kymberann Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Really makes sense!! Well I haven't been here for awhile. You can check out my posts concerning my R with a MM. Anyway, it's been over a long time ago. Back in November. It was painful, but I am a much better person for it and basically over the situation YEAH Here is the update that just makes it all that much easier to let go. A friend of mine was out to breakfast with her husband and across the room from her was my XMM and his wife. My friend who knows the family alled me to tell me that she saw xmm. Unfortunatly he looed like he had aged 10 years. He and his wife were arguing about something and not looking "happy" like he normally did. My friend said he had gained some weight back and did not look as athletic as he did when we were together. We used to run and bike and were planninga marathon. THis all leads me to believe that he isn't doing the things we used to do anymore. I know his W was opposed to this. To me this makes me a bit sad, almost sorry for the guy, he had his chance to do what he told me he wold do, but he made his choice. I wish no ill will towards the guy, but remember all OW in the end MM get what they deserve and we get peace of mind! Best to you~
Tomcat33 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Maybe he is happier not being as "athletic". Some people don't enjoy that lifestyle and try to change for others. The looking rough bit ok...maybe he isn't doing so well. I had broken up from a significant rel. in my past and for Christmas a year after my best friend saw them shopping at the mall, he didn't recognize my friend and his g/f didn't know my friend. As my friend walked behind the couple she could hear them bickering and he was snapping at his gf telling her to stop moping and get the shopping done, and she snappend back and he was basically bullying her to hurry up walking ahead of her (very much what he would do to me). When my friend told me this I was so happy to hear that no matter who he was going to be with would remain his old self, his personality would not change no matter who was by his side....well this was 4 yrs ago, they are happily married now and I think she is expecting...Moral of the story is, though it may have appeared to be something from the outside it was actually not that bad from the inside and what makes some relationships work vs what doesn't, is the level of tollerance from both parts that is willing to be had in order to be with a person. I have this idea that we compromise things that we need from our mates comparable to what we get in return, the balance may not work for the next person but it could work for you. Maybe their balance works, and it's not necessarily their "just dessert" but looking at it from the outside it is misleading...
PoshPrincess Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Really makes sense!! Well I haven't been here for awhile. You can check out my posts concerning my R with a MM. Anyway, it's been over a long time ago. Back in November. It was painful, but I am a much better person for it and basically over the situation YEAH Here is the update that just makes it all that much easier to let go. A friend of mine was out to breakfast with her husband and across the room from her was my XMM and his wife. My friend who knows the family alled me to tell me that she saw xmm. Unfortunatly he looed like he had aged 10 years. He and his wife were arguing about something and not looking "happy" like he normally did. My friend said he had gained some weight back and did not look as athletic as he did when we were together. We used to run and bike and were planninga marathon. THis all leads me to believe that he isn't doing the things we used to do anymore. I know his W was opposed to this. To me this makes me a bit sad, almost sorry for the guy, he had his chance to do what he told me he wold do, but he made his choice. I wish no ill will towards the guy, but remember all OW in the end MM get what they deserve and we get peace of mind! Best to you~ Well, word on the street is that my exMM isn't too happy either. Trouble is, I am not sure whether that is good or bad. Maybe that's because I'm not over him, but it disappoints me to know that he is unhappy when he could be with me and be happy. Then again, there is a bit of (nasty) smug satisfaction in knowing that his W still isn't making him happy even though he kind of chose (or felt he had no choice) to be with her.
Freedom Now Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 My xMM has told me over and over in the last year and a half since we have broken up that everyone in his life is happy, except for himself. He said that he made the decision to stay to keep his wife and kids happy, but has sacrificed his own happiness. And I believe this to be true, for he still contacts me regularly. He says his is a walking dead man. And I saw him about six months ago....he has aged tremendously. Me? He told me I had never looked better.
whirlwinds_sister Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Ditto with 'mine'. He had gained weight and looked 'tired'. He told me "you look incredible" and I felt that way too. I think being dumped forces you to reevaluate yourself and this can have positive conclusions. Apparently the person who does the dumping doesn't always make the same self-evaluation and changes to improve their lives and so the same dysfunctional situation continues with no or little improvement. Sometimes I want to reach out to mine in a purely platonic way and slap him silly.
