyone in his family knowing about me. i especially dont want his daughter to hate me. I know that my stepmother was very very differnt from my mother. My mom is very simple and down to earth. my stepmom is more showy and materialistic (for lack of a better word) I love my step mom but i dont think coming into my family showing that side of her so early and easily was a good idea. she needed to be more humble and realize that they might have thought she was going after my fathers money. obviously i still have a lot of issues about my parents divorce but i'm working through them it is just ironic that i find myself in this situation. it s funny becuse i talk to my parents and stepmom about it all the time. They give me a lot of opinions and advice about marraige divorce and affairs... as do u all here on LS Thanks for listening:)
norajane Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 one of his ex-employees told her about us...not everything he told her was truthful but she called up my MM flipping out (understandibly so) its funny how sometimes you get what you ask for. He said he felt relieved and happy that she found out... that it was finally out in the open. she said she is filing for divorce. It's too bad he didn't have the balls to be honest and tell her himself. I'm sure it's much worse for her to have found out from someone else. And will probably make her angrier and more contentious in the divorce, as well as maybe being more adversarial afterwards as they deal with their daughter post-divorce. i really dont want her to find me. she does not know where i work, where i live or my last name. even what i look like so i dont see how she would find anyway to contact me. One small loop in the situation... her parents are moving into the same apartment building that MM and I live in... this week. I'm guessing its only a matter of time before the s*it really hits the fan.Uh, yeah, odds are she's not going to have too much trouble finding you. Her parents just have to see him and you together in the lobby or parking lot. Not to mention she could just follow (or have him followed) home from work one night. Or follow him home after he visits their child. Be prepared for a confrontation. I dont want her to hate me... but i have a feeling this is impossible. Is there anything i can do (besides leave him) that can make this situation any better?? i guess time heals all wounds. it is just ironic that i find myself in this situation. it s funny becuse i talk to my parents and stepmom about it all the time. They give me a lot of opinions and advice about marraige divorce and affairs... as do u all here on LS Thanks for listening:)I don't think there's much you can do about how his wife and his family feel about you at this point. They're going to react how they react. Keep in mind, though, that you aren't married to him, and who knows when that might happen, if it happens. You really need to be evaluating if this is the kind of man you want to tie yourself to - a man who abandons his wife via text message, who runs to another woman when he's tired of being married and doesn't have the courage and integrity to face his problems himself, a man who is forcing you to take on the problems he created. Consider if you're going to be in his wife's shoes in a couple of years with a baby of your own, and a text message saying he's not coming home... He loved his wife when he married her just as much as he loves you now, and yet they ended up this way... I'm just saying, just because you started down this path, doesn't mean you have to keep going that way.
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