Noos Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I'm not one to drink a lot and be laughing loudly at the top of my voice in a public space. Apparently, this reserve makes me shy and unapproachable. Why don't guys take a chance on women who stand back a bit? Do men hate introverted women? And by that i don't mean anti-social, I do mean introverted in the pyschological sense.
DanielMadr Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I'm not one to drink a lot and be laughing loudly at the top of my voice in a public space. Apparently, this reserve makes me shy and unapproachable. Why don't guys take a chance on women who stand back a bit? Do men hate introverted women? And by that i don't mean anti-social, I do mean introverted in the pyschological sense. Not easy to spot, tend to be very complicated, give no clues, have no initiative and their energy is very similar to 'always-victim' ones.
directx Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 to be 100% honest, I dread being rejected and would like to avoid it at all costs. I need at least a little bit of confirmation that the girl is interested. Otherwise, I am respecting her space and get the impression she wants to be alone or is taken.
DanielMadr Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 to be 100% honest, I dread being rejected and would like to avoid it at all costs. I need at least a little bit of confirmation that the girl is interested. Otherwise, I am respecting her space and get the impression she wants to be alone or is taken. thats sure way to hell, brother. Fears tend to complicate things. I think your ego gets more bruises by being "careful" than by rejection. Rejection hurts but only a little, when you dont cling to the outcome like possesed one.
monkey00 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I agree with the others, I used to have a thing for shy girls. Simply put they are too confusing/complicated because - you dont know what they're thinking, are they interested/not interested? or very good at hiding interest? Their body language says one thing, but their words say another. too much mixed signals . With that said and what directx said, it really hits the spot. But if she's shy in a good way that shows she's interested and is open to my advances, I wouldnt mind.
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I'm not one to drink a lot and be laughing loudly at the top of my voice in a public space. Apparently, this reserve makes me shy and unapproachable. Why don't guys take a chance on women who stand back a bit? Do men hate introverted women? And by that i don't mean anti-social, I do mean introverted in the pyschological sense. You don't have to be obnoxious in a public place, to be noticed. What gets you noticed is that you're having a good time and are relaxed enough to be yourself. If this means appearing a little reserved, there are men who enjoy the pursuit of someone a little less "all out there". Overall, the key words are relaxed, comfortable and confident.
tanbark813 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I don't have a problem with shy girls but sometimes when you don't know the person shy can come across as standoffish. To guys that don't know you, you might seem like you don't want to be approached. You don't have to be loud and obnoxious but do you smile often? I know, personally, I definitely won't approach a girl who's quiet and not smiling because it looks like she's in a bad mood and doesn't want to be bothered.
learning2luv Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I definitely prefer women who are on the quieter side. It is nice to exhibit a bit of class in todays society. Doesnt happen very often. So it may be a challenge to recognize the shy girls, but they are ones who I try and spot. You don't have to speaking at every moment to get noticed. In fact if you do, you may get noticed in the wrong way.
Trialbyfire Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Oh, one more thing. Never sit with your arms and legs crossed with the hopes of being noticed. It screams unavailable and unapproachable.
halfarock Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Whenever I first meet, or even just see a woman that interests me, typically, the first thing that happens is we make eyes with each other. Very shy girls won’t do this. By my nature I tend to be shy and introverted but at the same time I can be very sociable, in my own little way. If you’re shy and not looking back at people or smiling to acknowledge them people will just think that you aren’t interested. You’d be surprised how far just looking at someone, even if it’s just little glances, and a little smile will get you. It’s called flirting. After all attraction is IMO a two way street.
socialight Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 i think the biggest problem is that, especially in night clubs, bars, etc, shy girls don't make eye contact or do the other little things to invite attention. they just don't know how to flirt. Same thing with shy boys when girls are practically screaming at them to come hit on them and they just stand there staring at their shoes.
Curmudgeon Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Do men hate introverted women? And by that i don't mean anti-social, I do mean introverted in the pyschological sense. Almost sixteen years ago I met a woman who was less than outgoing; one might even say less than friendly. Around work she was commonly considered to be the epitomy of an "ice maiden." I'm a man. I also love a challenge. That woman has been my wife for almost 11 years and there's nothing "icey" about her. Their loss! I find "reserved" very appealing.
