Author D-Lish Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Hi everyone. To answer your question riddler.... yes, I do choose to date men I know are bad for me.... I do it on purpose. My ex husband was a great guy... a nice guy... and he still broke my heart in the end. So I guess I have had trouble trusting since then. So I choose those men that I know won't last because I am not feeling capable of dealing with a healthy relationship. It also has to do with how I feel about myself. I'm not at my best- so I don't feel worthy of a good man. It's like I purposely deny myself happiness. And yes, there is a challenge involved in taming a player. Perhaps in some sick way, it's like I think that taming a player will replenish my lack of confidence. I think Kamille hit the nail on the head in saying that maybe it't time to take a break and just learn to be happy on my own.
johan Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 ... So I choose those men that I know won't last because I am not feeling capable of dealing with a healthy relationship. I don't understand this. How could you not be capable of that? I would think it would be the easiest thing in the world to be in a good relationship. Bad relationships are the difficult ones to deal with.
Author D-Lish Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 I don't understand this. How could you not be capable of that? I would think it would be the easiest thing in the world to be in a good relationship. Bad relationships are the difficult ones to deal with. It's quite simple and sad actually... healthy relationships go deep... and going emotionally deep with someone opens up the possibility of being badly hurt. It's the potential for hurt I am avoiding.
lonelybird Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It's quite simple and sad actually... healthy relationships go deep... and going emotionally deep with someone opens up the possibility of being badly hurt. It's the potential for hurt I am avoiding. I understand this. It is like "fear to put all eggs into one basket". too risky and too painful if it fails. It also reflect that how much and heavy we put our dependency on a relationship with a man. So my strategy is "NOT put all eggs into one basket", don't get me wrong, I didn't mean "date multiple men", in my case, I mean "put most of eggs into the basket of God, and EXCHANGE eggs with the man you fall in love with". Even if it is a very healthy relationship, sometimes it hurts us. Even if he is a wonderful man, he still can hurt us. Before I put my whole happiness, whole hope into a relationship with a man, but now I put my hope into God, God is my rock. If relationship fails, I still can stand, and forgive and move on. And people sometimes have tendency of self-hatred, I don't know where it comes from. I guess some anger toward universe or even God, or anger toward self? so I think people should learn to love themselves, learn to know how God loves them unconditionally. Well, that's how I overcomed the self-hatred period. If a person love themselves unconditionally (no critisize, no blaming self constantly, if has guilty in heart, then get peace with God), she can easilly set the healthy boundaries. Fear is doing the trick here. Fear prevent you from having a healthy relationship. And you can break that pattern. I did, many others did, so can you. and surround youself with right people who have successful relationship, who is decent and honest, then after a while you will be comfortable with the "healthy things" and uncomfortable with the *bad guys* Just my two cents.
Pyro Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 It's quite simple and sad actually... healthy relationships go deep... and going emotionally deep with someone opens up the possibility of being badly hurt. It's the potential for hurt I am avoiding. If this is how you feel then yes I agree that not dating anyone right now and learning to be happy with yourself is the best idea. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that.
alphamale Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 And yes, there is a challenge involved in taming a player. Perhaps in some sick way, it's like I think that taming a player will replenish my lack of confidence. trying to "tame" a playa is an exercise in futility....trust me.
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