scrybe74 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I'm a guy...whenever I've not posted a photo I get the silent treatment. When I get messages from girls without photos I rarely respond. Usually there's a reason for no photo. Not very attractive, not very smart, pretty lazy or all 3. I've been dating online on and off for about 4-5 years (no I'm not a serial dater...I met someone online and we dated for 2 years) and in all that time there has online been one occasion where a girl didn't post her photo and she actually WAS very pretty. I was shocked to say the least but it's pretty rare. I'd recommend putting up a photo OR use a site that will only allow people with permission to see your photo. Or put a note in your profile heading that you have photos available upon request.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 10, 2007 Author Posted June 10, 2007 So I left you guys persuade me to put up photos... but only after I saw some guys' profiles that had no primary photo, only additional photos, which means they didn't have a photo come up in the search. I figured I could just delete the primary photo and have only additional. It didn't work. They moved one of my pics to primary anyway. In the few hours it was up, I got 3 emails and 5 winks. I specifically put in my profile that I'm not interested in guys who want to have kids, because it's pointless to start an LTR when there's a major deal breaker from the get-go (I don't want kids.) All but one guy who contacted me has either that he "definately" or "someday" wants kids and they say they want 2-3 kids. WTF?? Like I said, guys don't even read the f*ckin profile. If I want a f*cking meat market where guys aren't interested in anything but how I look, I'll go to a club... As bitchy as it may sound, I'm disgusted by the whole thing right now. I deleted all my pics.
pelagicsands Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Like I said, guys don't even read the f*ckin profile. Maybe they just weren't listening when they read it. Like, they think that when you set eyes on them (and get a whiff of their powerful man-pheromones), you will change your mind, and desperately seek a way to mix your genes together. As often as possible. Besides, the reality is that people soon bore of their careers. "Oh, the challenges my job brings make life so fun and rewarding. Not to mention feeling important and influental." Sure. Whatever you need to tell yourself. You want real power - be a parent. As an added bonus, you don't die alone (unless you plan on marrying a toyboy with great genes).
PhineasG Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Frankly, I don't think you should pursue somebody who doesn't post a pic in their profile; even if some people don't put up realistic pictures, I've found that most people DO. I also think online dating is a great way to meet people. I'm a classic introvert, so I prefer reading somebody's profile and writing a response to them, rather than approaching them in a crowded room and try to make conversation. My friends at first laughed at me for joining a service and called me a "weirdo", but I'm the guy who's actually dating, while they're lurking around bars and coming home without any numbers. I say, if it works, do it!
VirtualInsanity Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 That got me wondering what people think of profiles without photos. For those of you've used dating sites, do you respond to them? Do you assume the person must be so ugly they don't want to show their face? Do you wonder if they have something to hide (like they don't want their H to see them on a dating site)? Just curious. I'd pass on all profiles with no picture. Too many reasons why it's not there which I want no part of.
stace79 Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I was on a dating site off and on over the past couple years. That's how I met the two most recent guys, one I'm still with, the other was really great, as well. I did not ever respond to anyone without a picture. Of course, pictures can lie, too, and even great looking people can be jackasses. But I just don't see a point wasting time talking to someone, getting to know them and possibly meeting them if I don't have at least SOME SMALL IDEA that I will be attracted to them. And yes, it tells me that either they believe they're not attractive enough to post a photo or they've got something to hide. Just my two cents.
electric_sheep Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 I specifically put in my profile that I'm not interested in guys who want to have kids, because it's pointless to start an LTR when there's a major deal breaker from the get-go (I don't want kids.) All but one guy who contacted me has either that he "definately" or "someday" wants kids and they say they want 2-3 kids. WTF?? Like I said, guys don't even read the f*ckin profile. That may not be it. They may have read it but didn't give it a lot of importance. To be talking about kids right off the bat is sort of jumping the gun a little bit. Not to mention they may simply have put their preference down, but not be very committed or adamant about it. I don't want to appear condescending, but peoples attitudes and feelings about such things often change with time. Very often, in fact. So unless you are in your low to mid 30's it's possible your own feelings may change. Mine did. I went from adamantly not wanting kids (much like you), to simply being very skeptical and having mixed feelings about it. It's quite likely I will never have kids, but I've learned never to say never. That goes for just about everything too.
Sand&Water Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 RE: I completely understand where you are coming from, crazy_grl. One of the down sides of not having your picture up is that, generally, men will not take you seriously -and that is by far the most frustrating thing to handle. My Advice: Stop stressing and over-analyzing this matter. With or without a picture, the right person will fall in love with your soul. That is the important part. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing and with time you will fully understand the outcome. Good Luck. Sand&Water
Author crazy_grl Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Not to mention they may simply have put their preference down, but not be very committed or adamant about it. In that case, they could have answered "not sure" or "probably not". I don't want to appear condescending, but peoples attitudes and feelings about such things often change with time. Very often, in fact. So unless you are in your low to mid 30's it's possible your own feelings may change. Mine did. I went from adamantly not wanting kids (much like you), to simply being very skeptical and having mixed feelings about it. It's quite likely I will never have kids, but I've learned never to say never. That goes for just about everything too. But it's very presumptuous of them to assume that what I say I’m looking for isn’t what I’m looking for. It’d be just as frustrating to get a bunch of responses from guys who are looking for NSA relationships or to be a guy who says he’s looking for only an NSA getting a bunch of responses from women looking for an LTR. It’s all moot anyway now. I’m becoming a lesbian...