Star Gazer Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Do men hate introverted women? And by that i don't mean anti-social, I do mean introverted in the pyschological sense. You have to be careful here, because in a bar type atmosphere, the line between introverted and anti-social is blurred. Be careful with your body language, make eye contact, and smile... don't scowl at the women that ARE laughing at the top of their lungs.
BonneKarma Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I tend to be a little reserved and have even been told that I don't look approachable. This is generally said by men that I didn't want approaching me. I have learned to master the art of selective flirting. I personally don't like having a bunch of guys hit on me and I find trying to be the life of the party exhausting. What these guys are saying is absolutely true, a little eye contact goes such a long way. I've even taught a few of my super shy friends how to do this. When you notice a guy that you wouldn't mind talking to you change your energy directed towards him, your not an extrovert but that doesn't mean you're not a sexual goddess! You glance over, catch his eye... hold... smile softly as though you've shared a secret... then look back towards your friends. If he's interested he'll be flattered that such a shy girl sought him out and he'll try to catch your eye again. If he's not interested he may even move to the other side of the bar, but no harm done!
alphamale Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Do men hate introverted women? not at all....but you must at least try to meet men half way. its very hard for a man to approach a women who looks like she isn't having fun or doesn't want to be there.
D-Lish Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Have you ever noticed that the girl getting the most attention in public is neither the wall flower, nor the supermodel? It's usually the girl that exudes the most confidence. She makes eye contact, she smiles a lot, she appears to be having loads of fun.... which makes her desirable. Why? Because she has made herself approachable via her attitude. Wallflowers will rarely get noticed for a couple reasons. Shyness can be misconstrued as standoffishness... even bitchiness. Standing outside the moving crowd alienates you from even being noticed- no matter how attractive you are. A low cut top, or short skirt may step up the approachability.... but for the wrong reasons. Practice making eye contact and smiling. If you are out with people you are comfortable with- then let loose a little- with them.... because you are comfortable with them. Super hot chicks are often deemed unapproachable because their looks can intimidate men...well, and let's face it... piss off other women. (women are mean to other women). I would also suggest practicing talking to strangers outside the bar scene. Just mundane, idle chat, that is not designed to pick up a man- but is a vehicle to making you more practiced at talking to, and dealing with strangers. You can do this in a grocery store- make a comment to a cashier- tell a stranger you like her jeans, where did she get them? Those kinds of harmless interactions are safe- and they won't harm your ego in any way. But you can't sit in a corner with your head down not making eye contact and then feel slighted no one approaches you. They don't approach because they don't see you as being "open". It's nothing personal- so don't internalize it as a problem with yourself. You'd be amazed at what making eye contact and smiling all night will do for your approachability factor. But do practice first... anyway and everywhere you go. Even just a "hey, how are ya?" to a stranger you are standing in line with. It will get you ready for the bar/pub scene. But remember- bars and pubs are hard venues for anyone to meet someone meaningful. Perhaps you could try online dating- where you can get to know someone at cyber distance before having a meeting. These are all mere suggestions- a little insight I have learned in my own travels and experimentation. I'll give you an example. My best friend is super model hot. Me? I'm above average- but nothing compared to her. However. I talk to everyone- I laugh a lot and I smile like crazy and I crack jokes and make it appear like I am the life of the party. My Supermodel friend stands with her arms folded looking bored. Who do you think attracts more attention? Yep- I do. Think of going out like being on a stage- like acting, Play a part for one night where you are the smiley, fun friend. See what happens. Hope that helps. D
sweetie7 Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I definitely consider myself to be more reserved when I'm out at bars, etc. BUT there's a big difference between being reserved/not being crazy and looking bored and anti-social. I still smile, am talkative, act interested in other people, laugh, etc. However, I have a few friends who are extremely nice people but just look miserable when we're out..yawning, hand on chin, not smiling, etc. and not only do guys NOT go up to them, but it's makes it really difficult for me to be around them too. You don't have to be drunk and a party animal to get attention from guys. The guys who are giving attention to those crazy girls are not the kind of guys you want to be with. I think as long as you look happy sociable guys shouldn't have a problem coming up to you. And they'll probably be the nicer guys, too.
