lostandconfused.2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Firstly, little intro....this is my first time posting...I was searching for dating advice forums cuz I need help and I stumbled upon this one. People here seem to know what they're talkin about so I joined! Ok so here we go, this might be long but for those of you that stick around and read it, thanks a lot! I won't get into the details of my relationship but Ill say the main points and go from there. Just like the title says, I need help badly! I have been dating my gf for almost 2 yrs now....We had a good start but then it got sour in the middle and now I am confused. During the first 6 months, it was great...dont really need to explain this part cuz everyone usually experiences that "he/she makes me feel like i have butterflies in my tummy" feeling at first. After that, I screwed up...I lied to her about a trip I was going to but not because I was planning on cheating but because I still had my old mentality from a past ex and thought she would get mad. Once that was settled, few months go by and while I was heavily intoxicated, I cheated on her ( I made out with some chick). Horrible thing I have ever done and highly regretted it....when I drink I am always in control except for that one night...hell, when I was single I wouldn't randomly make out with strangers. I admitted it to her, we "broke up" for maybe a week but then got back together. That was over a year ago (May 2006)....after that point, she obviously has some major trust issues with me...I meet some girl and we start talkin, hanging out n what not, if I was married people would say "I was having an affair". Thing was, I didnt really know where I was going with that, first I was doing it cuz she seemed cool but then some feelings started to develop...mind you, at this point my gf is absolutely being histerical with me about different things such as not trusting me, getting angry with me, and the list goes on. So obviously, my feelings for her at that moment in time weren't exactly strong and I for sure thought we were gonna be over. That was in summer of 2006... So, we'll fast forward to early this year....I currently go to University and decided to join a fraternity. Some of you may think thats childish and stupid but I didn't do it for drinking or any other stereotypical things. I had my reasons and they're all a good group of guys. Naturally, my gf did not approve of this because we would have parties with sororities...(Side note: these girls are not the stereotypical sluts and whores some of you may have heard about). She constantly thinks that I am cheating on her when I go to these parties n what not and by this point she has said to me that she wants to break up maybe around 10-15 times since we started dating and I'm not even joking. After much talk and explanation, she kinda calms down but has outbursts.... I feel that joining this fraternity has changed me into a better person, more mature and responsible and I would never do any of the things I did to her in the past (lying and the cheating). I have told her this on many occasions but she just doesn't get it! So we'll fast forward once again to now...the number of times shes been wanting to break up with me is probably around the 20 mark, probably higher but I stopped counting. She has NO trust in me whatsoever despite the fact that I've been completely different and truthful to her for the past year and have apologized profusely for what I did to her. If she goes online and sees me talkin to girls she thinks I'm trying to get with them. If I go out with my guy friends, she thinks the same thing.... On top of this, we went from having sex all the time, being affectionate, to having sex maybe once a week (if I'm lucky) but on average now, I would say about once every 2 wks if that, maybe even 3 wks. She's not very close to me anymore but she says she loves me very much and wants to be with me forever. She's a real head case...she's playing around with my feelings and I don't know what to do? Is this relationship pretty much done and we're just trying to squeeze the last little bit out of something that is already drained and should've been finished a long time ago? I love this girl very much...I know I made those stupid mistakes but I can actually say I have been genuine and truthful to her since the last big thing last year. No matter how many times I tell her I love her and want to be with her too, she just does not believe it. Actually, just the other day when she was freakin out again saying that I should jsut find someone else and all this crap, I ask her "What part of, 'I love you' don't you understand?" and she responds, "I understand it but I keep hearing, '...until I find someone else' ". I don't know how else to please and prove to this girl that I will never do what I did. What do you guys think about this situation....help me out, I desperately need advice. I can give more details if something needs to be clarified better. Thank you so much if you read this far......I truly appreciate your time!
nicki Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It would seem to me that she doesn't think you have really changed all that much. Maybe you should cut out the talking to girls. After all, that's how your problems started before, right? Does she go to the parties with you? How about making her part of your life? Include her in everything. Invite her to all the parties. Maybe skip some of the parties and choose spending time alone with her. I'd bet she simply wants to know that she comes first in your eyes. She wouldn't be threatening to break up with you all the time unless she wanted you to convince her that you want to be with her. She's giving you a wake up call. Ask her what she needs from you. Really listen to her. Then discuss together how you want your relationship to be. Remember, although you've apologized, an apology is usually the place where a woman starts to talk about how much you've hurt her. She really needs to know that you "get it" and won't do anything remotely like it again. Maybe the whole frat life and hot college girls all around is freaking her out. That IS a lot of temptation she has to worry about with someone who has already shown that he is predisposed to talking to and kissing other women. I'm sure you have changed or you wouldn't be posting here. Now you have to SHOW her how you've changed and that she is the ONLY woman for you.
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