ladyb Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I apologize in advance. I know this question probably arised before and I don't want it to be a repetitive question. I just cant seem to really understand the whole "MEN" and their ways of letting a girl know he's into you. Here's some vital clues that I've remembered and picked up and noticed about him... so does it mean anything to you? 1. We'd sit across from each other and I'd catch him staring at me...then look away to talk to his friends 2. We'd email each other cute messages (I like this a lot) on a weekly basis and he'd always add a to most of the messages... 3. Every time my co worker and I go out to take breaks, he'd come greet us and shake my co worker's hand then mine... as if we don't already know each other... shaking hands with someone you know too often? He's probably the only one that shakes my hand (even though we know each other already). 4. One occasion he and his close friend were hanging out with my co worker and I...there was a talk about some event that the whole gang (people I knew) had mentioned my name...I asked, what for? And he said something along the line like...oh it was really nothing... then he says, your name has been said before but you shouldn't know about that... and his close friend starts laughing. Like he was saying he had said my name elsewhere and for his friend to say...oooh you want me to kick him for you? Does he mean something that I'm thinking of? 5. He teases me all the time! Theres many names that he calls me by... I know hes not trying to hurt my feelings because he often want to talk to me... I tend to be shy around him so I can't seem to speak up around him (even though I'm not a shy person). I'm only shy around him! 6. One time I called him a MEANIE because he said I only talk to him when I don't see him and he said stop calling him that...and that I was hurting his feelings... that was a while back...I still remember. 7. If he remembers your conversation about certain things...he really pays attention to you? 8. I caught him checking me out before...the eyes don't lie but I'm sure he checks out any girl? That's how men are, right?? I have a big problem about this because I don't know what to do or say. I know I have feelings for him but I don't want to be the person to take the iniatitive or pursue anything... besides, I'd rather much feel better if he pursued it first if he was interested...and which in my mind I don't know if he does or not?? :/ The reason I feel this way is because sometimes I don't think he tries hard enough...like he's not giving me the clue that he is... sometimes he goes about and mind his own business the whole time.. men probably don't even think about girls like we do to them...?
DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I apologize in advance. I know this question probably arised before and I don't want it to be a repetitive question. I just cant seem to really understand the whole "MEN" and their ways of letting a girl know he's into you. Here's some vital clues that I've remembered and picked up and noticed about him... so does it mean anything to you? 1. We'd sit across from each other and I'd catch him staring at me...then look away to talk to his friends 2. We'd email each other cute messages (I like this a lot) on a weekly basis and he'd always add a to most of the messages... 3. Every time my co worker and I go out to take breaks, he'd come greet us and shake my co worker's hand then mine... as if we don't already know each other... shaking hands with someone you know too often? He's probably the only one that shakes my hand (even though we know each other already). 4. One occasion he and his close friend were hanging out with my co worker and I...there was a talk about some event that the whole gang (people I knew) had mentioned my name...I asked, what for? And he said something along the line like...oh it was really nothing... then he says, your name has been said before but you shouldn't know about that... and his close friend starts laughing. Like he was saying he had said my name elsewhere and for his friend to say...oooh you want me to kick him for you? Does he mean something that I'm thinking of? 5. He teases me all the time! Theres many names that he calls me by... I know hes not trying to hurt my feelings because he often want to talk to me... I tend to be shy around him so I can't seem to speak up around him (even though I'm not a shy person). I'm only shy around him! 6. One time I called him a MEANIE because he said I only talk to him when I don't see him and he said stop calling him that...and that I was hurting his feelings... that was a while back...I still remember. 7. If he remembers your conversation about certain things...he really pays attention to you? 8. I caught him checking me out before...the eyes don't lie but I'm sure he checks out any girl? That's how men are, right?? I have a big problem about this because I don't know what to do or say. I know I have feelings for him but I don't want to be the person to take the iniatitive or pursue anything... besides, I'd rather much feel better if he pursued it first if he was interested...and which in my mind I don't know if he does or not?? :/ The reason I feel this way is because sometimes I don't think he tries hard enough...like he's not giving me the clue that he is... sometimes he goes about and mind his own business the whole time.. men probably don't even think about girls like we do to them...? No we certainly dont think about 'girls' all day long, especially not at work. You are certainly not a nobody to him. Maybe he sees you more than a good friend, who knows. Even heavier flirting can go with no serious intention. Drop some hints directly to him, like you are free and bored on a weekend. Smile at him or touch his arm. And project some sexual energy. When you want sexual relationship, you have to project sexual energy. If he doesnt respond he is either not interested or a pvssy.