She finally hit my limit on generosity after she dumped me

[TooMuchTheGentleman]

I cant decide how to feel, i still think im more appalled and disgusted than angry...

quick summary... she just turned 19, im 25. Met september '06 in college, officially dating oct '06, gave promise ring jan 1st '07, we slowly decided that we should marry eventually during the next 2 months, ie engaged without official announcement, as i wanted to wait at least til october, then have a long engagement as we are still in college.

Whirlwind romance, we worked great, our familys each loved the other one, sure we were made for each other, rarely disagreed, i was always happy, the first time in my life i could say what was really on my mind anytime without bitingmy tongue. longest happiest days of my life... then half way through may, get dumped. ring set on table.... "i still love you, just not in love" "i tried to work on it" "i just turned 19, im not as mature as i thought, need to enjoy my last bit of teenhood" and other such lines...

We've livedin a one bed apartment for quite some time, been great... day after she dumped me, we talked, let alot out, decided we are still great friends, can be roommates til the lease is out, not sharing bed, just taking turns on bed and airmattress. Then a few days later, says she wants to move, her living with me causing problems with the new rebound guy, not enough space etc. Ok,I talked to her next day, I said "i dont want her to remember me as trapping her, so imma take overthe lease, cause i like the place, she'll always be welcome, ill always help out, etc"

she was supposed to get a job already for the summer and start paying her part of expenses, reason for not taking a job she had all but started "I didnt know we were gonna break up" Ive been taking care of her last 3 weeks, despite having no real responsiblity to do so. she is supposed to move, but now isnt sure about moving in with her friend, and will prolly only get her new job if they dont test for drugs as she went with friends to smoke out the other day....

I had promised her dad even that i would take care of her, etc during the relationship, before we moved in. Out of compassion, my still being in love no matter how much it hurt, promise to dad, my used to being her provider, ive been makin sure she has food here she can eat, lettin her have a few dollars for gas to go play with friends (partially so i get the place alone for a few hours), still paying all the bills, etc.

Out of common decency, the one rule would be not bringin anyone back to the place: 1. opposite sex with romantic interest,dating,etc 2. not rubbing her new dating life in my face 3. normal roommate courtesy asking before letting Anyone come over.

All 3 broken today, I woke to a call by one of my guys askin me to help him shop cars, the minute she heard me sayin id be leavin, calls invites a guy i havent met, (but from mentioning, i assumed would be the next rebound boyfriend for 2 weeks), says to me when i ask about that: "I thought it would be ok since you would be gone."

I knew what was gonna happen, just let it be cause i have other things to do, then me and my friend need to stop in to use my computer, i call ahead so i dont walk in on something that would kill me or send me into a rage (not a aggressive person, but everyone has a limit eventually) she asks for another hour, i give her 15 minutes, we come in to my place, obvious with her bed hair, the smell, the bed moved a bit, etc. that guy left, then me andmy friend left, and she left later, as she is not here now.

I have to sleep in that bed, as theres not room for me to move in my bed, its disrespectful in general the same as a roommate using your bed for sex when youre out, its unimaginably cruel knowing I'm still in love with her (although that is not the strongest feeling after today), just plain disgusting and appalling that she could do that, specially with me takin care of her just out of goodness til she gets money from a job.

well, no more, i think this crosses the line from just appreciating someone helpin you out to outright using them...

Im gonna go have a drink with her dad, since i respect him, hes in my line of work (might run into him again one day), and cause i had promised him to take care of her. Gonna explain that whatever happened, hormones, her new antidepressant, boredom whatever, Im sorry i couldnt give her the life she deserved, let him know i never did anything wrong to her, not even raise my voice or lie about something small, and then explain that i just cant let her take advantage of me... If shes starving, ill let her eat some of my food, etc, but otherwise, i cant keep housing and taking care of her....

then im gonna explain to her, i cant trust her anymore, if she needs to stay here another week, she will abide by the rules since shes not paying a dime, and that one of us is packing, cause this just isnt gonna work.

its killed my heart, wrecked my mind, caused physical problems from stress etc, i have to cut her off while i still have something left...

course, i havea feeling,shes gonna get out on her own, datearound, then realize what she left.... and start tryin to come back, etc.

I dont know if i could give her a second chance, especially anytime soon, as it would take at least many months for her to be trustworthy in my eyes again. I do still love her greatly, she had all the qualities ive wanted, all but literally the girl ive dreamt of and hoped for. I dont konw what will happen, dont know if she might deserve a second chance once shes done alot of growin up, if im not already with someone better. I would prolly be waiting for her to leave again or do soemthing else hurtful....

 

so what do i do? cut her off and send her on her way, move out myself and leave her stuck with the bills? give another couple of weeks? see what her dad suggests and wants done for her?

do i write her off forever, or do i try to let things end in a friendly manner in case she wakes up one day?

 

thanks, i gotta do something tomorrow, im told im too caring (not codependant) and that im being used and wasted by her right now

[jedidriver]

The girl seems to be messing you around alot. It seem really easy to say from outside the relationship but I would leave her out to dry. She seems to just be keeping you open as an option and abusing the position. I know this is maybe not what you want to hear.

 

The general theme in here for getting an ex back or to move on with a long period of non contact