PandorasBox Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I have some friends who are married, been married for almost 5 years now, no kids. They both work hard and have good decent jobs. Here's the thing, my friend tells me a few weeks ago, that her husband was thinking of buying a motorcycle. She doesn't have a problem with it. However, she did say she thought he should wait a bit because they needed to catch up on some bills first. I think thats understandable, and nothing wrong with that. A few days pass after he had asked her about what she thought of him getting a motorcycle. Reguardless of what she had said to him, he comes home with a brand new motorcycle. And of course it makes her mad. She tells me, it was pointless of him to even come to her, and ask her about the whole motorcycle thing, if he was going to completely ignore what she had said about paying off some bills first, if he was going to run out and get one anyway. I see her point. Anyway, she feels he just basically did what he wanted anyway, with no reguards to what she had orginally said. I spoke with her 2 days ago, and asked her about the motorcycle thing, and she says she hasn't spoke to her husband in almost 3 weeks. She said him getting the motorcycle, was the final straw for her. I understand her point of being mad, but I do think going 3 weeks without talking to each other, possibly calls for some counseling intervention. I know more about her than her husband, but from what I understand he can act like a child alot of times when not given his way. And from the looks for things by him getting a motorcycle even after asking her opinon, seems it does look that he is childish. But then again her not talking to him for 3 weeks seems childish as well. I guess my question is, if your spouse came to you, and asked you about maybe purchasing something, ( I mean come on, a motorcycle is more expensive than say a book ya might want), and you told your spouse you didn't mind if they got whatever it was they were wanting but not right now due to bills etc, or other things, would you go out and get it anyway? I do think that may have been a little disrespectful on his part.
quankanne Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I've done that before, and so has my husband. Ultimately, it boils down to good communication skills. did he agree to wait, or did she just assume that because it's what she suggested he'd go along with it? Sounds like the latter to me … and he may have justified his purchase with the fact that a bike will save money in the long run because it gets better fuel mileage than four-wheel vehicles. at this point, fuming at him for three weeks is self-defeating, no matter how wrong he may have been in making that purchase so soon when she wasn't in agreement on it – he doesn't see it as bad or wrong and she's just wasting good energy fuming about it. Not that her anger is unjustified ... just not making much of a point because he's already put it behind him and/or ignoring her anger. maybe the better thing to do is to sit him down and explain why she's pissed off with his ill-timed decision, then tell him that in the future, major purchases like this need to be in full agreement or they'll get themselves into economic hot water faster than either of them want.
Author PandorasBox Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 I've done that before, and so has my husband. Ultimately, it boils down to good communication skills. did he agree to wait, or did she just assume that because it's what she suggested he'd go along with it? Sounds like the latter to me … and he may have justified his purchase with the fact that a bike will save money in the long run because it gets better fuel mileage than four-wheel vehicles. at this point, fuming at him for three weeks is self-defeating, no matter how wrong he may have been in making that purchase so soon when she wasn't in agreement on it – he doesn't see it as bad or wrong and she's just wasting good energy fuming about it. Not that her anger is unjustified ... just not making much of a point because he's already put it behind him and/or ignoring her anger. maybe the better thing to do is to sit him down and explain why she's pissed off with his ill-timed decision, then tell him that in the future, major purchases like this need to be in full agreement or they'll get themselves into economic hot water faster than either of them want. Oh I agree. I hate to see this happening to them, but maybe this is their bump in the road, and I do hope they get it worked out. Bad thing is, she went out and bought herself a new digital camera. She told me she done it because he went and got him something. Of course her purchase was not near what his was, but I do think if the bills are more important, then maybe she shouldn't have done that. I highly doubt her buying a camera though bothered him, he got his purchase after all.
JackJack Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 IMO, they both sound a little childish and selfish with the way they handle things. Did you tell your friend maybe they need to work things out with a third party? Or is that not an option since she hasn't spoken to him in weeks? I think they are both in the wrong. Him for going out and getting one to begin with knowing the situation they were in money wise. And her for getting a camera, just because he got something, and for not speaking to him for weeks. Thats really poor commincation. If they don't get a handle on things now, with communication etc, then its possible its doomed to fail.
Topper Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 did he agree to wait, or did she just assume that because it's what she suggested he'd go along with it? Sounds like the latter to me … and he may have justified his purchase with the fact that a bike will save money in the long run because it gets better fuel mileage than four-wheel vehicles. QUOTE] Yeah I used that excuse when I bought my Motorcycle. It will save on gas. The truth is I have spent more on chrome, custom seats and those fun things then I would have in filling up a Hummer ever other day. ( kidding) OK You will save on gas at close to 50 mpg. With the bike when I run to The store to pick up milk ,eggs bread or even beer. I always seem to take the long way. By the way I never have more then one beer when I ride. Now to topic; They need to Talk more. But with my ex if she said wait to buy something I learned it was code for "I'm never going to say it's oK to buy it. I'll come up with another excuse the next time you the topic comes up." I have an addiction to ski gear. I learned to just buy stuff and tell her later. If I waited for her OK it would be years before I got new skis. The thing is i could buy a lot of gear whole sale and often could resell on ebay for a profit. How come nobody ask what kind of bike he bought? That is a very important element to this story you know.
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