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I have a big problem about this because I don't know what to do or say. I know I have feelings for him but I don't want to be the person to take the iniatitive or pursue anything... besides, I'd rather much feel better if he pursued it first if he was interested...and which in my mind I don't know if he does or not?? :/ The reason I feel this way is because sometimes I don't think he tries hard enough...like he's not giving me the clue that he is... sometimes he goes about and mind his own business the whole time.. men probably don't even think about girls like we do to them...? I think that you should take the initiative... hey we're in 2007... woman can make the first steps...why wait... he might be too shy or he doesn't want to get a 'no' for an answer... I think you're expecting too much from him... as soon as he's not giving you the attention you want... you think he's not interested... you seem to be a bit 'insecure' IMO... and no I don't think men think about girls as much as girls think about guys... I'm sure of that, especially men that are 'secured' with themselves.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Projecting sexual energy? I know I have done it, but exactly how do you do that, in your opinion? Cause you're a guy, and there's this guy that has checked me out and all that stuff. The physical therapist that comes in my workplace sometimes to work with the residents. He is pretty cute, now that I think about it. he is so caring and stuff. real nice guy. I don't know him though like as far as been out on dates and all that. Bit he always tries to talk to me. I mean, he talks to others, but every since I started blushing when I look at him, haha, it's like he will go to the bathroom just to walk by me, or look at me when i am not looking. Ask me if I am doing ok, then I had to get him to help me pick this woman off the floor, and he did it himself. lol Long story. Then he was patting my back, so he was trying to touch me, tight? haha I know this sounds silly, but this is a good thread to get an answer to my curiosity. I just know that he pays me a lot of attention by looking at me, well, I just know. I used to not think anything about it, but I have seen how mature and what a good guy he seems to really be. So now I am starting to like all that attention, lol. So how do I project sexual energy at work? I certainly don't want him to think I am not interested. It's not the sex I want, lol, I mean, I think this guy seems real great. I have seen him and been around him to know that. It's time I start paying him some attention, too.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Yesterday, there wasn't anyone around us, but sometimes there is, depending on what day it is. I am shy about it right now when there are others around us, cause it's like all those people are thinkin I like him or something. This old woman even told me I should "date the doctor" and I didn't even talk to her about it. She's not even in her right mind half the time, and she was talking about how she wants us to get together. haha This woman is cognitively there most of the time really, but she's 93. So you get my point. I don't know how obvious I want it to be, but I don't want him to think I am not interested. I used to not care, but I do now. I don't know about sexual energy, I don't want him to think I am a big slut. So that's why I was asking you exactly what you meant by that. What would be the best way to let him know I think he's a cutie in an environment like that? I am only 21, if that explains anything. I am not used to having a million people around me while he is checking me out like that. Sorry I am talking about this on someone else's post, but I just read your responses and it made me want to ask you.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Oh goodness, you are gonna have to look over the typos. I tend to do that when I am tired. I am also doing more school work right now, so I am writing my post and hardly paying attention. I'm really not that illiterate! LMAO!
DanielMadr Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I don't know about sexual energy, I don't want him to think I am a big slut. So that's why I was asking you exactly what you meant by that. What would be the best way to let him know I think he's a cutie in an environment like that? I am only 21, if that explains anything. I am not used to having a million people around me while he is checking me out like that. Sorry I am talking about this on someone else's post, but I just read your responses and it made me want to ask you. OK. You are not air to him. So you dont have to burn through him with your hungry eyes Sexual energy simply means not to be cold fish. Let him know he wont run into a brick wall if he makes a move on you. Start a conversation with him, ask him some personal questions, ask him about his personal life (when he mentiones girlfriend, he was just flirting with you). Just a chit chat. You can drop you would like to see some new movie but you dont want to go alone....... So you are in confident and subtle way letting him know you are available. Advanced sexual energy.....You know who you are and what you want and you want him. Nothing slutty. Lots of eye contact, smiles, touching. Its more you are comfortable with yourself and with him and you let go the insecurities. Your attitude cries 'Im available and interested in you'. Play it safe only not to present ackward situations. If you play things safe for the fear of rejection, it gets complicated. Look, he is intimidated and he is taking his time, waiting and waiting for the right opportunity (Not everybody is Always Prepared). Girls taking initiative are not supposed to ask guys out. Their job is to make opportunities. When you sit there dreaming how in love you are with him and when he comes you freak out, shut down all systems and behave like nothing is going on, he wont take the courage to make the next step.
