summer33 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I've been dating this wonderful guy for about 2 months, we see eachother about once or twice a week. I really like him a lot which ive told him and i think im getting stronger feelings for him now, i cant stop thinking about him... he also said that he likes me and loves spending time with me. but he has this problem of holding back, he has reservations because of the conflict inside him. i imagine hes been hurt in his previous relationship since he said he doesn't want me to get hurt/either of us to get hurt. i told him he has to let it go to which he said he did that last time and it didnt turn out good. my intuition tells me that he wants to be in a relationship but is scared of going further. oh and btw, ive been the one that initiates things most of the time, setting up dates etc. so i need to know how to help him break down the wall around him, get him to take a risk... should i give him time and not contact him for a while, or should i press on? any suggestions?
Author summer33 Posted June 6, 2007 Author Posted June 6, 2007 come on guys, no one has any advice for me?
garnet Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 summer, what I can't tell from your post is how sure you are that he is sincerely holding back because he's afraid of getting hurt, or if this is just your guess. You say your intuition tells you , but I'm not clear on how much he has actually told you. I would say the best thing to do would be to try to communicate with him more about it. However, if he is for some reason pulling away for other reasons, i.e. losing interest, trying to talk to him about it may actually push him away further. Sorry this isn't much help, but what you should do depends on how the guy is actually feeling, and I'm not sure of that.
Reckless Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Listen to what people say, they usually mean it. If this guy says he is afraid of hurting you he probably will (unintentionally), already his lack of drive is causing you angst. If he is afraid of entering into a relationship then he probably isn't a good candidate for being in one. Also listen to what they do, if despite you making it clear you want to be with him he takes no intiatives to be with you he probably doesn't want to be with you, or he doesn't want to be with you enough. I'd have said "give it time" but two months is more than enough time to know if you want to keep moving forward or not. Tell him you really want to have a relationship with him and are there if he feels the same and pull back a little to see if he picks up the phone and intiates more. Otherwise, shy or not shy, you will find yourself in a lop-sided relationship, doing all the pulling and eventually resenting him for it.
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