jedidriver Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Hi All, Thought i'd start a thread to dicuss my recent breakup, this website is fantastic support for me any everyone in here seems so genuine. My girl of 7 years recently fininshed with me (2 weeks ago). Since then I have been in a shaken state visiting this site for support. I am 30, she 28. We met in her final year at uni, we spent two / three happy years together, then we bought a house togeher which turned into a bit of a nightmare as it needed a lot of work - this caused plenty of tension between us. All this happened in the same city we both went to uni together in. As time went on I lost contact with alot of my friends / moved away, same for her. It basically ended up just me and her together most of the time with occasional visits away. But rarely because we (I) was working on the house whilst she did a part time job. This house was always an investment, just to get on the property ladder and we had always planned to rent / sell it During this time she was training to be a teacher whilst working part time. Anyway after she finished her training couldn't get a job. She applied for quite a few in the place we were living in but was unsucessful. She tried for a job in the place she came from originally (which is a longish way away - 2 hour car drive + 4 hour boat trip , got it and accepted it after dicussing it with me first. I was happish with this as I didn't plan on living where I was forever and could visit her every fortnight. Just before she left she was having doubts about us - saying it was unfair on me. and nearly finished but we stayed together. It is worth saying here that she intended (and always has done) of going travelling alone around the world for a year and I've known this since we first met. I had decided that when she got back would go and live with her. Anyway she moved and for a year and a half it seemed to be going OK. About 6 months I had some doubts about us but did not dicuss put it down to the long distance relationship - but I would try to make it work when I moved to live with her. I now know that 3 months before we split up she was having doubts. I was working really hard and couldn't go to see her and didn't call her as often as I should. Thats the background. Now the split.. We went out to dinner and were having a good day, nothing seemed to have gone wrong or no signs. Anyway over a meal she dumped me. We spoke about it the next day and she was sure. However spoke about it all day and she said it was because I didn't care enough and now she knew that I did would be prepared to have a trial break. Back to the house again, prior to the split (6 months ago) I agreed to buy her share of the house so she could buy another, so the week after we split up we were talking everyday to make sure the money was being sent which was happening before we sp[lit up anyway After we had split I called her 3 days later and she said she had changed her mind and that was it no break period just a complete split , "things weren't working", I started begging (which I now know is a bad move). I had a few days of NC then got drunk and pestered, angry but not insulting/shouting. I am now in a period of no contact but think my actions my have blown any chance of getting her back Just to add she is now going travelling in september this year which she had told me 18 months ago. I had planned to move there when she got back. I am now thinking if I am to win her back I need to act fast. Thanks for reading my story what do you guys think - what are the chances of getting back with an ex
Author jedidriver Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 On day 4 of no contact, What to call / text her. I am off out now but will leave my phone at home!!! What should I do if she calls? ignore? I will ask in here before I do anything. I am quite confuse yesterday wasn't to bad and today was ok but this evening I am pineing after her - usual i suppose
Author jedidriver Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Went out tonight, not great but not ok night. Witnessed someone being dumped and it wasn't a pretty sight teatrs & tantrums. She was really pretty and the guy who dumped her looked like a typical towny.. I really need to rediscover myslef. Iwas there 2weeks ago . really hurt
Author jedidriver Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 I am in quite a strange place, I think I realise that things are over but a part of me still wants her back. I don't know if I am moving on because I know there is no hope or because this is what I need to do to get back together. Its so confusing I really want to call her to discuss but I know this is the worse possible thing I can do. I put my feelings into a letter then burnt it.
