silktricks Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 It's now three years later. Today I was looking at pictures of my husband from 3 years ago, and realized the physical changes he has undergone. His beard 3 years ago was almost completely black. Now it's almost totally gray. His smile is the same, but is no longer shown to women other than myself. Where before he was ebullient and friendly to everyone, he now holds himself in reserve when around women, and only lets himself be truly friendly around men or couples. (And in case you think that's because of me, or just in my presence, you're wrong.) I was wondering if other FBS have noticed similar changes in their FWS?
Curmudgeon Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I was wondering if other FBS have noticed similar changes in their FWS? ...is that she's no longer my spouse. I divorced her. Other than that, the last time I saw her a few years ago she'd gained quite a bit of weight. Other than that, she didn't seem to have changed a bit.
Author silktricks Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 ...is that she's no longer my spouse. I divorced her. Other than that, the last time I saw her a few years ago she'd gained quite a bit of weight. Other than that, she didn't seem to have changed a bit.She never regretted her actions, though, did she?
Mr. Lucky Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I was wondering if other FBS have noticed similar changes in their FWS? Have you considered that perhaps you see him differently? His betrayal seems to have cost him a lot of the positive qualities ("young", "ebullient" "friendly") you previously saw in him Mr. Lucky
Curmudgeon Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 She never regretted her actions, though, did she? It was always, only and every my fault, and so it shall ever be! If she has any regrets at all it's not about me, per se. It's about the lifestyle I could now afford her if we were still together. The reality is that had we still been together all these years, it never would have been possible!
OpenBook Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Silk, what is YOUR reaction to these changes in your H that you've noticed? Do you think they're positive? And have you asked him about them? Do you know if he's happy? Just curious. I'm trying to discern what your intentions are in posting this thread.
smartgirl Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 The changes I noticed most occured during my H's affair. During the year, he lost weight (he was more aware of his body and she was a lot younger). That's pretty much where the positive ends. His hair turned gray dramatically fast over the year, he was tired all the time - fell asleep early on the couch and then had trouble sleeping and woke up too early, in any photos he has a slightly pained expression and he snapped at our children over the slightest thing. Since the A is over and as he has moved past some of the trauma, the progress of the graying stopped, he smiles a lot more and looks more relaxed, he can stay awake until bedtime and can sleep fine, he shows tolerance and compassion, again, for the children. He appears to be a happier man -- and he is. He became a monster during the A, unrecognizable even to himself. When he looks back on it, he realizes the bad mental state he was in. It showed.
Author silktricks Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 Silk, what is YOUR reaction to these changes in your H that you've noticed? Do you think they're positive? And have you asked him about them? Do you know if he's happy? Just curious. I'm trying to discern what your intentions are in posting this thread. I've asked. He says he's happy that we are together but sad that he created so much pain for me. Regarding the gray, she comes upon all, and I only wondered at the speed that it came upon him, the stress of dealing with my reactions. It makes me sad that his reaction to women has changed so radically, as he no longer trusts women at large. In fact there are only 2 that I know he trusts, his mom and me. I feel bad that I was so consumed with my own pain that I saw his pain at his betrayal so poorly. I wish I could help him retrieve some of his former innocence.
Author silktricks Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 The changes I noticed most occured during my H's affair. During the year, he lost weight (he was more aware of his body and she was a lot younger). That's pretty much where the positive ends. His hair turned gray dramatically fast over the year, he was tired all the time - fell asleep early on the couch and then had trouble sleeping and woke up too early, in any photos he has a slightly pained expression and he snapped at our children over the slightest thing. Since the A is over and as he has moved past some of the trauma, the progress of the graying stopped, he smiles a lot more and looks more relaxed, he can stay awake until bedtime and can sleep fine, he shows tolerance and compassion, again, for the children. He appears to be a happier man -- and he is. He became a monster during the A, unrecognizable even to himself. When he looks back on it, he realizes the bad mental state he was in. It showed. You have a good point here. In fact I was talking to my h about the picture, he pointed out that it was actually taken right before the a not after it. Maybe the dramatic graying was actually during that time, as I have no pictures immediately thereafter. My h also slept constantly during the a, and was unbelievably angry all the time. He seems very much at peace now, but as I said in the prior post, I feel bad about how much I was consumed in my own pain that I couldn't hardly see his pain. I guess I partly wondered if that was normal.
shellys-trying Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 He became a monster during the A, unrecognizable even to himself. When he looks back on it, he realizes the bad mental state he was in. It showed. I can so agree with this statement. My h was so unrecognizable it's scary. He looks back on himself then and he describes himself as a stranger. he didn't know who that person was before and during the A but he says that person doesn't exist anymore. I agree with him. He's more loving. He actually is a hugger now. Doesn't give me the silent treatment like he used to. He talks more. He even cries. He never used to cry. Where his looks are concerned, he has gained some weight but he doesn't think much of it other than that I'm a good cook. He sleeps better. He's more stress free (other than work related which is nil to nothing)and he gladly stays away from women. He doesn't trust women in general anymore.
OpenBook Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Whew! I'm glad it's only out of concern for him. I was afraid you were still mad at him. I hope the pain will soon be left firmly behind you both, and that you'll experience joy with each other once again. That and a little Grecian Formula will fix things right up!! if he's so inclined, anyway... Men tend to wear Gray a lot better than we do.
shellys-trying Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 My own H has auburn hair, so the grey hair thing didn't happen to him. I think I got the grey hair over the A.
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