Just Visiting Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I am feeling stressed at the moment. Last week, I received a myspace message from a woman who was in a relationship with my bf about 5+years ago. She asked if my bf mentioned that she served court papers in regards to her 2 daughters. Apparently she is seeking custody and child support. He failed to mention that so we fought a bit and then later sat down and talked about it. He said the reason why he didn't tell me was because he wanted to handle it himself. He didn't think she would contact me. My bf told me about their relationship previously and how turbulent it was. He also mentioned that towards the end of their relationship, he was away for a month or so. Upon 2 weeks after his return, she informed him that she was pregnant. Because of that circumstance, there has been alot of questioning if the child is even his. He has been told by many people that it is not. Because of the doubt around him being the actual parent of the children, he is requesting DNA testing to confirm. I replied to her first message saying that this matter is between them and that I want to be kept out of it. She replied this morning and went on about how hard it is raising children by herself and that she had to learn that he was moving to Montreal via internet. Obviously she has been "cyberstalking" as I have a profile on hi5 where I mention my bf and Montreal. I did a quick search and found she just started a profile on that site. We know alot of the same people. I told my bf that I have been through this scenario in a previous relationship and it hurt and stressed me out alot. He was single for about 5 years before him and I met. Why couldn't she have done this then? All I can come up with is her feeling jealous about our relationship, and that we are very happy together. My bf left for the courthouse this morning to initiate a "No Contact" order. I don't have any children myself and starting to doubt if I want any now. I am angry and hurt that my boyfriend's past is trying to cause a rift. Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you handle it?
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I haven't experienced this type of behaviour from an ex but I do see it as a form of deliberate emotional blackmail for financial gain. She is getting to your b/f by leveraging off you. I would tell her to back off and also block her on myspace. I would also have one more serious discussion with your b/f about disclosure and your expectations for future.
justpassingthrough Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I second the disclosure and expectations suggestion. Your boyfriend had been single for five years before you became involved, no? And he and the ex are just now getting around to custody and support? Is that correct? I believe there's more to this than meets the eye. I really do.
Author Just Visiting Posted June 8, 2007 Author Posted June 8, 2007 Since posting, my bf and I have had a frank discussion. He does know the one child is his (apparently she looks like him) but he is requesting DNA testing as he firmly believes that he is not the father of her other daughter. He is fully prepared to provide child support for his daughter. When he tells me of the type of life he lived until 4 or 5 years ago, I am shocked. He led a violent and chaotic lifestyle until finally one day he realized that things needed to change. He went back to school, worked hard, dated casually, and quit getting into verbal and physical confrontations. I know that if I met him back then, I would not give him a second look. When we met last year, he was at peace with himself and his past. He was ready for a healthy relationship. I panicked when this woman began emailing and cyberstalking. My main fear was that she would drive a wedge between us. I was in a relationship before where an ex shared 2 children with a former partner. He eventually left me to get back with her. It took me almost 2 years to get over it. Luckily, my bf and I have both been through enough heartbreak and hard times to draw from those experiences and deal with what is going on today. I am relieved that we were able to talk openly. That is totally new for me. This is definitely a learning experience.
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