Author jedidriver Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 I feel ok with it all now maybe not meant to be would like some feedback though.
trent25 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 You should never be put in a situation like this. It is HER that should be afraid to lose you. You are the man. You need to move on. If she loves you she will come back to you. You cannot do anything else but move on. No woman respects a man who worries about her this much. They want something they cannot have or will lose at anytime. Remember this. I learned it the hard way. Move on even if it kills you. Time means nothing to them. Its all about attraction. Somewhere along the way you lost it. Time to take it back. Good luck. I know its tough.
trent25 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 You didn't lose your chance with begging because most guys do that in the beginning. But what will really make her think is if you have a complete change of character. This means "I'll see you on the other side" attitude. Pretend it is over. You deserve better. You need a woman who stands by you. Read my posts and see what happened to me. She dissappeared. I will not beg her back. I cannot. She got a new man two weeks after. Do I need a girl like this? I need a woman who stands by till the end. Some women will go to the depths of hell with you, others will leave you cowardly for whatever reason.
Author jedidriver Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 I know that today is going to be really hard for nc. I woke up after having a vivid dream about talking thing through with her and I am really hurting this morning.
Author jedidriver Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 Thanks trent25 great advice, will stand by nc. It was a fairly amicable break up and she said wants to be just friends. When I said I was not sure if we could be she looked really upset You should never be put in a situation like this. It is HER that should be afraid to lose you. You are the man. You need to move on. If she loves you she will come back to you. You cannot do anything else but move on. No woman respects a man who worries about her this much. They want something they cannot have or will lose at anytime. Remember this. I learned it the hard way. Move on even if it kills you. Time means nothing to them. Its all about attraction. Somewhere along the way you lost it. Time to take it back. Good luck. I know its tough.
Author jedidriver Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 I was just out in the garden this afternoon and saw a ladybird / ladybug. This was a pet name for my ex. I sat there and just watched it walking around thinking or all the good times I had with my ladybug. I wasn't cross, angry or upset and didn't want to squish it - just smiled thinking of all the good times we had together seemed like 10 mins but was probably just 20 seconds. Then it flew away and that didn't upset me too much either. It just made me realise I had something special but now its gone. Flew in spent some good times together and then flew out. I want to remeber the good times we had together fondly and not with any regrets, anger etc. Went in for a cup of tea (and a few tears) to think about it and write this. I am going back out in garden now to "move on" and carry on with what i was doing before my ladybug flew into my life bye for now
Author jedidriver Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 Carry on with nc.. No Contact is the way 2 go I had a few drinks but nearly forgot about her completly, I feel a bit guilty for feeling like this but I know I have moved on. Its not like I didn't love her but maybe for her the grass was greener on the otherside I now know I can go out and meet other peeps - she was always holding me back. I still think I want her back after 7yrs but do I???? Honest answer NO!!!! I am up for living my life she has lost the best thing that could have happened to her . I know I'll miss her in the morning but **** her I am moving on.
Author jedidriver Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 Compared to the wreck I was 2 weeks ago I am now looking at all the ++++s. Iik now know it would never, ever work . In the 1st days I begged (believe me) but now i want nothing to do with her even if she comes begging. NC is great you look at yourself, question everthing that has happened without confiding in your ex wishing what you had would come back. NC DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BlueEyedSarah Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Glad to hear that your doing good, keep the update up
Author jedidriver Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 Hi all, Thanks for reading my thread and giving feedback, its really supportive and has helped me so much. I feel this morning that it is still over. I do want to ring her but will continue with nc.
funkybassplayer Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I hate to say it but it sounds like she waited for the house sale to go through then dumped you. thats maybe what you felt inside as well, and got angry with her. I think forget her, and take time out, shes going away, and will have a ball without you, an you cant for a year, suffer for whats going on in her life. My situation is similar in that i was kind of conned into a freinship after a relationship, then chucked aside as soon as a new guy came along. I felt cheated and hurt and i missed the kids, and cant speak to them. I said crap stuff too, but not abusive Its done now and if you want her back, you have to stay quite and leave it too her, but i think that its finished. If i were you, sell the house, maybe go travlling yourself and then come back and start again without her. It was a bit cruel that she waited for the house sale then told you, i would be bloody angry as well, but at least you have all the equity to spend or reinvest. I would sell up, there will be loads of memories in that house.
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