Would you end a relationship because of distance even if you really liked someone?

[ladybird]

Hello

 

I started seeing someone in October last year two weeks before they went to live in Italy for 14 months.

 

He seemed very very keen on me and I went out to see him in January for a weekend. This went really well and he was really upset to see me go.

but not long after this, communications started to trail off so I asked him if he was still interested in staying in touch, he told me that it was "too difficult" with him living in another country. (I have posted before about this and the possibility of us getting together again when he comes back - not looking too good for that now though!!.....)

 

.....I have now subsequently found out that he now has a girlfriend out there who is from Sweden (I think), but I am not sure whether she is from Sweden but based in England or travelling from Sweden. I do not know how long he has been seeing her but I'd hazard a guess that it was probably not too long after the weekend we had together.

 

I am wondering whether this relationship could be just a fling for the time they are in Italy and would end when he came back to England? (I know this is like asking how long is a piece of string but anyway..!!)

 

Seeing as he told me that our relationship was "too difficult" while he was away even though he is coming back to England, surely it would be a lot more "difficult" if he was to continue a relationship with someone in Sweden while he is in England?

 

I know it may simply be that he didn't care that much for me but that certainly isn't the impression that he gave me which is what is so confusing.

 

Has anyone else been through this or a similar situation? Have you seen someone else while you were away but got back together with someone you were seeing before, or vice versa?

 

Did you both decide to split and allow each other to see other people while one or the other was away but got back together on your return?

 

Any advice would be helpful thanks.

[quankanne]

to your initial question, "would you end a relationship ..." I'd say "no" if this was the guy you intended to marry. However, with the other information you've shared, I'd say maybe it's time to close the door on this romance, because he's not interested in settling down with you ... or anyone, from what it sounds like.

[DOA]

I had a friend who was in nearly the exact same situation as you. I'll never pretend to understand how she felt about this guy (2 week thing as well before they separated), but to me, as an outsider, I just could not fathom how she could have thought it would have worked out. To go the whole way within 2 weeks and think that you are crazy in love is mad to me. Ask yourself honestly, just HOW WELL do you know this dude?

 

If he gave u a bunch of reasons as to why he could not be with you, and then went off dating another chick almost immediately after he dumped you, despite what looks like a distance situation too, then I think you have your answer there as to whether or not what you had was what you hoped/believed it was (true love, "the one", soulmates, etc) or unfortunately one of those overseas/holiday flings (characterised by intense emotions, fast moving relationship and then lots of promises for the future without thinking it out clearly, and then a sudden loss of communication when things were going so well initially).

 

I hope I'm not sounding mean here, I just think that LDRs are tough enough as they are, and I hate seeing girls (and guys too for that matter) get hurt and hung up over people they soon come to realise they hardly knew in the end and still hold out hope and search for reasons why they didn't choose you.

 

It doesn't matter what the reasons are, there could be hundreds. What matters now is that he is in the past, he is moving on, and you should be doing the same.

 

Perhaps if you had spent some more time together, gotten to know each other better, things would have turned out differently...or could have turned out the same.

 

And to answer your question properly...I think with the majority of LDRs, yes, I would end a relationship even if I really liked someone (although I am currently in one), purely because it takes a LOT more than just to LIKE someone to put yourself through that kind of relationship. You've got to KNOW the person and be able to cope with yourself and honestly face up to the reality that more than likely, LDRs don't get happy endings.