prfrogkisser Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Well i want to congratulate all you women who have taken a big chance.You have decided to leave the MM and start a new life. Its tough, but down the road you will come to realize its the best decision you have made:)
NoIDidn't Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 The appearances of your former MM only go to prove that the man has emotional issues that you hadn't noticed before. So what they were arguing. People argue all the time. That does not mean that they don't care about it each. In fact, it means the opposite. When a person cares enough to engage in conflict with you shows that they care. Now when they stop arguing with you, they have disengaged, and that is bad. Their appearance could be related to illness (mental or physical). One MM could have gotten injured trying to impress with his athletic prowess and can no longer do the things that kept him in such great shape. Why do you care if he's unhappy or not? If you are so far down the road to your healing over a doomed relationship anyway, it shouldn't even register. When I feel a familiar smug feeling coming over me in finding out how unhappy a past beau of mine is, it reminds me to look at myself and why I even feel the need to react. Gloating or being smug are sure signs of not being over the past, or just plain bitterness.
sb129 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I have no idea how my exMM is. He left his W for me, for all I know they could have got back together. I am very happy with my life and have no desire to know about him whatsoever. i am sure he hasn't dealt with his issues, but they are no longer my problem. Hurrah!
EnigmasMuse Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I'm the ex wife of a man who had cheated on me, with another woman. He chose her over me. I ended the marriage because I didn't need to be with someone who was a cheater. He got what he wanted, and then some. I saw him not long ago with his woman in the store, they both looked awful. They both had let themselves go. He approched me in the store, and tried to make small talk, and told me I looked nice. Then he bowed his head, and wanted to give me some pity story about his life. I thought Wah! Sorry, you chose your situation. So yes, sometimes people do get what they deserve. Him choosing her, over me, and me ending the marriage was the best thing for me. He is no longer my problem, and I no longer care if he looks good or bad, or if he is happy or sad.
whirlwinds_sister Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I'm the ex wife of a man who had cheated on me, with another woman. He chose her over me. I ended the marriage because I didn't need to be with someone who was a cheater. He got what he wanted, and then some. I saw him not long ago with his woman in the store, they both looked awful. They both had let themselves go. He approched me in the store, and tried to make small talk, and told me I looked nice. Then he bowed his head, and wanted to give me some pity story about his life. I thought Wah! Sorry, you chose your situation. So yes, sometimes people do get what they deserve. Him choosing her, over me, and me ending the marriage was the best thing for me. He is no longer my problem, and I no longer care if he looks good or bad, or if he is happy or sad. Then maybe what each of us is seeing is a person who is never happy or sure with their decisions no matter what that decision is and we should all be glad none of us ended up with someone who can't appreciate what they do have?
EnigmasMuse Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Then maybe what each of us is seeing is a person who is never happy or sure with their decisions no matter what that decision is and we should all be glad none of us ended up with someone who can't appreciate what they do have? I just know for me, I'm happy I ended a situation that I feel was not good for me. I can't help if he wasn't happy with me or with the person he chose. I tried to be the best I could be when I was with him.Maybe he will find happiness. Maybe if he is able to find some kind of happiness from inside himself, everything else will fall into place for him. I'm just speaking based on my situation though.
whirlwinds_sister Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I just know for me, I'm happy I ended a situation that I feel was not good for me. I can't help if he wasn't happy with me or with the person he chose. I tried to be the best I could be when I was with him.Maybe he will find happiness. Maybe if he is able to find some kind of happiness from inside himself, everything else will fall into place for him. I'm just speaking based on my situation though. Oh, EM, I was not discounting what you said. I absolutely believe that it is as you say and that's what I was eluding to--that the happiness really does need to start somewhere within or you get someone who is not happy with any situation they are in and it shows. I actually agree with you even if our perspective is from different angle.
Tomcat33 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Then maybe what each of us is seeing is a person who is never happy or sure with their decisions no matter what that decision is and we should all be glad none of us ended up with someone who can't appreciate what they do have? Couldn't agree more!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Him choosing her, over me, and me ending the marriage was the best thing for me. He is no longer my problem, and I no longer care if he looks good or bad, or if he is happy or sad. Now THATS when you know you've moved on and are over it!!! Good post EM!
shellys-trying Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 that the creator of this thread shouldn't worry about what the XMM looks like or feels, if she's indeed moved on. JMO
OpenBook Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Finally! Some positive endings. And living proof that Living Well really IS the best revenge. So this is what they mean when they say "Happiness has to come from within, not from another person..." I bet y'all are attracting men like MAGNETS.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 IMHO: I don't understand why people feel the need to jump on a bandwagon and place judgment on other people... This is Kymber's experience and how she feels about it...I say, "Good for you Kymber that you are dealing so well and moving on!" Wouldn't it be nice if the majority of people were supportive or encouraging for once? You're not still in it and that in and of itself is no small feat when you love someone, no matter WHAT anyone says...
