Tomcat33 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Yes, as have I. My H was not my first relationship and apparently not my last either given what happened. As a clinger who incidentally got involved with another clinger, I can tell you 'we' tend to operate on this 'the devil that you know' operandi. Paralyzed of what change will bring. Incidentally, I think that we are both 'clingers' is why he and I stayed friends for so long after too. WWS you are most def. not alone! I think we are all clingers at one point or another, but once you have overstayed your welcome in a rel that was long overdue to be terminated you learn the lesson and I think it stays with you for life. But paralisis from change and fear of the unknown can follow you until your last days if you let it.
Blind Illusion Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Day to day Verbal abuse. This would be my EXACT situation. I realize that someone cannot meet all another's needs, etc but when one person is constantly being critical, and along comes soemone who isn't, it really isn't the biggest surprise that one is attracted to another.
bish Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I am asking just to find out what motivates a wife to cheat? Why do some wives find it necessary to step outside of their marriage? How long were you married before you started looking around. Was it for sexual gratification or something else? I hope this does not become a thread bashing woman who have cheated or or thinking about cheating. I would like to get some honest replies. Well after figuring out that question, the next question to be asked is, how long would it be before the front door is hitting her in the ass on her way out?
cah81461 Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I was faithful for 20 years, then cheated on my husband. Why did I do it? Because I lost something after all those years. As my ex-husband put it when I asked for a divorce, he said "you were my rock" I got tired of being his rock, I wanted to be desired and appreciated. I wanted to have sex with someone who didn't reek of beer (his drinking was always a problem for me, notice I didn't say a problem for him, because he always thought I was wrong for having a problem with his drinking). [FONT=Courier New][sIZE=5]www.lost.eu/5550d[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Courier New][/FONT]
Love is Tragic Posted June 24, 2007 Posted June 24, 2007 I am a MW and have been sexually and emotionally involved with MM for about 8 months and i suppose the various reasons i have are as follows: 1. The undeniable, overwhelming chemistry and connection i felt with MM. 2. The excitement over 'someone new' and completely different personality than my husband. 3.The flattery of being wanted that badly upped my self-esteem greatly, especially as a mother, its difficult to still feel sexy and desirable. My MM's attraction and attention was very much needed and made my self esteem go through the roof, all the compliments and kisses, and touches. 4. My basically extremely sexual nature. 5. The amount of time i spent with MM before any physical contact,i got to know him as a person, and he had certain personality traits that i wish my husband had made me even more attracted to him. 6. And lastly, it sounds bad-but... just because i could. Many people have affairs based on that reason alone.
Herzen Posted June 25, 2007 Posted June 25, 2007 I am a MW and have been sexually and emotionally involved with MM for about 8 months and i suppose the various reasons i have are as follows: 1. The undeniable, overwhelming chemistry and connection i felt with MM. 2. The excitement over 'someone new' and completely different personality than my husband. 3.The flattery of being wanted that badly upped my self-esteem greatly, especially as a mother, its difficult to still feel sexy and desirable. My MM's attraction and attention was very much needed and made my self esteem go through the roof, all the compliments and kisses, and touches. 4. My basically extremely sexual nature. 5. The amount of time i spent with MM before any physical contact,i got to know him as a person, and he had certain personality traits that i wish my husband had made me even more attracted to him. 6. And lastly, it sounds bad-but... just because i could. Many people have affairs based on that reason alone. I was a MM who had an affair--long concluded--and your reasons (especially 1-5) apply foursquare to my terminated love affair. My MW loved the attention, the very hot affair sex and me, and probably in that order, too. She's still with her husband so her marriage survived the affair. Good post.
silent_cadence Posted June 26, 2007 Posted June 26, 2007 I am asking just to find out what motivates a wife to cheat? Why do some wives find it necessary to step outside of their marriage? How long were you married before you started looking around. Was it for sexual gratification or something else? I hope this does not become a thread bashing woman who have cheated or or thinking about cheating. I would like to get some honest replies. For me, it was the feeling that I wasn't attractive nor did I feel like my husband desired me as he once did. Also, I'd asked him several times if I could work within the company he formed, and I was turned down several times. There was no affection, no attention, no sign that he even knew I existed. He just didn't listen to what I had to say. I think some mm's look for that in the women because they know that we are in a vunerable spot and are apt to make the wrong decisions, the decision to cheat.
bish Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 There are too many reasons to list however, one huge issue was that I found myself not attracted to my husband after he gained a signifcant amount of weight and wouldn't do anything about it. So I guess you never loved him in the first place then.
