Butterflying Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I recently experienced both situations. I was dumped by a friend who called me to say he didn't want to be friends anymore. The reason was that I don't call him enough and spend time with him enough. He lives in a different city which is about 4 hours away. I have stopped contacting him over the past few months. But it works both ways. He rarely calls me either. And he never visits. I was always driving out to see him. But I never complained because I'm satisfied with the relationship. On the other hand, I'd been dating this guy for 8 months. We had been having protected sex for the entire time. After 7 months, our relationship had gotten more committed and we had unprotected sex one night. The next day, we spent the day together. He seemed happy. But we didn't have sex. And then he stopped calling me. He didn't return my calls. We work at the same place. I didn't see him at work anymore. I get physical checkups all the time. I know I'm healthy. And after having unprotected sex with him, my health hasn't changed. So I believe he's healthy too. But I don't know if he's still alive because I haven't seen or heard from him in weeks. I'd like to see your opinons on which is better: being dumped or abandoned. Perhaps you can give me some pro and cons to help me decide how I feel. Right now, I'm just confused because I was happy with both relationships.
Star Gazer Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Um, I'd MUCH prefer to be broken-up with ("dumped" is such a negative term) than have the dude just ... disappear. It sucks to be broken up with for sure, but it's so much more humane! I have two guys in mind who I have the utmost respect for and am still very good friends with BECAUSE of the manner in which they ended our relationship. As far as I am concerned, the ending to a relationship should be given enough respect so as to honor what the two of you had together. Respect does not come through disappearing, or suddenly pulling a 180, or quitting the job you work at together unexpectedly, or leaving post-it notes, or deleting someone from MySpace without warning, or not showing up to pick you up at the airport, or whatnot (all of which I have experienced). Repect comes from communicating to the other person that you're not the right fit. When they disappear, it's a stab in the heart and you're left with an open wound that just can't heal. You're left wondering what you did wrong, if there's anything you can do to fix it, to change his mind, etc. But when you're sat down and given a concrete ending, it's so much easier to move on and KNOW that it's got nothing to do with you. I have NEVER disappeared on someone. But then again, I'm a communicator by nature. Talk, talk, talk. There should be a class on how to break-up with someone, I swear.
Krytellan Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 There should be a class on how to break-up with someone, I swear. Can we add a section on communication and parenting too? I would way prefer to be dumped. I don't deal well with uncertainties, and though dumping is painful, at least I know where it's at.
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