crazy_grl Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I was looking on one of those dating sites where I have created profile with no photos. Starting to see what's out there since the guy I was dating doesn't want an R, ya know. Surprisingly (to me) I found one guy's profile really interesting. (He's either really smart and creative or insane... but that's not important.) So I sent him a wink and wondered if he'll respond. That got me wondering what people think of profiles without photos. For those of you've used dating sites, do you respond to them? Do you assume the person must be so ugly they don't want to show their face? Do you wonder if they have something to hide (like they don't want their H to see them on a dating site)? Just curious.
DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I was looking on one of those dating sites where I have created profile with no photos. Starting to see what's out there since the guy I was dating doesn't want an R, ya know. Surprisingly (to me) I found one guy's profile really interesting. (He's either really smart and creative or insane... but that's not important.) So I sent him a wink and wondered if he'll respond. That got me wondering what people think of profiles without photos. For those of you've used dating sites, do you respond to them? Do you assume the person must be so ugly they don't want to show their face? Do you wonder if they have something to hide (like they don't want their H to see them on a dating site)? Just curious. I would think the are not seeking public approval of their looks. Internet dating is nonsense.
sb129 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 As one of the lucky ones who met the man of their dreams via internet dating, I have to disagree with Daniel. Although I think I did get lucky! I put my photo on my profile, but people had to request to see it, it wasn't on general view. This is because my psycho ex would stalk sites looking for me, and give me untold amounts of grief about it.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I was looking on one of those dating sites where I have created profile with no photos. Starting to see what's out there since the guy I was dating doesn't want an R, ya know. Surprisingly (to me) I found one guy's profile really interesting. (He's either really smart and creative or insane... but that's not important.) So I sent him a wink and wondered if he'll respond. That got me wondering what people think of profiles without photos. For those of you've used dating sites, do you respond to them? Do you assume the person must be so ugly they don't want to show their face? Do you wonder if they have something to hide (like they don't want their H to see them on a dating site)? Just curious. I will never send a message to a profile with no picture... If I get a message and the guy has no photo, I will ask him to email me one...if he doesn't, then I'm not interested. From the ones I got pictures though email... eewwwwww... I can understand why... LOL
Tony T Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 There is no obligation on any participant's part to post a picture and there reason is insignificant. You don't have to respond to someone unless you care to. Any person on a dating site can use the photo of another to lure people in. They can use a very old photo. So just because there's a photo means nothing. Someone without a photo may not have one readily available or one that they like enough to post publicly. I truly don't know why people are so in to this computer stuff. For millions of years people found mates without the aid of dating sites. It's the lazy man's way out. It's nice to find people with the same interests, etc., if they've told the truth...but you'll never find that essential element of chemistry on an Internet dating site. What people look like in an photo will NEVER, EVER have the same effect as an in person meeting. Photos are meaningless and the reasons people leave them off are insignificant. What's important is getting past all that and finding someone you're compatible with and attracted to. That's hard enough doing in real life without putting a computer screen in front of you.
sb129 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 What's important is getting past all that and finding someone you're compatible with and attracted to. I did! Via the internet! To be fair, we found out we do have connections IRL too. We were surprised we had never met in person before.
DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It's the lazy man's way out......That's hard enough doing in real life without putting a computer screen in front of you. Lazy and chicken way out. Photo is poor substitute for all the information you get when you observe the person in real world. On the other hand you can meet people you wouldnt meet in real. Like bigger social pool. Thats positive. But for dating? In the end up with people from the same social circle you are already in. By searching dating sites you make broaden opportunity but it is time consuming so you are actually reducing your real world opportunities, which are more crucial.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 but it is time consuming so you are actually reducing your real world opportunities, which are more crucial. I think it's the opposite, it's much easier to browse the Internet than to actually go out in real world looking for someone... where do you go to meet as much people... in real life???? On the Internet you can browse through hundred of profiles in one night...that's the beauty of the Internet...
sb129 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Its not for everyone, but it worked for me. Wonderboy is just amazing, and we move in together in three weeks. Yay!
DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 but it is time consuming so you are actually reducing your real world opportunities, which are more crucial. I think it's the opposite, it's much easier to browse the Internet than to actually go out in real world looking for someone... where do you go to meet as much people... in real life???? On the Internet you can browse through hundred of profiles in one night...that's the beauty of the Internet... You have read the whole sentence: Pros: Internet has more oportunities Negs: Real world opportunities gives you real world experience Its much easier - And thats the problem. Things that are easy makes us lazy and coward.
DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Its not for everyone, but it worked for me. Wonderboy is just amazing, and we move in together in three weeks. Yay! WE HEAR YOU AND WE ARE HAPPY FOR YOU!!! ....at least I am and it counts;)
BonneKarma Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Considering that we're on a website to discuss and receive advice about dating, I'm surprised at the answers here so far. *shrug* Personally, I know several people who met their significant others on dating sites and they have very successful relationships. I've used dating sites at various times and although I haven't met the right match, I have met some very interesting people and made some friends. Just like in real life. I'm not presently using a dating site, but I don't rule them out as a method for meeting people. With my lifestyle, the only people I usually meet are at my work and occassionally at a party or something... it's nice to have another source, widen the net a little - so to speak. Anyways, that's off topic! I don't think there's anything wrong with not posting a photo publicly. I never have, but in my profile I've always addressed the fact that I do have photos available. What am I hiding? Well, I'm not comfortable with the general public being able to see what I look like. I don't want to attract interest based only on my looks. I'd like someone to read thoroughly what I have to say and then if they like that they can request a photo. I also don't want random people at work to see that it's me and read all about me and know that I'm looking to meet someone. It's a privacy issue. I'll still respond to profiles without a photo, and if I like what I read I request to see one. It's quite simply, really. They do say that without a photo however, you cut your response rate drastically. I'm okay with that.
serial muse Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Yeah, I really don't get the hostility toward online dating round these parts. All it is, really, is just another way to meet people, no better or worse than other ways. But it does seem that people here get so emotional about it...I think some people have bad experiences - and that sucks - but I'm not sure why you'd extrapolate those to the entire community. The only thing I can think is that everyone wants to "solve" this dating thing, and online dating has become a convenient punching bag. It's not for everyone, but demonizing it as entirely a bunch of crap seems a little...hysterical to me. Anyhoo. The picture thing - honestly, I never contacted anyone who didn't post a photo. I didn't altogether rule them out, but I didn't make the first effort, either. However, when I was contacted by no-photo guys, I responded. Most subsequently sent pics via email. But I did wonder why they didn't just put them up online in the first place. I think the photo thing can get a bit overbearing, though - one guy I was emailing with asked me to send more and more pics of myself to him (I had three up online) because he said he couldn't see me clearly enough in those. I was like, c'mon. Meet me or don't, but I'm not a modeling agency. Edited to add: There was a reality dating show about online dating (I think) a little while back in which one woman, who was a successful doctor, refused to put her pic up and was annoyed that the pool of people she had to choose from were smaller. Her reason for not putting it up was that she didn't want the people she works with to know she was doing it. She also didn't want the men she was dating to recognize her, because she wanted to keep her job a secret until she was sure they weren't after her for her money. All in all, she seemed a little...strange, and oddly demanding of her dates (in that she wanted them to prove themselves before she would reveal much about herself). I'm not saying all people who won't post photos are like that, but to be honest, I can't think of a wholly satisfying reason not to post one, if you're going to put up a profile anyway. So it would be in the back of my mind.
marlena Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I would think the are not seeking public approval of their looks. Internet dating is nonsense. I'm fast reaching that conclusion!!!! I conclude from yr own own "thesis" that so have you! Care to share yr experiences /thoughts on the topic?
