krittal67 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I need a little advice I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now and it seems to be going no where....I bought a house near his in February and now he is thinking of selling his house to his daughter and building on the same property for him self. This morning we were in a discussion that should his son-in-law get laid off he may have to let them go ahead and move in the house and he would build him an area above the garage. I said you would be welcome to stay with me if that happens...his reply really hurt my feelings he said "I'm not doing that I'm too independant just as you are" So to me that says I'm wasting my time with this him it is pretty clear that there is no chance or any kind of a future with him he likes me to be there but with no clear future just keep things as they are. He also could have said thanks but I don't think I'm ready for that, not that I would have liked that either. I'm a single mom and don't want to live the rest of my life without someone to share my life with. I don't want not to be with him because my daughter is pretty attached and don't want to hurt her, but I also don't want to be in a dead end relationship like a southbound train going nowhere!
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I said you would be welcome to stay with me if that happens...his reply really hurt my feelings he said "I'm not doing that I'm too independant just as you are" So to me that says I'm wasting my time with this him it is pretty clear that there is no chance or any kind of a future with him he likes me to be there but with no clear future just keep things as they are. I disagree, I don't think that's what he meant... I agree with him though this is the best type of relationship IMO, each our place... but if you're looking for a lifetime partner then it's time to move on.. he's not looking for that... you're not on the same page...
curiousnycgirl Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 While I agree with the other poster, I would first ask the questions you pose above to HIM. Ask what he meant - then if your read on the situation is correct - tell him that you two are looking for different things in life and you need to move on. I'm hoping I'm wrong - good luck
BonneKarma Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 interesting. It sounds to me like he's older than you, did he go through a messy divorce? My co-worker used to feel this way. Her kids are all grown up, she loved living on her own and being in charge of her own life after her marriage ended. The man she was getting serious with laid it on the line and told her if she was never going to be able to commit and live together - which is what he was looking for - that he'd regretfully have to move on. She told him she'd think about it for a couple months and he agreed. Over that time she realized that she'd be a fool to let this one go and that compromise isn't really such a bad thing. Inititally she moved in but kept her house for a while and rented it out... she's finally put her house on the market 8 months later. Things are going great! Tell your guy that while you've both grown accustomed to your independance, your ultimate goal is to find someone to make a committment with. Ask if he can think about that and let you know if it's something he's willing to work towards - maybe not immediately but within a reasonable amount of time. Give him some time to sort out how he feels, if he still feels the same way then move on.
Author krittal67 Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Yes, he is older than I but by just a few years. We are both in our early 40's. Yes, we both went through a nasty divorce....but I don't let that flow into this relationship. I think he thinks I'm more independant than I am, I guess I have never really said I don't like being alone or the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. I guess it is time for me to say something. I will tell him tonight that I was only trying to be nice when I said he could stay with me and would not mind if he wanted to, but the way he replied to me hurt my feelings. This conversation I think is a long time coming anyway. I will just have to decide if it is worth it to continue a relationship with him ~AS IS Model~ or move on and find someone that is willing to grow together. I have grown super close to his family and his grandson which will make things terrible if things are over.
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