DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Pro: Most people on a dating site are actually interested in dating. Many people, if not most, that you meet in real life are married, in relationships or otherwise not available. CONTRADICTS THIS: Profiles with no picture are often posted with people who are hiding the fact they have an online dating profile. Yes, it may be from a psyco ex, but they're most likely hiding it from their spouse or current relationship partner. Or they may be insecure about their appearance. And This: Pro: People can respond safely and what it's convenient. In real life, chance meetings with people you find attractive are not always condusive to getting to know them better. People, especially women, are also often reluctant to give out contact information to people they don't know. Well, you have lot of ego stroking boys and girls on the internet. You can filter it out more easily on the street. And responding is Ego-safer hence it gives your ego less sharping. Your social skills might suffer in long term. I prefer making friends on the internet. Dating reasons ae not a priority for me. Maybe Im looking at it from guys perspective. Post a profile with a photo of decent looking girl and you will have your email flooded instantly with so much BS I understand the reasons girls prefer the cyberspace. Its the same with phones. They love to Talk the talk and dont walk the walk :p
electric_sheep Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Well, DanielMadr isn't shy about giving his opinion, but everybody should remember that's precisely what it is. I too met my current SO on the internet and we've been together for about 2 years now. Further, there is no way I would have ever met this person in real life, as their is a significant age difference between us and the intersection of our social circles is the null set. I think for busy people who don't have time to go out and drink at bars or take yoga classes the internet is a great way to meet people. Also, at this point the internet is simply an auxillary to "real life". It is a compliment and extension of real life, not some exotic alternate reality as dipicted in the Matrix. My grandma uses the internet for crying out loud. Having said that I think "real life" is fabulous too, so if you have the time to go to wine tastings, free concerts in the park, yoga classes, or whatever you're into (bar scene, salsa dancing)... then go for it. Or if you're outgoing enough to ask the pretty girl out serving you a latte in the morning, more power to you. The internet just happened to fit perfectly with my time restraints and personality type. Anyway, to answer the OP's original question... I think it's just human nature to want to see a photo. For better or for worse looks seems to be pretty close to the top of the list, despite all the denials you hear from people. So, I'd be skeptical if someone refused to send me a pic. But, if they don't have one in their profile I simply assume: - they are shy - they are hiding from someone - the whole internet "thing" kind of freaks them out, and they are scared or worried to put a pic up - they are embarrased to be internet dating - they think they are ugly
Author crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 You for example are hiding the fact that you have a BF.. Huh? Art, I don't have a BF. I had a guy who said he doesn't want to be my BF but that we could still be friends, to which I answered that that was a bad idea. What gave you the idea I have a BF? There is something to be said about physical attraction. Yeah, but I don't want responses from guys who are only physically attracted. Years ago I put a profile with photos just for fun and got a bunch of responses. Most were nothing like what I was looking for, and I didn't match what their profile said they were looking for. I just found it annoying and didn't contact any of them. I'd like a guy to actually read my profile and be interested in who I am, instead of just my looks. To me, that seems like a major benefit of online dating. The reason I don't have a photo is pretty much the same as BonneKarma. What am I hiding? Well, I'm not comfortable with the general public being able to see what I look like. I don't want to attract interest based only on my looks. I'd like someone to read thoroughly what I have to say and then if they like that they can request a photo. I also don't want random people at work to see that it's me and read all about me and know that I'm looking to meet someone. It's a privacy issue.
tanbark813 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I don't bother messaging, or responding to, profiles with no photos. I made the mistake once and won't do it again.
electric_sheep Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 oh yeah, here are two more reasons people might not have a photo: - they don't know how (you'd be surprised) - they are busy and plan on putting up a photo latter BTW, when I was last on one of these sites a couple of years ago, I got a message (one of the few I ever got, being a guy) from what seemed to be a really intelligent and interesting girl. Her profile had no photo. At the bottom of the message she had attached a pic, and she was a total knock-out. She explained that she just wasn't comfortable with everyone being able to see her like that on the internet, just like crazy_girl said. This is pretty much the same reason I always sign up with a fake name on sites. I just don't like leaving a "trail" that lead back to me in real life. I don't know why really. Just call me paranoid I guess. Anyway, my point being that while some of those profiles lacking a photo may belong to a real fuggly, others may not.