Aloros Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Definitely agree with Daniel. I think it's fine for women to make the first move, but you might want to feel things out a bit more before taking that plunge. You're both in a work environment, and that's a bit awkward. Is there anything you do with your friends in the evenings or on the weekend? You can mention it and say "Hey! Maybe you'd like to join us?" You'd have the chance to talk to him outside of work, and you'd be around your friends, and thus in your comfort zone. I worked in the same building as my guy and had been crushing on him HARD for a year. When I ended my by then defunct relationship, I took the opportunity to invite him out to a bbq. He asked me out a couple days after that. Good luck!
blue_eyes18 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Thanks ya'll, ya'll are so sweet! I know it should be mere common sense, it's just that in an environment like that, I get kinda shy. I noticed his attention, but I didn't think I would be interested in it. I am gonna start by paying him more attention and stuff. I just don't wanna fall all over him or anything. haha Anyways, thanks again sweetpeas. Have a great day!
LN99 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Yeah, its crazy how you don't think twice about someone and then they give you a little attention and suddenly it hits you that you like them. This happened with me and that guy I mentioned in your other post blue_eyes. He is older then what I normally go for. (He's 34 but doesn't look it, and I'm 25.) But when I found out he had a gf, and that he is telling other people he is gonna propose soon, that upset me. I just hate that I still like him though. He is up in my personal space at work, always initiates conversations, compliments me on my work, and I catch him staring. I tried to distance myself from him, but it just keeps happening. I don't have to see him again for awhile, so that helps. But I just don't understand WHY guys do this if they are already in a relationship. I never flirted back with him....at least to my knowledge. I even moved away many times when he tried to stand close to me etc. As for you, I think you should at least be open to something happening. It is awkward, but if you just keep being friendly and open, maybe that will give him the confidence he needs to pursue something with you.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Why in the world would someone act like that and stare and touch and all that stuff? Especially the staring part. That sucks. That's mixed signals since he is proposing. Well, atleast you aren't the girl he's proposing too, lol! That's the bright side of it. Just ignore him. Maybe he'll get the hint that he's stupid. lol Just kiddin' I guess I will smile at him and all that next time he comes in. He works at his physical therapy place and visits where I work, sometimes only once a week. I haven't really kept up with it, but I bet I'm gonna start now. ;)I don't know what hit me. I just blushed yesterday when I saw him, I was like what the crap? I hope he didn't see that. Well, he was already staring at me when I looked up at him, I didn't even know he was there! I guess it made me kinda nervous, in a good way, cause I realized all the attention, he has given me, and I liked it. That's always fun, huh? haha And it's like he went out of his way to speak to me and end up where I was or walk down the hallway or something. I dunno. I hate when people type the word "dunno" haha Off the subject. But anyways, I don't think he's married, almost sure. I will definitely look at his hand next time I'm around him. haha It's just harder for me to really not shy away since he is like 10 years older than me. He's a little cutie, and such a nice guy! Anyways, thanks for your reply! Don't worry about that mutt at work.
Author ladyb Posted June 9, 2007 Author Posted June 9, 2007 This happened with me and that guy I mentioned in your other post blue_eyes. He is older then what I normally go for. (He's 34 but doesn't look it, and I'm 25.) But when I found out he had a gf, and that he is telling other people he is gonna propose soon, that upset me. I just hate that I still like him though. He is up in my personal space at work, always initiates conversations, compliments me on my work, and I catch him staring. I tried to distance myself from him, but it just keeps happening. I don't have to see him again for awhile, so that helps. But I just don't understand WHY guys do this if they are already in a relationship. I never flirted back with him....at least to my knowledge. I even moved away many times when he tried to stand close to me etc. WOW! Sounds just like my situation. May I ask what happened NOW? I have this problem too and its kind of hard to try to stay away. Let's say he was already involved and he sometimes come flirt and do the whole stare thing again... then you try your best to stay away, for the sake of YOUR own good. But when he gives that attention again, its hard to take away what your initial action was...which was stay away for awhile. Why do girls feel that way? And why must guys do that?
