VegasFan Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 ...before nagging the husband: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10536016
Woggle Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Settling is not a bad thing as she defines it. Many people look for some perfection that just does not exist outside of movies and fairy tales. Women need to realize that when they marry a man that is who he will probably be 10 years from now. You can't mold a man into what you want him to be and nagging will only cause him to withdrawl which will cause more frustration. Sure men can have annoying habits but it's not like women don't have their share of annoying habits that men put up with.
KittenMoon Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I think that article sounds nice. The author is accepting that it will not always be a perfect, fiery fairytale. She accepts her husband won't say "I love you" everyday, or always take out the trash w/o being asked, or give her random, unsolicited footrubs. It would be nicer if her husband read it, and tried to say "I love you" every other day at least, do an extra chore or two w/o being "nagged", and gave a random footrub or back massage once a week. What I'm saying is, if a man is lucky enough to have a woman who accepts things aren't always perfect, and will meet him halfway on the little things, he should make the effort to meet her halfway as well, and make the little efforts that will help carry them through the times that aren't perfect. And vice versa, of course.
Sobri821 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 She made a great point about being happy. I have always dreamed of the perfect guy, but I am not perfect thus should not expect others to be so. What I do not understand is why we women are putting up with men not doing the small things, like more kisses, and back rubs. Things that we do for them and would love them to do for us with out us having to ask. I am sure there are men out there whom wish their SO would give "unsolicited foot rub", or say "I love you" more. I dont want to be anti men. In my expreience, and only talking from my experience. I have notice that the same efforts I put in are not reciprocated. I am very happy and love the man I am with, but is it too much to ask for him to be considerate and do the small things that I do? Like the writer said, a small feat like putting the dishes away with out being asked. Why do we put up with it? Shouldnt there be a man movement where they try to be more conciderate of their women.
Woggle Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I do those small things for my woman but then again she doesn't put me down and give me the constant cold shoulder.
KittenMoon Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 What I do not understand is why we women are putting up with men not doing the small things, like more kisses, and back rubs. Things that we do for them and would love them to do for us with out us having to ask. I am sure there are men out there whom wish their SO would give "unsolicited foot rub", or say "I love you" more. I dont want to be anti men. In my expreience, and only talking from my experience. I have notice that the same efforts I put in are not reciprocated. I am very happy and love the man I am with, but is it too much to ask for him to be considerate and do the small things that I do? Like the writer said, a small feat like putting the dishes away with out being asked. Why do we put up with it? Shouldnt there be a man movement where they try to be more conciderate of their women. What I don't get is that men always seem BAFFLED when women feel unloved, or complain that they have to be a mind-reader to understand what women want. It's so easy: WOMEN WANT EFFORT!!! Effort put into these little things, an unsolicited backrub, a random "I love you", an extra chore done when she looks tired, a surprise on her b-day or V-day. It's simply a matter of little proofs to remind someone (not just a woman) that they are loved and wanted. I think its naturally more in a woman's nature to do these things, but men take note- the little things go a LONG way. It's as simple as that.
Author VegasFan Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 What I don't get is that men always seem BAFFLED when women feel unloved, or complain that they have to be a mind-reader to understand what women want. It's so easy: WOMEN WANT EFFORT!!! Effort put into these little things, an unsolicited backrub, a random "I love you", an extra chore done when she looks tired, a surprise on her b-day or V-day. It's simply a matter of little proofs to remind someone (not just a woman) that they are loved and wanted. I think its naturally more in a woman's nature to do these things, but men take note- the little things go a LONG way. It's as simple as that. Well it's not quite that simple, because even if you try to do those things, for some women it's never enough. I feel like I do a lot without being asked: I dress my kids every morning, take them to school, and bathe them at night; plus other things. Yet my wife constantly harps on me about how I don't help her with the kids. I know for a fact that I do more than most of the other husbands/fathers that we know, but my wife still gripes at me that I do nothing. ...nagging will only cause him to withdrawl which will cause more frustration. Exactly. Well said Woggle.
Krytellan Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Well it's not quite that simple, because even if you try to do those things, for some women it's never enough. I feel like I do a lot without being asked: I dress my kids every morning, take them to school, and bathe them at night; plus other things. Yet my wife constantly harps on me about how I don't help her with the kids. I know for a fact that I do more than most of the other husbands/fathers that we know, but my wife still gripes at me that I do nothing. There is definitely truth to this. In my marriage, I cooked, cleaned, and paid bills while my wife couldn't be bothered to "be ready to leave when I get home in 3 hours" and I was the loser. This is merely a reflection of the woman that we deep down know exists yet refuse to accept it. When we choose to marry this woman, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
Author VegasFan Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 There is definitely truth to this. In my marriage, I cooked, cleaned, and paid bills while my wife couldn't be bothered to "be ready to leave when I get home in 3 hours" and I was the loser. This is merely a reflection of the woman that we deep down know exists yet refuse to accept it. When we choose to marry this woman, we have no one to blame but ourselves. I think the reason that there are more and more women like this around today is because a lot of women today have a sense of entitlement that they deserve everything. It's part of our toxic culture today.
Woggle Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 With some women you can walk on water and give them the world and they will be mad at you because you can't walk on air and also give them another planet. Some women are just unpleasable but these types usually show their signs before marriage so watch out for them.
KittenMoon Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 With some women you can walk on water and give them the world and they will be mad at you because you can't walk on air and also give them another planet. Some women are just unpleasable but these types usually show their signs before marriage so watch out for them. Well said, Woggle. These chicks are the equivalent of the woman's "bad boy"- guys seem to chase them like they're coated in gold, then are baffled to find out how awful they are, despite all the signs being there.
LoveLace Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I'm trying to think of the word for this article...relieving? I'm 30 and single, with all kinds of pressure between mom and the biological clock, to get the family ball rolling. And all my married friends sit around and complain about how unhappy they are and how they wish they were me. And just like the article says -- none of my friends' husbands are Mr. Romantics, nor are they abusers. But they all have beautiful homes and children and fill their lives with family activities, etc....but somehow they think my life is better than theirs, because I have the freedom to do what I want? Yea ok--rejection over and over again is so much better than having that one person to come home to everyday, lemmee tell ya. I don't even have the energy or time it takes to really get to know someone new anymore -- it feels like a chore now, to go out on a date or even talk on the phone. Wondering why no one ever falls in love with me, yea that's better than knowing you have 1 person sticking by you forever..ok!! I wonder if my girl friends would get offened if I show them this article! Cuz it would be me arguing with them about single VS. married, again! But the article somehow takes a weight off my shoulders...my friends are always complimenting the fact that I'm "being picky" and "not settling". It feels as though people expect me to find Mr. Right based on above-average standards. I feel like if I don't end up with a wealthy Dr. who is tall, dark, and handsome, that everyone will think "I could do better" otherwise;that anything less would not be "good enough" for me. A breath of fresh air - that's the word I was trying to think of for the article!! Now I'll know how to back myself up if I end up Mr. Good Enough, instead of Mr. Right.
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