Tomcat33 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Well, if the H is fantasizing about another woman despite what he tells his BW then I guess he isn't being faithful is he? He's still a cheater. Why even create a problem where there is none, by coming up with terms of infidelity where no hard fast rules can be applied? ie. if he is thinking of her he is still cheating!?!? Ok you are married to someone but that doesn't give you full control of a person's mind, though I'm sure some people would love that. You are married but you are still two seperate entities with seperate minds and capacities to operate those minds as you see fit. As to the thinking of her, chances are he isn't, or was, or will, or has or might.....it goes on and on....you get the point. Point being it's 100% wasted energy to obsess over what goes on inside another human being's head because no one but the individual in question will ever know the truth, so there is really no worth in stressing over it. That's what trust is for, to put all our negative voices to rest. As for what we can expect from another person, their thougts are conveyed through their actions and those actions help solidify or destroy the trust. In this case it sounds like he is doing everything he can to solidify the trust, why ruin something good with wasted energy on something you have and will never have any control over?
shellys-trying Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Probably because when she did trust him 100% he was cheating on her and thinking about another woman. It's kinda hard to just up and not wonder if the man is still thinking about the tramp he skanked with before. I can't say as I blame the BW for thinking about what her WH is thinking about. I don't think she has anything to worry about, tho', from what she says.
Tomcat33 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Probably because when she did trust him 100% he was cheating on her and thinking about another woman. It's kinda hard to just up and not wonder if the man is still thinking about the tramp he skanked with before. I can't say as I blame the BW for thinking about what her WH is thinking about. I don't think she has anything to worry about, tho', from what she says. yes of course it's totally understandable that it would make her think this way, no one is denying that. But if she focuses too much on these types of thoughts, which it looks like she already is given the original post, it will do her more harm than good. My thought would be, be alert/cautious by all means, he did cheat afterall, but to focus so much on what he's thinking....a husband who never cheated could be thinking of other women all the time...we just have no control over that so why waste our energy on it? We do however have full control of how we choose to think because negative thoughts could potentially ruin something that is good.
mopar crazy Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 My H says the same thing! He tells me that he NEVER thinks about the OW's unless "I" bring it up. Idk...Sometimes I believe him and sometimes I don't..I guess the fact that he's with myself and our kids still married should say something...I believe that the OW's were used just as myself and our kids were... Mine does that too! I have the same feelings about it as you do b/c there is times where he does bring her up but it's always negative things. Of course he wont talk positively about her b/c he knows it'll just tick me off. I don't care if he brings her up, but then again WTH is he thinking about her? Negative or not, he must have been thinking about her to bring her up. I don't let it get to me though. I don't want to start any fights and besides I think we have came to the point in our M that he can feel he can bash her w/o me thinking "He still wants that bitch after all these years!" B/c I know that isn't true. If he really wanted her, he would of stayed w/ her. I don't think my H missed the xOW after he ended it. He worked w/ her on a daily basis but he never seemed depressed that it was over. In fact he seemed pretty happy. Every night we spoke on the phone (we were separated almost 100 miles apart) he was always happy, never down in the dumps.
smartgirl Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Mine does that too! I have the same feelings about it as you do b/c there is times where he does bring her up but it's always negative things. Of course he wont talk positively about her b/c he knows it'll just tick me off. I don't care if he brings her up, but then again WTH is he thinking about her? Negative or not, he must have been thinking about her to bring her up. I don't let it get to me though. I don't want to start any fights and besides I think we have came to the point in our M that he can feel he can bash her w/o me thinking "He still wants that bitch after all these years!" B/c I know that isn't true. If he really wanted her, he would of stayed w/ her. I don't think my H missed the xOW after he ended it. He worked w/ her on a daily basis but he never seemed depressed that it was over. In fact he seemed pretty happy. Every night we spoke on the phone (we were separated almost 100 miles apart) he was always happy, never down in the dumps. MC - I don't want to threadjack - but how have you dealt with him working with OW daily. My H works with OW and it makes me crazy. I wonder how he cannot be thinking of what they had together when she is there hovering over the desk they used to screw on. Can men really compartmentalize that much?
ridingthebulls Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 And you're positive he's not still seeing her??
shellys-trying Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 MC's H doesn't work with the skank he had an A with. They live miles apart from the whore. I don't think they even run into her anymore.
mopar crazy Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 MC - I don't want to threadjack - but how have you dealt with him working with OW daily. My H works with OW and it makes me crazy. I wonder how he cannot be thinking of what they had together when she is there hovering over the desk they used to screw on. Can men really compartmentalize that much? Thanks Shelly for clearing that up. sg, Shelly is right, H and xOW do not work together anymore. The bitch got him fired. He ended the A in late June and he was fired the first of Oct so they worked together 3 months. It was extremely hard knowing he was going into work everyday and seeing her, especially when they worked directly w/ each other. Every day he would call and tell me how she was acting or what she was saying on a personal level. Her attitude didn't change. She still flirted w/ him made little sexual comments. He finally had to IM her and tell her to stop, he was trying to work on his M and it really bothered me that they were still working together. He showed me a copy of their IM. H isn't the type of person to fake one up, he has better things to do w/ his time than that crap so I believe the IM's. I posted the IM's about two years ago. I'm sorry that you are dealing w/ the situation of them having to work together. I honestly don't know how long I could of put up w/ that w/o it destroying the M. Even if your H is on his best behavior it would still bother me b/c I wouldn't trust the OW.
