your star Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Hi everyone, I have browsed the forums for awhile now. I hope sharing what I'm going through will help me. I was in a relationship with someone for 6 years. Of that 6 years, 1 year has been long distance since May 2006. We are seperated because his family is there, mine is here. I have gone to visit him 5 times in the past year. I made all the trips because he just couldn't. He has helped me financially pay to get there. The last month he has sort of felt like he hadn't accomplished everything he should have at his age. He decided to go back to school and I supported him 100%. All I asked was that we get to see each other every few mths. We had recently talked about me going this month (June). However he didn't know a good time for me to go. I reminded him I needed a date so I could take some off and he told me that he thought it was best if we hold off on everything. I of course was hurt but accepted it. He then started getting very snippy with me for no reason. I assumed it was the stress of work & school. Finally one day I asked what was wrong and he told me that he can't handle the pressure anymore and felt it was best if he lets me go. I was very hurt because I didn't want to give up on 6 yrs. He however did. A few days later I found out he has been talking to another girl. The girl actually doesn't live in the same state as him, he met her last yr when he was on vacation. They kept in touch but started talking more in May. I was devastated because I found out he also sent her flowers. He was doing all this while he told me other things about not being able to handle a relationship. 11 days ago I found this out and called him to confront him. I cried and told him all he had to do was tell me the truth. He swore he didn't want to be with her or anyone. But his actions didn't make sense to me. He then told me he had to go because he couldn't handle all this right now...and he disappeared. 11 days and I have heard nothing from him. I gave it a few days and when I didn't hear from him I called & text. How am I supposed to heal when he just up and left leaving me at my weakest point? Who does that?
norajane Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Who does that? Cowards, that's who. I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better. You deserve much better than this, especially from a bf of 6 years! At this point, I'd say it's best not to try to contact him. He's clearly got a bug up his ass of one kind or another, and can't bring himself to face you with it and discuss it like a MAN would. Lean on your friends and family for support now. Let him stew in his own idiocy.
Author your star Posted June 7, 2007 Author Posted June 7, 2007 I will do just that, let the guilt eat him alive while I take care of myself. he's very selfish. I won't lie the pain is very deep. as each day goes by I realize loving someone is also about being concerned for their well being, which he has zero concern for mine. thank you for replying norajane.
dropdeadlegs Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 I'm so sorry you are hurting. The way he has handled things was bad and unfair to you. Long distance relationships are harder and I don't think it would work for me, but after six years you deserved better than what you got. For me, totally feeling all the pain and not trying to pretend to be strong helps me to grieve and move on faster than many, even after marriages and kids. I give in to the pain nearly to the point of not functioning well, but it gets it out of my system and helps me to get past the pain. Take good care of yourself!
marlena Posted June 7, 2007 Posted June 7, 2007 "For me, totally feeling all the pain and not trying to pretend to be strong helps me to grieve and move on faster than many, even after marriages and kids. I give in to the pain nearly to the point of not functioning well, but it gets it out of my system and helps me to get past the pain". Hi, DDL, this is what happens to me too. Friends and family have recriminated me over it many times. I feel I have let them down again. People expect you to be strong. But what if you simply can't? We are not all made alike. To Op. I am so sorry. Yes, he was a coward about the whole thing but believe me even if he had told you to your face the pain would be the same. SIx years is a lon time and I know how you must feel right now- thinking it was all a waste. I wish I could alleviate your pain and mine and everybody else's in here but the sad thing is I can't. I guess we will have to just ride it out and hope one day we get better.
Author your star Posted June 11, 2007 Author Posted June 11, 2007 well, i did hear from him but it was short and cold..which was expected. no matter how much it hurts, i have to worry about myself.. it's hard to cope with the fact that 6 yrs is suddenly gone. i sort of feel lost now as though i'm living in a daze.
passionpeach Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I am sorry that you are going through this. From the looks of it, it seems that you do not have much of a choice but to start loving yourself and pay attention to your life and start moving on. He has his life to his own and it looks like he wants to prioritize himself at this moment. If you will push to fix whatever relationship you had in the past 6 years, it might just become a big factor of your pain considering that you will be wiling to keep it alive and he on the other hand just wants to move on. It will not be easy as it is already hard right now but you have to face the facts and start caring for your own welfare. Cry all you want as long as you feel it hurt you but do not dwell too much on the pain. Your wounds are not there to remind you of what pain you went through... Rather they are there to tell you how strong you are. Pick yourself up. You can do this.
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