DanielMadr Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 Have you ever noticed that the girl getting the most attention in public is neither the wall flower, nor the supermodel? It's usually the girl that exudes the most confidence. She makes eye contact, she smiles a lot, she appears to be having loads of fun.... which makes her desirable. Why? Because she has made herself approachable via her attitude. Wallflowers will rarely get noticed for a couple reasons. Shyness can be misconstrued as standoffishness... even bitchiness. Standing outside the moving crowd alienates you from even being noticed- no matter how attractive you are. A low cut top, or short skirt may step up the approachability.... but for the wrong reasons. Practice making eye contact and smiling. If you are out with people you are comfortable with- then let loose a little- with them.... because you are comfortable with them. Super hot chicks are often deemed unapproachable because their looks can intimidate men...well, and let's face it... piss off other women. (women are mean to other women). I would also suggest practicing talking to strangers outside the bar scene. Just mundane, idle chat, that is not designed to pick up a man- but is a vehicle to making you more practiced at talking to, and dealing with strangers. You can do this in a grocery store- make a comment to a cashier- tell a stranger you like her jeans, where did she get them? Those kinds of harmless interactions are safe- and they won't harm your ego in any way. But you can't sit in a corner with your head down not making eye contact and then feel slighted no one approaches you. They don't approach because they don't see you as being "open". It's nothing personal- so don't internalize it as a problem with yourself. You'd be amazed at what making eye contact and smiling all night will do for your approachability factor. But do practice first... anyway and everywhere you go. Even just a "hey, how are ya?" to a stranger you are standing in line with. It will get you ready for the bar/pub scene. But remember- bars and pubs are hard venues for anyone to meet someone meaningful. Perhaps you could try online dating- where you can get to know someone at cyber distance before having a meeting. These are all mere suggestions- a little insight I have learned in my own travels and experimentation. I'll give you an example. My best friend is super model hot. Me? I'm above average- but nothing compared to her. However. I talk to everyone- I laugh a lot and I smile like crazy and I crack jokes and make it appear like I am the life of the party. My Supermodel friend stands with her arms folded looking bored. Who do you think attracts more attention? Yep- I do. Think of going out like being on a stage- like acting, Play a part for one night where you are the smiley, fun friend. See what happens. Hope that helps. D Excellent piece of advice D-Lish:)
D-Lish Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 I definitely consider myself to be more reserved when I'm out at bars, etc. BUT there's a big difference between being reserved/not being crazy and looking bored and anti-social. I still smile, am talkative, act interested in other people, laugh, etc. However, I have a few friends who are extremely nice people but just look miserable when we're out..yawning, hand on chin, not smiling, etc. and not only do guys NOT go up to them, but it's makes it really difficult for me to be around them too. You don't have to be drunk and a party animal to get attention from guys. The guys who are giving attention to those crazy girls are not the kind of guys you want to be with. I think as long as you look happy sociable guys shouldn't have a problem coming up to you. And they'll probably be the nicer guys, too. Give your friends a few shots of tequila prior to going out and "bingo" everybody's smiling and having a good time. They might not remember it the next day though.... lol
Kamille Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 Give your friends a few shots of tequila prior to going out and "bingo" everybody's smiling and having a good time. They might not remember it the next day though.... lol It's simply my opinion that a couple of shots of tequila IS the cure to most social anxieties. D, we should definitely find a way to hit the bars next time I'm in the GTA. Maybe I could go visit your hometown or some such thing.
scrybe74 Posted June 8, 2007 Posted June 8, 2007 When I'm in social settings like a party, bar, club or some sort of gathering women who laugh and smile and make eye contact with people other than their immediate friends are sending out good signals to approach them. These women will at least speak to you if you approach and tend to be nice about turning you away when not interested. Also women who occasionally break away from the "pack" are easier to approach. I don't know why women complain about men not approaching them when they are surrounded by 3-4 lady friends. Who wants 5 pairs of eyes staring at you when you're putting yourself out there? True...if you stroll up with 3-4 guy friends it makes it a little easier but not everyguy rolls around with 3-4 wingman to assist. When a woman is shy and quiet it think her body language sends out the wrong message. No decent guy wants to approach a woman who appears to want to be left alone. I've tried approaching women that look a little on the shy side and get either really mean/rude responses from them or it's just awkward. I pretty much give it up unless she's at least making a little eye contact with me.
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