blue_eyes18 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Well, you got a point. And I agree with you. It's just in my current situation, he does give me all that attention, but I have never given it back. Yesterday, I blushed and all that. he was trying to make conversation with me, but if I just act like I don't care, he will quit. So I don't think I want him to. Now that I realize that I want to give it back, it kinda freaks me out, so that's why I was wondering all this stuff. It's not that I am chasing him and stuff like that. The thing is, since I am starting to get interested, and look back and see all the attention and stuff he has given me, I guess I am thinking it's ok to act like I like him? I reckon that's what I have been trying to figure out is what to do about it. I am gonna find out next time I see him if he is married or not, like I said. I think he is wanting me to open up and stuff, and I all I am saying is that I don't wanna push him away. I don't wanna make a big thing out of nothing, but I don't think I am. I have just noticed how he stares at me a lot and all that. I guess you could say that I don't want him to think that I'm just not into him. I just get so shy for some reason! Oh, you should have seen me blushing oh my gosh! I was standing there like "Why am I blushing like this and I am freakin talkin to him, askin him a freakin question?" really, I think it was because i already knew he was checkin me out n stuff.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 And also, in one of my most recent replies I was referring to LN99, the guy she posted about when I was talking about the guy proposing to her. I wasn't talking about the guy I work with. I wouldn't be worried about some guy who is proposing to someone else, that's why I told her not to worry about him. You know, my cousin read "He's just not that into you". I read some of it a while back cause she wouldn't shut up talking about it. it was ok. It does revolve around the basic issue of using your common sense and not getting yourself all worked up over nothing, I believe. I find that back kinda humorous. It's a cute little book!
blue_eyes18 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 If he was into you, you wouldn't have to ask this question on a message board, he would make a move. Sorry, I disagree with the others. Frankly, they are making it too complicated, and it's not. You don't have to make efforts to project sexual energy, if he's into you it doesn't even take any effort on your part. Guys make it CLEAR when they're into you by asking you out. He might start by asking if you have a boyfriend, then ask you out from there. Period. Anytime you are having these questions, he's just not that into you. Get that book, by the way! I wasn''t talkin about my guy, I was talkin about LN99/ How is he supposed to do anything besides stare at me if I don't start acting interested, right? Ya'll have a good night. I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball!
LN99 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 WOW! Sounds just like my situation. May I ask what happened NOW? I have this problem too and its kind of hard to try to stay away. Let's say he was already involved and he sometimes come flirt and do the whole stare thing again... then you try your best to stay away, for the sake of YOUR own good. But when he gives that attention again, its hard to take away what your initial action was...which was stay away for awhile. Why do girls feel that way? And why must guys do that? Wow, so I'm not alone? Guys pull this on other people as well? WHY?? Thats what I want to know. I mean I never thought twice about this guy and then one day a few months into knowing him, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was attracted to him. I got this feeling inside.....it was crazy. Then we were talking one day and we just connected. Had a really good conversation etc. He told me I was a lot like him...introverted, shy etc. He hadn't brought up his gf at this point...so I thought he was like hitting on me. Then he would continue expressing interest and I was like wow ok....I'm REALLY starting to like him. Then he started mentioning his gf in front of me and other people. I was totally upset but tried not to show it. So I started mentioning a guy I was talking to who I used to date etc. He got kinda quiet and seemed pissed and even made a comment that I no longer had mystique about me. Then we kept things casual for awhile and he started getting all up in my space again and touching me casually. I would look up and he would be smiling at me. He would pass by a room I was in and look over his shoulder and smile at me. Why me? There were other people in the room with me as well. This made it nearly impossible to get over him and the fact that he is with someone else. Then he was telling someone that he was thinking about proposing to his gf(they are in a LDR). This got back to me and I was even more pissed. So now I avoid him as much as possible. I only make eye contact when necessary. And he is not going to be at my location for work at all this summer. That helps big time. But, I will have to face him again in fall. I'm hoping by that time I will have moved on. Trust me, I wouldn't like him if I could help it...but I can't. It sucks! I guess a part of me hopes this gf doesn't exist and that he is not making a move on me because he technically isn't allowed to. (He is a manager.) And yes, I have read that book "he's just not that into you." Its funny, but so cut and dry. I read stuff like that and then I read all about body language and flirting and attraction secrets and guess what matches up more to his behavior? The flirting stuff. sighs. Oh well.
blue_eyes18 Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 I wonder if the guy you are talkin bout LN99 is just like a big player. There are so many different men out there, it makes me annoyed. To me, it's like, "ok, I've met you, no what do I get to go through this time?" heh heh Just kiddin (sorta) I just stopped talking to a guy about 2 months ago that had been making me feel like he was totally into me, we hung out all the time, just all kinds of stuff that would b too long to post. To make a long story short, he started seeing his crazy ex that he cannot get along with. She's insane, and I also found out he's a drug user. Could have fooled me. For a few months, I thought he was perfect. Massages, talked like best friends. I miss him now that I think about it, well, I miss our time together that we had. But things have changed. Uggghh, I don't know, there could be a million reasons why he is acting like he is. Sounds like he doesn't have it quite together or something. I don't know. I hope you feel better. Maybe you will feel differently when he gets back this fall.
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