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I think that people who don't have a photo have something to hide.. You for example are hiding the fact that you have a BF.. When I was online dating I never took any profile seriously that didn't have photos as they are the ones that you spend days getting to know someone then they send you their picture and you are not interested.. days wasted.. or those are the prostitutes or the foreigners looking for a green card or the students doing a paper in school on online dating.. There is something to be said about physical attraction.
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 This is because my psycho ex would stalk sites looking for me, and give me untold amounts of grief about it. haha, I had an ex do that to me the last time or so that I used match.. I could tell that she didn't have a BF..
Topper Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I am very reluctant to contact anyone without a Photo. I have also started closely looking at phots to determine how old photo is. Clues such as style of dress can tell you if this is a 10 year old or 5 year old or more resent photo. I have had a great number of women wink at me or send me emails that do not have a photo. If there is something in their profile that gets my attention i will write back and ask for photo. I have met some great woman on line just not the one. I have been seeing someone that i met on line. She is a little reluctant to get to involved with me due to a 15 year age difference. We have a great time together, whenever we go out. I think a lot of her friends are pressuring her to find a guy that is a lot younger then me.
marlena Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 There is something to be said about physical attraction. Correction! There is a lot to be said about physical attraction. But photos on a dating site don't mean zilch!!! It could be a photo of just about anyone from Brad Pitt to Angelina JOlie to some photo downloaded fromthe internet to photos taken in someone's yesteryears!!! Nonsense! As is most of the verbal garbage people post! What matters is meeting up in the flesh!! THe rest is simply garbage!
serial muse Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Nonsense! As is most of the verbal garbage people post! What matters is meeting up in the flesh!! THe rest is simply garbage! Sounds like you had a bad experience recently?
BonneKarma Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 There certainly are a lot of cynical people out there. In my experience with dating sites, and the experience of people I know, I don't think that many people actually post fake photos. What kind of sites are we talking about? The only horror stories like this that I've heard are from people who met on a forum or chat room! I have my reasons for not posting a photo, and those are good enough for me. I'm not looking to meet a cynical person anyways, so that's okay.
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I don't think that many people actually post fake photos. I have met 2 women on match that posted 10 year old photos of themselves.. One was honest enough that after we started to talk she fessed up.. the other wasn't until we met for dinner and I realized that she had put on an xtra 100lbs or so since the picture was taken. Yes there is a lot of phony stuff in profiles.. Most woman in my age group lie about their age..I'm in my early 40's and by lie I'm talking 5-10 years.
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I have my reasons for not posting a photo, what are you hiding ?
Krytellan Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 If I see a profile with no photo, I figure they are either too ugly or too lazy to post one. I don't want either. If it's because you don't to be seen by professional peers, make it private or something.
amaysngrace Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I don't do date sites but I think it would be good to post your picture. It shows a certain honest quality and also confidence I would think. If you see someone's picture from when they were younger and now they're older I think I'd be more turned off by the deception than I would be by their age.
StayClose Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 You have read the whole sentence: Pros: Internet has more oportunities Negs: Real world opportunities gives you real world experience Its much easier - And thats the problem. Things that are easy makes us lazy and coward. Here's another... Pro: Most people on a dating site are actually interested in dating. Many people, if not most, that you meet in real life are married, in relationships or otherwise not available. Pro: People can respond safely and what it's convenient. In real life, chance meetings with people you find attractive are not always condusive to getting to know them better. People, especially women, are also often reluctant to give out contact information to people they don't know. As for a picture, by all means post one. Profiles with no picture are often posted with people who are hiding the fact they have an online dating profile. Yes, it may be from a psyco ex, but they're most likely hiding it from their spouse or current relationship partner. Or they may be insecure about their appearance. I recommend having a professional photographer take your picture, expecially if you don't look like a movie star. A pro can make you look your comfortable and confident, yet honest best. Wear the sort of clothes you'd wear on a first date. Posting a picture taken 10 years and 50 pounds ago is dishonest, but there's nothing dishonest about a current photo of you looking your current best.
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