silktricks Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 MC - I don't want to threadjack - but how have you dealt with him working with OW daily. My H works with OW and it makes me crazy. I wonder how he cannot be thinking of what they had together when she is there hovering over the desk they used to screw on. Can men really compartmentalize that much? Yeah, they really can compartmentalize that much. I've worked in the same group with two different MM and their OW's in the last few of years. (Both men eventually went back to their wives.) One of the wives, I think never knew about what was going on, the other one did. She told him he had to find a different job or it was over, but in all honesty, he didn't seem to have any real problem working around the woman after the A was over and before he found another job. He treated the OW pretty much like sh*t, though. Talked bad about her all the time, to everyone. I'd like to say that it taught her a lesson, but she's got a "thing" for married men apparently, as he sure wasn't the first for her - in fact, not even the first at work!! I doubt he'll be her last.
mopar crazy Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 Yeah, they really can compartmentalize that much. I've worked in the same group with two different MM and their OW's in the last few of years. (Both men eventually went back to their wives.) One of the wives, I think never knew about what was going on, the other one did. She told him he had to find a different job or it was over, but in all honesty, he didn't seem to have any real problem working around the woman after the A was over and before he found another job. He treated the OW pretty much like sh*t, though. Talked bad about her all the time, to everyone. I'd like to say that it taught her a lesson, but she's got a "thing" for married men apparently, as he sure wasn't the first for her - in fact, not even the first at work!! I doubt he'll be her last. Sounds like H's xOW. I know this wasn't her first A w/ a MM, she told me she had an A w/ a MM but they were separated but trying to work on their M. She became PG w/ her BF's baby shortly after the A ended. The BW drove past OW house. Ow was on her front porch and BW stopped and asked her if she was still going after her H. The OW pointed at her obvious pg stomach and said "Does it look like I'm going to continue w/ your H?" And then OW laughed. What a piece of work this one is. She said she can't go into a store w/o some W glaring at her like she was after their H. She laughed about it. This woman gets a kick out of flirting w/ MM and finding it funny when the W finds out and gets pissed.
shellys-trying Posted June 9, 2007 Posted June 9, 2007 MC, The whore you're talking about might end up in the ditch dead if she gets hold of the wrong MM one day. My H worked "around" the skank he had an A with for about 6 months. It was hell for me. I figured she would try something sooner or later in trying to get back with him. It happened when I confronted her 2 months after the A ended, at a local store. She went straight to work and told him about our convo and asked if anything I said was true. H of course said it all was, every bad thing I said about her. He backed me up. After that when she would bother him at work, I would call her house and basically gloat and tell her to leave him alone. It went on for a little while, until she confronted him again at work and asked him to call me. It'd been a few months after he dumped her and she knew, from his ignoring her at work not calling her to come over, that the A was dead to him. He had no interest in her after dday. So, when she asked him to call me, Dumbo H thought she wanted to apologise to me and he called me. I immediately knew what her deal was and told H to tell her to move on, she'd lost. She went into a speech to him telling him I needed to stop calling her house because of her kids. (this from a POS who'd had someone call my house to tell me about the A, and my daughter had answered the phone both calls, thus involving my kids in her crap)I told him to put her on and I let her have it. She threatened to beat me up and I said, Bring it on, blah, blah, and she hung up. H said she ran thru the cafeteria yelling like a idiot that if she got fired he would. Needless to say, H's supervisor didn't fire him. He knew what she was too. She'd been associated sexually with several guys there. She finally went to another shift(weeks later, she found out thru the work grapevine I was pregnant-LOL), then quit altogether when she couldn't find any other guys to screw on that shift. By the time she quit, she'd skanked with about 4 or 5 guys she worked with, including my H, and that was in the space of about a yr and a half employment at that place. No, don't trust the skank your H works with to keep her end of the deal. She'll try the "let's be friends", "you don't have to avoid me"(H's skank's reasoning after he dumped her) garbage. The thing with OWs is they don't like to be dumped or ignored. Sooner or later they let it be known, too, and they have no compunction to dragging the MM down with them, as is in Mopar Crazy's case. That was a sorry POS that did that to her H. He didn't deserve to lose his job.
