princess75 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Hello Everyone, I am very sad as I am going through a divorce. I am sad, because it is not even 1 year ...2 days to go..and it ended. I am soo confused, between love for him, anger for his behavior towards me, feel used and dont know what to do. Why? Do I feel this way? Why can't it work? Even though I know I have done certain tantrums in our relationship I also feel I didn't get a chance to have a happy healthy marriage full of opportunities and growth. I was too much into his needs and I by forgetting about myself in the process ended up feeling like misused. When he wanted out he started acting out and being mean. This included asking me to help him complete the divorce papers...blaming me, asking for money..to the point I told him to stop feeling guilty if he wanted out and let us remeber each other nicely, and he basically did not bother telling me he filed for divorce......already! So humiliating,as I was still trying, I was still asking for him to work on the marriagE! Also, I used to be able to talk to him about anytinhg and now I dont have even my friend, yet I feel he was more like an enemy. I sometimes want to run to him(no living in my own place) and tell him let us work on it, but truth is he had already made his decision...WITHOUT ME! ADVice please.......
mum2three Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Just thought I'd jump start your thread. Many of us can relate to you. We know and have been thru the despair that you are going thru right now. You are right, your H made the decision without you. It really hurts and s**ks but unfortunately is reality. They can do that and it leaves you just asking why? You didn't lend any info about his/your background and whether marriage counseling was an option. From my experience and others on this bb, when a spouse wants out they usually mean it. How long have you been living apart? What were some issues that the both of you couldn't resolve? Are there any 3rd parties involved? Your feelings of sadness are truly normal. Do you have family or close friends to lean on? Have you tried individual counseling to deal with the sadness? Has your spouse addressed chances of reconciliation? Stick around. Some experienced members can give you advice on possible divorce busting if that is a direction for you. Please seek some professional help if you are not coping well with the sadness. It is a really tough time and no one should go thru it alone.
mammax3 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It is sad. And hard to accept that a spouse doesn't want to work on the relationship and just wants out. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you had no say in a *huge* life decision ... But you have a say over how you will react and live out the next little while. If you are feeling like you can't cope, or you don't have any friends or family to lean on, would individual counselling be an option? It is really important to judge yourself to see if you are able to deal with the emotional upheavel that's happening. Because it IS hard and you should have all the support you need. Posting here really helps. I understand your questions, but there will likely never be a reason that satisfies you - it's something inside him, and you may see another way to 'fix' the problem, but he doesn't. It only takes one to end a relatiopnship, unfortunately.
Author princess75 Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Hello, thanks for the reply. More about my marriage. He basically felt I was complaining too much when all I was requesting is normal married couple things...he did not want to do a budget, he did not give me enough attention (meaning all the time come home and watch TV and use Internet) Thing is for me we were newly wed and it should be all love..but apparently not for him...........also, he was having problems in his daily life and it became all ABOUT those PROBLEMS. Some related to a rejection to study, residency pending..(I dont have those issues but he was being sponsored by me), me getting a better job and he not being happy about it...as this affected his residency....would take more time...he spending money wrongly, and then asking me for money and I would not give it to him as I have my own debts (go back to HE DID NOT WANT TO DO A BUDGET) He also accused me of going out with another men, when I was faithful to the fault. Now, because I addressed those issues and wanted to resolve them he retaliated and blamed me of not being good wife. IT ended up being a he kept a log of every little thing I did wrong...see, rationally I think divorce is the best thing. But then emotionally I feel......why he did not love me enough! I had proposed counselling but he did not want to go....and on the contrary he said after divorce he will go...so I feel I nagged but truth is he did not want to BUILD LIFE! I dont know I will go to counselling, probably this will be best...
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 ..(I dont have those issues but he was being sponsored by me) was he from another country?
Author princess75 Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Yes, he was from another country...I didnt think he was with me for papers, but whole outcome seems that is where he REALLY standed.
Author princess75 Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Yes, he was from another country...I didnt think he was with me for papers, but whole outcome seems that is where he REALLY standed.
Lizzie60 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Yes, he was from another country...I didnt think he was with me for papers, but whole outcome seems that is where he REALLY standed. which country... Cuba? I know Cubans are bad for that... I know sooo many women who were 'lured' to marriage just for the 'papers'... That doesn't surprise me at all.
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