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 What gave you the idea I have a BF? Starting to see what's out there since the guy I was dating doesn't want an R, ya know. This is why.... it sounds to me that you don't want him to know that you are online dating. It just sounded like you were still KINDA dating him and looking to see what is out there.. but if he decided that he wants a relationship that you would stop the online thing.. No biggie though.. just the way I read it.. sorry
StayClose Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Originally Posted by StayClose Pro: Most people on a dating site are actually interested in dating. Many people, if not most, that you meet in real life are married, in relationships or otherwise not available. CONTRADICTS THIS: Quote: Profiles with no picture are often posted with people who are hiding the fact they have an online dating profile. Yes, it may be from a psyco ex, but they're most likely hiding it from their spouse or current relationship partner. Or they may be insecure about their appearance. There's no contradiction. "Most people on a dating site are actually interested in dating" means that SOME people on a dating site are NOT actually interested in dating. Yes, there are ego strokers, but I don't know that they are the majority out there. And there's no contratiction with my other quote. The woman you might meet in line at Starbucks is most likely married or in a relationship. Even if she's not, she may not be comfortable enough to give a phone number after a 3-minute conversation. The next time you have a chance meeting her three months later she amy have a boyfriend. But if you found her online dating profile, she may be comfortable enough after a few email exchanges to give you a chance.
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 "Most people on a dating site are actually interested in dating" means that SOME people on a dating site are NOT actually interested in dating. Exactly.. and How I decide if they are serious about dating is whether or not they have a picture.. No picture= No email from Art.. When I was online dating I had my pictures up.. it is only fair.. Just like Tanbark said.. I've made the mistake of talking to women without pictures before and it is just a waste of time.
Star Gazer Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 No picture = no email/response. End of story. I really don't care about their reason.
marlena Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Stargazer, Couldn't agree more!! Keep gazing at the stars! One day,hopefuly, one star will fall right into your lap!
Author crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 This is why.... it sounds to me that you don't want him to know that you are online dating. Nah, no reason to hide it. Even if I do still want an R with him (which sometimes I do and sometimes I don't) there's no reason to hide that I'm looking. It just sounded like you were still KINDA dating him and looking to see what is out there.. but if he decided that he wants a relationship that you would stop the online thing. You weren't completely off. I've spoken to him a few times, but mostly only when necessary. Not still dating him at all, but if he made a grand gesture that showed he wanted me back and made up for letting me open myself up just to have what he knew was one of my biggest fears come to life, I might think about it. But that door is closing quickly. If I met someone I found intriguing, the door would close in an instant. No biggie though.. just the way I read it.. sorry No prob. "...since the guy I was dating..." Key word: was.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Ok... so what if it was a slightly blurry picture where you couldn't see their face well but could make out enough to see they're not a grotesque mutant?
tanbark813 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Ok... so what if it was a slightly blurry picture where you couldn't see their face well but could make out enough to see they're not a grotesque mutant? I'd still skip it.
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Ok... so what if it was a slightly blurry picture where you couldn't see their face well but could make out enough to see they're not a grotesque mutant? You are supposed to be trying to show someone who your are and by hiding your face you are making yourself look bad. To me it show much more than just the looks.. it also shows that the person isn't insecure about the way they look.. it shows confidence I hate those pictures of people that have sunglasses on them when they are taken.. you are like.. Duh.. who doesn't look good in sunglasses
BonneKarma Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I work for a good-sized company and in a fairly public role. I don't need everyone in the company to know my business - what I weigh, what sign I am, my likes and dislikes, whether I want more children, etc. I'm surprised that is so hard for people to understand. When I have used dating sites in the past I always had a private photo posted. Just send a smile and you can see the photo. It's not so difficult, really but it protects me from the browsers and gossipers. Anyone so cynical to assume I must be hiding something if I don't have a public photo is not someone I would want to date anyways. I read the profiles of others and decide if I'd like to communicate with them based on what they say, rather than some tiny little photo. And quite honestly I have had some great guys - nice looking, fun & with their sh*t together - contact me even without a photo posted. I guess they must actually like what I have to say.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 I was hoping quality guys wouldn't care if there was no photo in the profile and would contact people they found interesting without one. I reasoned kinda like Tony_T that the photos aren't even necessarily accurate anyway, so a smart guy would put more importance on what the person has to say. You'd find out soon enough what they look like in person anyway. Seems some of the quality guys on here see it differently. I'm still not putting a picture up, but it's interesting to know. To me it show much more than just the looks.. it also shows that the person isn't insecure about the way they look.. it shows confidence I disagree. At the risk of sounding conceited, I know I'm attractive. I could put my pick up and have a 90% chance that guy will contact me. But I don't want him to do that just because of how I look. I'm not at all worried about scaring guys away with my photo.
tanbark813 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I guess they must actually like what I have to say. Is it that hard to believe that some people go by both the photo and what the profile says?
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 CG.. Would you communicate with guys that had no picture posted and not expect to know what they look like ? You mention that there is a guy you liked his profile online .. Do you know what he looks like because he had his picture posted ? You can spin it anyway you want to but by not having your picture posted you are losing more than you are gaining.. Why not show who your are ? Are you just a blank face in reality ?