Melissa277 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Well, if the H is fantasizing about another woman despite what he tells his BW then I guess he isn't being faithful is he? He's still a cheater. I think if the H is honest in every way he is telling the truth when his W asks him what he's thinking. LIke if he's thinking of the skank when he hears some cheesy song on the radio. Thank God the skank my H slept with liked that old crappy Conway Twitty garbage type music. Gag! I've never liked that crap and H doesn't like country anyway, so I guess that's one thing off my list. shelly, you crack me up!
mopar crazy Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 I know what you mean about the songs Shelly. H's xOW liked music that H and I don't like either.
shellys-trying Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 (Melissa277)shelly, you crack me up! Thank you! I'm here to hopefully make ya feel better, too. laughter is the best medicine, Melissa! mopar crazy -I know what you mean about the songs Shelly. H's xOW liked music that H and I don't like either. Conway Twitty? Ack! How do you even screw to that crap? It'd be a total turn off for me. Course we're talking about a 2 bit whore here in H's xOW. She must've liked listen to that song"Lying here beside her with Linda on my mind". Must've made her feel superior to me, the lowly W. She sure got one over on me.
mopar crazy Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 My grandmother liked to listen to Conway Twitty and I would think....ewww, this crap sucks! That kind of country music ppl listened to YEARS ago!
Melissa277 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 (Melissa277)shelly, you crack me up! Thank you! I'm here to hopefully make ya feel better, too. laughter is the best medicine, Melissa! mopar crazy -I know what you mean about the songs Shelly. H's xOW liked music that H and I don't like either. Conway Twitty? Ack! How do you even screw to that crap? It'd be a total turn off for me. Course we're talking about a 2 bit whore here in H's xOW. She must've liked listen to that song"Lying here beside her with Linda on my mind". Must've made her feel superior to me, the lowly W. She sure got one over on me. Okay, I'm sitting here by myself laughing out loud. Thanx, I really needed it! H and I are huge Hip Hop fans ... especially Eminem (God, he is so hot). Anyway, I would hate to think that H and OW were doing the nasty to Em. Oh, yeah, wait a minute, they were doing the nasty at work to fax machines, telephones and computers. My bad.
shellys-trying Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 LOL My dad too. That's how I remember the Linda song. That crap suits skank ho, tho'. If you saw her you'd agree. She looks like that lunatic astronaut woman who stalked her astronaut xBF's new girl. You know the one who wore a Depends all the way from Texas to Florida? Skank Ho has the look of her police mug shot. LOL
shellys-trying Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Okay, I'm sitting here by myself laughing out loud. Thanx, I really needed it! H and I are huge Hip Hop fans ... especially Eminem (God, he is so hot). Anyway, I would hate to think that H and OW were doing the nasty to Em. Oh, yeah, wait a minute, they were doing the nasty at work to fax machines, telephones and computers. My bad. Ya know, there's nothing funny about a spouse cheating, but it sure makes me feel better to show all skank ho's dumbness when I can. I mean, I don't make it up. It's fact. She was/is a hicktown country music listenin' bumpkin with frizzy hair and overalls to go with it. I've asked H how he was able to accept oral while listening to Mr. Twitty or Merle Haggard. (since that's basically all his visits consisted of) He said he just held a pillow over his face to drown it all out. Let's me know just how much fun he really was having over there. Wouldn't that just be the best kind of A to have? One where you spent that whole hour at the A partner's house with a pillow over your head. He'd have sh** himself if he'd smothered himself to unconsciousness. The idiot!
Melissa277 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 LOL My dad too. That's how I remember the Linda song. That crap suits skank ho, tho'. If you saw her you'd agree. She looks like that lunatic astronaut woman who stalked her astronaut xBF's new girl. You know the one who wore a Depends all the way from Texas to Florida? Skank Ho has the look of her police mug shot. LOL You know, no matter how fast I wanted to get somewhere, I would still schedule bathroom breaks. Depends are not a good look.
mopar crazy Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 LMAO!!! How humiliating! If my H, or any man for that matter, put a pillow over his face while I was performing oral I would of stopped right then and there. Didn't that make her feel humiliated to have him do that? Obviously not as she is a ho!
Melissa277 Posted June 10, 2007 Posted June 10, 2007 Ya know, there's nothing funny about a spouse cheating, but it sure makes me feel better to show all skank ho's dumbness when I can. I mean, I don't make it up. It's fact. She was/is a hicktown country music listenin' bumpkin with frizzy hair and overalls to go with it. I've asked H how he was able to accept oral while listening to Mr. Twitty or Merle Haggard. (since that's basically all his visits consisted of) He said he just held a pillow over his face to drown it all out. Let's me know just how much fun he really was having over there. Wouldn't that just be the best kind of A to have? One where you spent that whole hour at the A partner's house with a pillow over your head. He'd have sh** himself if he'd smothered himself to unconsciousness. The idiot! You're kidding, right? What the hell did she do when he had the pillow over his head? I mean, I know what she was doing, but she was okay with that? If so, that is just bizarre.
Lynna Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 You guys are great! It is wonderful we can all find ways to laugh about our situations. Definitely makes it easier! Why the heck did he bother to keep going back if he was having so much "fun" that he had to nearly smother himself???? People are very strange sometimes!
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 That, Lynna, is the 89 cent question! LOL 89 cents is the price of the bottle of Ski he bought the skank. The only thing he ever bought her. I guess he got his money's worth, huh? p/s: tho' seriously, I think he covered his face so he didn't have to look at her. Then he'd have to realize it wasn't me. He shouldn't have bothered. He said it was always dark in her bedroom anyway.
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