Author crazy_grl Posted June 13, 2007 Author Posted June 13, 2007 Stop stressing and over-analyzing this matter. No worries. I wasn't stressing or overanalyzing. Just wondering how people felt. I don't have a problem with no one contacting me. I'll be done with that site after the free trial ends. I don't know if I'll try using another one with better features. Probably not.
mymatchmaker Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Hi crazy grl, In my opinion, I think that it is very important for a profile to have photo. It shows the seriousness of the person who posted the profile, and at least you have some assurance that you have certain level of physical attaction toward that person before you invest more time on this person. Personality matters a lot, but I don't think you can be in any kind of relationship with a person unless you have at least certain level of physical attaction toward a person even though you may think that personality is more important than physical appearance. Take care. Mymatchmaker
ls3360 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I actually find the profiles without photos more interesting. With many of the photos I feel like I'm being baited. I don't like that feeling. The photos rarely reflect the impression I'll have in real life. I find that it's often the case that the people that don't list their photos have more character. I actually respect them for that and give their profiles more attention. And if fewer people are giving the photo-less profiles attention, as I hear, then I'm more likely to get the undivided attention of the owners of those photo-less profiles. And of course, if you're looking for the latest popular super models on those sites, you'd better look at the photo-less profiles since, although they might mention that people find them attractive, they certainly won't show their photos on their profiles. :-) I use an online dating site or two, but I have to say that I'm not happy with the results. The whole process seems flawed. ('many details omitted.) And despite having a selection of 500 or more candidates to chose from and the possibility of conversing with 20 or more at a time, I've gotten far better results in real life than on the online sites. For one thing, I find having a huge selection to be a weakness of these sites, not a strength.
tanbark813 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 I actually find the profiles without photos more interesting. I use an online dating site or two, but I have to say that I'm not happy with the results. Interesting, and not altogether surprising, coincidence.
Star Gazer Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Interesting, and not altogether surprising, coincidence. Seriously, OP, even if you have a need for some privacy, there are plenty of sites out there that enable you to reveal your picture to who you want, and/or at a certain "stage" of the matchmaking process, so that not everyone on earth can see you and/or search for you. I think it's safe to say that most people who come across a profile without a photo will think one of four things: (1) they don't want to get caught on a dating site because they already have an SO; (2) they don't take the dating process seriously, and are just doing the profile thing for kicks; (3) they aren't attractive; (4) they're fearful of people - friends, peers, professionals, etc. - knowing they're on a dating website. The first three reasons speak for themselves. However, if you're afraid/embarassed of people knowing you're on a dating website...well...that's just lame. First, soooo many people are doing it and/or have tried it, and it doesn't carry the same stigma that it did like yeeeeaaarrrs ago. Secondly, what's wrong in letting the world know you're looking for love? And finally, assuming you meet the love of your life online - are you going to be embarassed to tell people how you met?? Lame. OP - I understand you're willing to wait until you meet the person face to face to see what they look like, but honestly, that's just not realistic and you know it. Look through random profiles and you'll find that 90% aren't attractive and don't give you butterflies. Chances are that the person behind the photoless profile is in that 90%. With a photo, at least you know that there's some level of physical attaction toward that dude - in addition to a personality - before you waste time getting to know them. Sure, personality absolutely matters - more so than looks, IMO - but unless you're both looking for an asexual, sexless relationship, it's an absolute necessity to be physically attracted to the person as well.
tanbark813 Posted June 13, 2007 Posted June 13, 2007 Seriously, OP, even if you have a need for some privacy, there are plenty of sites out there that enable you to reveal your picture to who you want, and/or at a certain "stage" of the matchmaking process, so that not everyone on earth can see you and/or search for you. I think it's safe to say that most people who come across a profile without a photo will think one of four things: (1) they don't want to get caught on a dating site because they already have an SO; (2) they don't take the dating process seriously, and are just doing the profile thing for kicks; (3) they aren't attractive; (4) they're fearful of people - friends, peers, professionals, etc. - knowing they're on a dating website. The first three reasons speak for themselves. However, if you're afraid/embarassed of people knowing you're on a dating website...well...that's just lame. First, soooo many people are doing it and/or have tried it, and it doesn't carry the same stigma that it did like yeeeeaaarrrs ago. Secondly, what's wrong in letting the world know you're looking for love? And finally, assuming you meet the love of your life online - are you going to be embarassed to tell people how you met?? Lame. OP - I understand you're willing to wait until you meet the person face to face to see what they look like, but honestly, that's just not realistic and you know it. Look through random profiles and you'll find that 90% aren't attractive and don't give you butterflies. Chances are that the person behind the photoless profile is in that 90%. With a photo, at least you know that there's some level of physical attaction toward that dude - in addition to a personality - before you waste time getting to know them. Sure, personality absolutely matters - more so than looks, IMO - but unless you're both looking for an asexual, sexless relationship, it's an absolute necessity to be physically attracted to the person as well. Word.
