Magnatolia Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Hi All, Being a guy I'm wondering what women expect in a conversation. Obviously there's very few guys that can talk like a lot of women can. I feel awkward if there's an extended silent pause, is that wrong? Any advice from a women? Thanks
katiebour Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Ask her questions- few things are more flattering than a man interested in a woman's favorite :laugh:topic- herself. Seriously, I once went on a date where the guy just asked question after question- what did I do, what did I think, what music did I like, jobs, relationships, etc. When I asked him a question, he'd answer it, talk for maybe less than 30 seconds, then turn the conversation back around to me. It was very flattering to think that he actually wanted to know that much about me. Not that you want to grill/interrogate her- let the conversation flow naturally, and don't talk about yourself for more than 2 minutes at a time. If she asks questions and genuinely seems interested, answer, but don't spend 10 minutes talking about your esoteric man hobbies. My b/f drives me nuts when he talks about guns for very long- I don't know much about 'em and most of the time don't really want to learn. The best thing is to really pay attention and watch for cues from her- if she likes to read, talk about books you've read. If she likes movies, ask her what kind she likes/favorite movies/has she seen such-and-such movie, etc. If she talks about the topic, wait until she's done and add your own viewpoint. It's best to talk about shared interests- take your cues from her. And yes, long silences can be awkward.
Author Magnatolia Posted June 12, 2007 Author Posted June 12, 2007 Thanks for that. Picking up on cues is something I'm trying to master as I usually unintentionally shut down a topic by not asking questions. An example would be if I asked what they got up to on the weekend, and they said they went out on Saturday night. I would quite often ask where, but that would be it. Yet I could ask how it was, if they had a good time etc. Although when someone told me they bought a car, I asked what type and how much it cost. They said it didn't cost too much and gave a light laugh. There's no rule about asking the cost of a car is there?
katiebour Posted June 12, 2007 Posted June 12, 2007 An example would be if I asked what they got up to on the weekend, and they said they went out on Saturday night. I would quite often ask where, but that would be it. Yet I could ask how it was, if they had a good time etc. When they mention the place, if you know it, you could say something like, "Oh, yeah, I've been there! I really like the lighting/music/atmosphere" (be specific, and don't make anything up) or you can say something like, "Oh yeah, I had the oddest/funniest/weirdest/best/worst experience there..." Relate it, and then move back to the questions. Chiming in with your own experience builds a common bond, and it's a great way to carry a conversation. Although when someone told me they bought a car, I asked what type and how much it cost. They said it didn't cost too much and gave a light laugh. There's no rule about asking the cost of a car is there? Usually if you want that kind of information, it's a quid pro quo- first you should mention why you want it (You're looking to buy a car, etc.) and then you might mention how much you paid for a similar item. People get uncomfortable answering any questions about their income, especially if there are unusual or embarrassing circumstances (Mommy and Daddy paid for a new Porche, they're deep in debt and yet they bought a new car, etc.) If I really needed to know about the price, I would say something like this: "Oh, you bought a new Prius? That's so cool! I love those hybrid cars. I was looking it up online and they say it costs about $22,000- how much did yours cost?" or "Oh, you bought a Toyota? What year? Oh, really, a '96? I just bought my '96 a few years back for about $2000- what did you pay for yours?"
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