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 just goggle posting picture in online dating and click the first few links.. that is why you should post a picture Here is an excerpt from one of those pages: Why is a photo so important? » If you don’t trust the Internet enough to list a photo, chances are that many people won’t trust it enough to believe a profile without one. Would you? » It shows you’re serious about looking. » Your site may give additional benefits or privileges to members with photos. » Many people simply don’t reply to people without a picture. It’s limiting your chances of success quite dramatically (between 8.5 and 14 times, remember?).
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It may even be best not to. Why would it be best to not have a picture ?
Krytellan Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I was hoping quality guys wouldn't care if there was no photo in the profile and would contact people they found interesting without one. Seems some of the quality guys on here see it differently. Sure it's possible. But you need to accept that probably most men (and I presume women) need to have some form of physical attraction before pursuing a relationship. The problem you're up against by not posting a picture is that any guy who has ever communicated with a person with no picture will tell you that 95% of the time, the woman was just flat-out not attractive. So, yes you could possibly get interest with no picture but don't count on it. Even though you are attractive, men will assume that you are not. That's a reality and one that will undoubtedly frustrate you if you don't post a picture.
BonneKarma Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 crazy_grl - with the site that you use is there an option to have a photo posted privately or behind the scenes, so that you may choose to share it at your own discretion? Although I've said I would never post a public photo, I also would never meet someone without eventually seeing a photo of them. I want the initial contact to be made because of a mental connection, and then the physical attraction to seal the deal.
Jinxx Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 But.... I did sign up for on one site (without photo) solely to spy on my husband right after I left him. And wouldn't you know I engaged in a chat with him -- oh the lies he told about me were un-friggin believeable! So you never really do know who you're talking to. I did however send a photo to those I thought interesting upon their request. It was a recent photo and my profile was completely true. Nothing ever transpired. Most of the men I chatted with lived too far away for any type of in-person meeting plus I just wasn't interested in dating. If I ever do wind up divorced (working on reconcilling) I will not do internet dating, just not for me.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 CG.. Would you communicate with guys that had no picture posted and not expect to know what they look like? If I liked his profile. But his info would have to be fairly detailed so I could get an idea of who he was. That'd be the same if there was a photo. I have noticed though that a lot of the ones without photos have only 3 sentences. Profiles with photos tend to have more written. I'm not going to contact someone with 3 sentences whether there's a photo or not. I would want to see a pic before we met though. But I do think there's a difference between men having a photo and women. Attractive women on dating sites get flooded with responses. Attractive guys get more than unattractive guys, but nowhere near what attractive women get. The women looking usually read the guy's profile. From what I've seen, a lot guys seem to just look at the picture and send messages, especially the 20-30 yr old ones. You mention that there is a guy you liked his profile online .. Do you know what he looks like because he had his picture posted? Yes, but I found the things he said more interesting than how he looked. You can spin it anyway you want to but by not having your picture posted you are losing more than you are gaining.. Why not show who your are? You may be right for someone who's seriously going about this online dating thing, and putting a lot of hope into it. But I've only seen a few profiles that I'd be even mildly interested in. For me, the chances of a few guys not contacting me back are outweighed by how uncomfortable I feel about having my photo on that site. Are you just a blank face in reality ? Maybe. They'll just have to ask for my photo to find out. So, yes you could possibly get interest with no picture but don't count on it. Even though you are attractive, men will assume that you are not. That's a reality and one that will undoubtedly frustrate you if you don't post a picture. I pretty much assumed from the start that not many guys would make first contact with a profile that had no pic. But I thought maybe they would if the girl contacted them first. I'm a little disappointed the guys say they wouldn't, but I'm ok with that. crazy_grl - with the site that you use is there an option to have a photo posted privately or behind the scenes, so that you may choose to share it at your own discretion? Nope. They don't have that option. I'd use it if they did.
Pyro Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I was looking on one of those dating sites where I have created profile with no photos. Starting to see what's out there since the guy I was dating doesn't want an R, ya know. Surprisingly (to me) I found one guy's profile really interesting. (He's either really smart and creative or insane... but that's not important.) So I sent him a wink and wondered if he'll respond. That got me wondering what people think of profiles without photos. For those of you've used dating sites, do you respond to them? Do you assume the person must be so ugly they don't want to show their face? Do you wonder if they have something to hide (like they don't want their H to see them on a dating site)? Just curious. Never thought of it like that, but I always thought that maybe they were not 100% satisfied with how they look, but back in the day when I tried the on-line dating thing, I would never look at those profiles. For me, there has to be some sort of attraction to the gal before I start talking to her and getting to know her.
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