ls3360 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 The first three reasons speak for themselves. However, if you're afraid/embarassed of people knowing you're on a dating website...well...that's just lame. First, soooo many people are doing it and/or have tried it, and it doesn't carry the same stigma that it did like yeeeeaaarrrs ago. Secondly, what's wrong in letting the world know you're looking for love? And finally, assuming you meet the love of your life online - are you going to be embarassed to tell people how you met?? Lame. I disagree that these are the only four reasons for not revealing your photo up front. 5) People have already mentioned the "stalker" thing. Also... if the words behind the profile are at all interesting (read not-generic), they can be somewhat personal. 6) If you have a professional career you might need to maintain a particular professional persona and will not want to be identified with the personal persona of your profile. Unfortunately a photo would give that away. 7) Some people have certain beliefs that lead them to not reveal their photo up front. And this can tend cull away potential suitors that are not of the same mind. Please consider the fact that there truly are good reasons for not revealing your photo up front. Obviously though, as you say, most people assume there is something wrong with the person behind the profile if there is no photo.
The Velvet Vixen Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 I disagree that these are the only four reasons for not revealing your photo up front. 5) People have already mentioned the "stalker" thing. Also... if the words behind the profile are at all interesting (read not-generic), they can be somewhat personal. 6) If you have a professional career you might need to maintain a particular professional persona and will not want to be identified with the personal persona of your profile. Unfortunately a photo would give that away. 7) Some people have certain beliefs that lead them to not reveal their photo up front. And this can tend cull away potential suitors that are not of the same mind. 8) Some people are afraid that someone else will steal their photo and post it as their own in other locations on the internet. 9) Some fear that their pictures may be digitally modified (i.e., someone can doctor the photo to make it appear that you are naked, or appear that you were doing something or in someplace you were not). I don't use dating sites, but if I did, I wouldn't post a photo for the reasons I just mentioned.
Huntr777 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 To be honest, I much prefer a picture with a personal ad. I will usually respond to one with a picture before one without one. Also you'll get a lot more responses with a pic than without one, or so says Yahoo personals. H777
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 99% of the time I have been disappointed when I finally got a picture. I never used to put a picture on, but a few months ago I did, and once I started dating a few, I removed my pictures, too many guys messaging me, and I wasn't interested in any of them, and had enough on my msn to scope out.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 22, 2007 Author Posted June 22, 2007 9) Some fear that their pictures may be digitally modified (i.e., someone can doctor the photo to make it appear that you are naked, or appear that you were doing something or in someplace you were not). Oh, I practically forgot somebody did that to me. When I was in college somebody took pics I had on my website and photoshopped my face onto other women's bodies. One was the poster for the movie Wild Things, another was a naked woman sitting in a pool, and another was some woman in lingerie. It seems kinda funny, but it wasn't too funny to have it posted all over the office at my school where I worked, left on the windshield of my car, and put inside of my backpack. It was really creepy and disturbing. I still have no idea who did that. So now that you mention it, that might have something to do with why I don't feel comfortable putting my pics up.
doiask42much Posted June 22, 2007 Posted June 22, 2007 Sorry if I am repeating anything anyone has already said, but it just makes sense to have a picture to help make the process more efficient for everyone involved. I respect people's wish not to put their picture up for all the reasons people have already listed, but I know that I won't respond since I am pretty particular and don't want to waste my time getting to know someone I most likely won't be attracted to and set myself for an extremely awkward meeting, if it gets that far. I think most people feel the same way. Yeah, you can exchange pictures one on one later, but your profile would REALLY have to grab the reader who is searching through hundreds of profiles, so you're really stacking the deck against yourself. A lot of people don't even read the profiles at all unless they like the photo.
The Velvet Vixen Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 Oh, I practically forgot somebody did that to me. When I was in college somebody took pics I had on my website and photoshopped my face onto other women's bodies. One was the poster for the movie Wild Things, another was a naked woman sitting in a pool, and another was some woman in lingerie. It seems kinda funny, but it wasn't too funny to have it posted all over the office at my school where I worked, left on the windshield of my car, and put inside of my backpack. It was really creepy and disturbing. I still have no idea who did that. So now that you mention it, that might have something to do with why I don't feel comfortable putting my pics up. That's terrible that someone would do a thing like that to you. Unfortunately there are a lot of sick people out there. I've heard many stories about pics being modified in all sorts of dirty ways, and that's one of the main reasons why I have never and would never post a pic, or send a pic to someone I didn't talk to for a certain period of time. I don't think you have to post your photo to meet a decent guy, even though it's true that it will significantly lessen the amount of guys who contact you. I wasn't looking for a guy online, but I met the perfect one anyway. I sent him my pic after we'd talked long enough (a few months) that I felt comfortable that he wouldn't do anything with it like I mentioned above. He wasn't even close to disappointed when he finally saw me. We talked online for 2 years before meeting in person, and now, 3 1/2 years after meeting, we're planning to get married in a few months! Good luck with your search...hope you meet your soulmate too.
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