Tomcat33 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 that the creator of this thread shouldn't worry about what the XMM looks like or feels, if she's indeed moved on. JMO You can be completely over someone, but there is always a little teeny tiny something that remains. We did love these people afterall so how could it not, seeing past lovers will always evoke something in us. I think the person who says I "saw and ex, and it didn't move me in any shape way or form" is not being completely honest. We could run into a store attendant from from the neighbourhood convenience store who has now moved out of town, and feel some sort of emotion (not romantic just an emotion) running into them, imagine a past lover....cmon!!
whirlwinds_sister Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 You can be completely over someone, but there is always a little teeny tiny something that remains. We did love these people afterall so how could it not, seeing past lovers will always evoke something in us. I think the person who says I "saw and ex, and it didn't move me in any shape way or form" is not being completely honest. We could run into a store attendant from from the neighbourhood convenience store who has now moved out of town, and feel some sort of emotion (not romantic just an emotion) running into them, imagine a past lover....cmon!! Agreed...if there was indeed such an intensity of emotion, there is at least some reaction, even if it is a tiny pang of regret or a quick flash of memory on a laugh together or disgust. Memories are powerful things that evoke emotion. You can't see someone you were so close to and not feel something, even if it's not a loving emotion;)
TogetherForever Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 You can be completely over someone, but there is always a little teeny tiny something that remains. We did love these people afterall so how could it not, seeing past lovers will always evoke something in us. I think the person who says I "saw and ex, and it didn't move me in any shape way or form" is not being completely honest. We could run into a store attendant from from the neighbourhood convenience store who has now moved out of town, and feel some sort of emotion (not romantic just an emotion) running into them, imagine a past lover....cmon!! Bumping into my exh --- PUKE!!!! That's completely honest too!!!!!!
frannie Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Agreed...if there was indeed such an intensity of emotion, there is at least some reaction, even if it is a tiny pang of regret or a quick flash of memory on a laugh together or disgust. Memories are powerful things that evoke emotion. You can't see someone you were so close to and not feel something, even if it's not a loving emotion;) Haha. Surely that completely depends on what the relationship was like? I am in contact with a few exes. I even live with one of them! There are a whole lot of different emotions you can feel for an ex. The one I live with is probably my best friend ever. The one after that..? If I saw him again I'd get creeped out. The one before the one I live with... he contacts me all the time to catch up with things... but I don't really want to meet up with him because he still feels it and I don't. There ARE no hard and fast rules about exes.
shellys-trying Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 IMHO: I don't understand why people feel the need to jump on a bandwagon and place judgment on other people...QUOTE] I don't necessarily think that anyone here is passing judgement. Just giving their opinion.
whirlwinds_sister Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Haha. Surely that completely depends on what the relationship was like? I am in contact with a few exes. I even live with one of them! There are a whole lot of different emotions you can feel for an ex. The one I live with is probably my best friend ever. The one after that..? If I saw him again I'd get creeped out. The one before the one I live with... he contacts me all the time to catch up with things... but I don't really want to meet up with him because he still feels it and I don't. There ARE no hard and fast rules about exes. Like I said, it might not be loving and happy emotions;)
Author kymberann Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 that the creator of this thread shouldn't worry about what the XMM looks like or feels, if she's indeed moved on. JMO This statement is truly is passing judgement! Not once did I say I was worried what the xmm looks like or feels. I haven't been waiting around to "see" xmm or hear what he has been up to. My post was simply to relate that when there is healing to be done, it happens with time. For me to be OK with the situation shows me that I have moved on and healed. There is no gloat in my original post. Considering the situation I was in and situations that are similar on this forum, I wanted to point out that there are consequences, some we choose, some happen naturally, some affected more or less than the next person. It is plain and simple. We all have different experiences to draw from, but criticizing everyone's own experiences surely won't help the matter! Thanks all for replying Best!
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