bish Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I am a MW and have been sexually and emotionally involved with MM for about 8 months and i suppose the various reasons i have are as follows: 1. The undeniable, overwhelming chemistry and connection i felt with MM. 2. The excitement over 'someone new' and completely different personality than my husband. 3.The flattery of being wanted that badly upped my self-esteem greatly, especially as a mother, its difficult to still feel sexy and desirable. My MM's attraction and attention was very much needed and made my self esteem go through the roof, all the compliments and kisses, and touches. 4. My basically extremely sexual nature. 5. The amount of time i spent with MM before any physical contact,i got to know him as a person, and he had certain personality traits that i wish my husband had made me even more attracted to him. 6. And lastly, it sounds bad-but... just because i could. Many people have affairs based on that reason alone. Oh now, that all can't be true at all. As too many people here will have everyone believe, it is your spouses fault you cheated. Not all the things you listed....come one...it HAD to be your husbands fault that you cheated. You are one of the rare people that cheat that don't put the blame on your spouse. You did it because you were fickle, which is my contention as to why people cheat. People can site examples and blame their spouses, but in the end, cheaters cheat because they want to....not because they were driven to it.
broknhearted Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I am asking just to find out what motivates a wife to cheat? Why do some wives find it necessary to step outside of their marriage? How long were you married before you started looking around. Was it for sexual gratification or something else? I hope this does not become a thread bashing woman who have cheated or or thinking about cheating. I would like to get some honest replies. well... first off i'm married here, 13 years. i was faithful the first 12 years. we fought a lot, had a rocky marriage period. i felt as though nothing i did was good enough for him. i had a baby then roughly 5 months later, the A started. my husband never helped me with the kids, housework or anything... i'd get frustrated because i work full time and have to still come home and wait on him hand and foot. not too mention, my husband is far from romantic and i'm a hopeless one, lol. I guess my affair was more of an emotional one to begin with. someone actually was attracted to me, and thoughtful, and showering me with attention and compliments. i felt my hubby didn't do any of that. about 6 months after the A started, hubby sensed i was different, so started doing all the sweet, thoughtful, romantic things again. but... i will say being in the A is mentally draining and i'm about to end it and i hope i never need that kind of spice in my life again, lol.
lost4ever Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 My H, he didn't get fat, he didn't ignore me, he didn't get drunk and hang out with buddies, he did everything you could ever dream about in a H; bought flowers, we had sex 2-3 times a week (not good sex, and I always say the only thing worse than no sex, is bad sex), He always made me feel pretty, He was a trophy Spouse. I fell out of love with his mind, you are asking this question so you can find out how to give your W everything, that is just not going to happen. I was not looking for an A, My H and I were seperated and I had a "moment" I fell in love with OM's mind, his mind is the sexiest thing ever, I feel challenged, unlike my H he doesn't say "oh sure hunny, you're so right, and so perfect. I met my H when I was young (not too young 23), during our M, I evolved, I grew, mentally, He was already where he wanted to be in life which was fine, when we first wed, and I didn't think about this when we first wed. I honestly believe the faliure in my M happened because we didn't grow together, He was right where he wanted to be, I was still working towards goals and dreams
milvushina Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 I am asking just to find out what motivates a wife to cheat? Why do some wives find it necessary to step outside of their marriage? How long were you married before you started looking around. Was it for sexual gratification or something else? I grew to detest my ex-h because he ridiculed me in public, tried to make me cry (home & public), picked fights and told friends, coworkers & bosses I was frigid and crappy in bed. Example: I started a new job and we went to have drinks w/ new coworkers. He was bored, so to see what they would do he told my coworkers: "You know she's had an abortion, right?" (I had one early in my relationship with ex-h). He was not normally that bad. Also, he was an alcoholic; depressed and would cry over much he wanted to have sex with other women (and men); spent all my money. He started being this way after about 1 year of marriage. I cheated after almost 3 years of marriage, 5 years living together I didn't do it as revenge, but the way my ex treated me really beat up my self esteem and sucked away all the joy of life and left me desperate for whatever fleeting happiness I could find without him. Also the way he acted gave me the impression that he hated me, and I didn't think he would be as upset as he was. He might not actually have been as upset as he acted, he likes attention. He got some of my friends against me, although most were more understanding. The person I cheated with was one of the coworkers who heard the abortion comment. We're married now and it's really great. But I still need therapy for anger and depression after 5 years with the ex-h.
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