sockpuppet Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I'm coming out of a 3-5 year string of long, painfully-ended relationships, and I just really want to have some fun. This means I want to be single for the most part, but I want to try out doing stuff with people without expecting any kind of committed relationship. This could include sex. I really don't want to hurt people though, and it seems like a lot of the time people assume you want more. What if you don't? Is it something that should be discussed before you have sex, or should you just go with the flow until they want to bring it up?
BonneKarma Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 You sound like a good person. Kudos. There is nothing wrong with discussing your intentions, or lack of intentions, with someone. It could mean you will occassionally be turned down for sex as a result, but my guess is that most people would prefer the honesty upfront and still have sex anyways! Chances are most women know deep down that a guy they 'just met at the bar' is not interested in a relationship, but it can be hurtful when someone plays 'the game' and asks for your number and doesn't call. I've never actually had that happen though (well just with random guys but not anyone I slept with). I've had 3 one night stands in my life - Two of them I never expected anything more and never asked for a phone number or anything. In the morning I said, "thanks I had fun. See ya" and didn't go for a kiss at the door or anything. Only once did I have a guy bring up the issue before actually having sex and I must say I respected him greatly for it.
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I'm coming out of a 3-5 year string of long, painfully-ended relationships, and I just really want to have some fun. This means I want to be single for the most part, but I want to try out doing stuff with people without expecting any kind of committed relationship. This could include sex. I really don't want to hurt people though, and it seems like a lot of the time people assume you want more. What if you don't? Is it something that should be discussed before you have sex, or should you just go with the flow until they want to bring it up? I'm with you on this one... SINGLE... FREE... FUN... NO COMMITMENT... I am very upfront about it with guys I meet. No commitment... just casual sex... I don't get attached... some I really like more than others but they're all great guys. Only one, at the moment, is deeply in love with me... I broke with him once because he scared the ***** out of me...when he said he would leave his family to move in with me....whooaaaa... no way... it was scary for a while... I talked him out of it. I went down south for 2 weeks, he cooled down... I told him I had a fling down there, so I guess he realized that he's better off with his family...I'm not for him. I can't be 'faithful'. So be clear about your expectations, then they can't say you were playing with their emotions... they know from the start so if they fall in love, it's their problem.
Author sockpuppet Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 I just don't want any more regrets, and many of my biggest regrets in the last few years has been being overly selfish...I can't be that kind of dick even if I try. I'm so un-used to the casual scene...I don't know how I'm supposed to or not supposed to act towards someone if I'm into them but don't necessarily want anything. All my relationships have pretty much fallen in my lap - the person's obviously wanted something with me and me with them so that awkward phase never became an issue.
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I've given myself for most of my life in 2 long-term common-law relationships... (for a total of 23 yrs)...but now I want to be totally selfish... It's totally all about me... if I don't get any 'benefits' from the relationships...then there's none... I am clear about what I want...they can say yes or no... there is no surprise.
BonneKarma Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 There's no 'right way' to be I don't think. Not that I would really know... but as in life, just be natural. You don't have to pretend to be a player, just be yourself. Read the vibes, if a girl wants you to get closer you'll know it. At some point ask when the last time was that she had a good makeout session... take it from there. When things get hot and heavy let her know you're not looking for a relationship with anyone and ask if she's cool with that. If she's not, at least you had a good time up until then! If she is... score!
Author sockpuppet Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 I've given myself for most of my life in 2 long-term common-law relationships... (for a total of 23 yrs)...but now I want to be totally selfish... It's totally all about me... if I don't get any 'benefits' from the relationships...then there's none... I am clear about what I want...they can say yes or no... there is no surprise. I'm a little in that mindset, but the difference is maybe just that I've been on the dealing end of a lot of bad ****, and I've spent my share of time being selfish. It's good to know there are other people at this age that are in the same place...seems like most people around me got all this out of their systems freshman year of college.
socialight Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 it's called "whoring around". If you think you can have sex with someone and not have a relationship, you are kidding yourself. If you can have sex with someone, and then look them in the eye at a later day, and have zero, I mean absolutely zero emotional response, it means you have serious psychotic issues, or you are just an intensely callous and cold person.
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 it's called "whoring around". If you think you can have sex with someone and not have a relationship, you are kidding yourself. If you can have sex with someone, and then look them in the eye at a later day, and have zero, I mean absolutely zero emotional response, it means you have serious psychotic issues, or you are just an intensely callous and cold person. or something... come on... I mean.. do you think every body on this planet who have sex are in a relationship... YOU ARE THE ONE KIDDING HIMSELF. You can call it anything you want... I call it casual sex... no commitment. To each our own.
DanielMadr Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 So you basically want to masturbate with the extra stimuli of strangers touch. Not very fullfiling. Just dont date them. Tell them "I want to have sex with you." Period. Make a safety net of FWBs. You hurt some but they will get ver it, just be straight.
BonneKarma Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 it's called "whoring around". If you think you can have sex with someone and not have a relationship, you are kidding yourself. If you can have sex with someone, and then look them in the eye at a later day, and have zero, I mean absolutely zero emotional response, it means you have serious psychotic issues, or you are just an intensely callous and cold person. Wow. I don't agree at all. For the few times it has happened it with me it doesn't mean that there is no emotional response at all, just that that wasn't the purpose behind the encounter. I'm secure enough to recognize that sometimes it is what it is, and be able to separate the two... 'I haven't had sex in a while and am not looking for a relationship, this could be fun!' That said, I've never had sex with someone that I wouldn't - under totally different circumstances - consider dating.
Author sockpuppet Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 I don't want sex without feelings, just without love. I'd rather avoid anything too exclusive that's all. It doesn't even have to include sex but I don't want to rule it out. You can have feelings for someone without a relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I don't want sex without feelings, just without love. I'd rather avoid anything too exclusive that's all. It doesn't even have to include sex but I don't want to rule it out. You can have feelings for someone without a relationship. sex without the relationship doesn't mean sex without the feelings This is exactly how I feel... and this is what I have right now... and I wouldn't change it for anything.... I love it... variety is the essence of life!!!! LOL
Recommended Posts