LoveisPAIN07 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Well, first this is my story. Basically, I am young and the only experiences I've had with guys have been negative (aside from friendships). I don't think all guys are jerks or anything -- far from it. Anyway, I am going to have to go into my history, just to give you some examples. When I was younger, I was sexually abused for years and therefore, didn't date in high school because I was shy and scared. My freshman year of college, I got involved with this guy, J, whom didn't treat me very well. It was my first consensual experience with a guy and afterward he brought me and his friend outside for a cigarette, told his friend we had sex, and then tried to leave me locked out of the building as a joke. His roommate would console me about it, but then a month or so down the line he raped me at his frat house. I normally would never go into this much detail with people I don't know, but I really want to get this off my chest and since this is an anonymous forum, I don't feel that uncomfortable. Well, those experiences kept me from dating a lot during college. This past year, I finally met someone that I thought was really special. We knew each other for awhile so I thought I could trust him. He was the first guy that I really opened up to and the first guy that positively paid attention to me. He would call me, talk to me, and try to see me non-stop. He knew that I liked him. One night, we ended up hooking up and after that, I told him my feelings for him again and he said he felt the same way and continued the calling, talking, etc. Then on Valentines Day, he told me that he had a girlfriend and that he was visiting her in a week. Basically, I was completely heartbroken. We became friends again (because of my stupidity) and he continued to pay a lot of attention to me, but still strung me along and wanted to go out all the time. He would leave messages on my phone like, I have something to tell you, and I would think that he would tell me he broke up with his gf, but it was never that. He made really inappropriate comments to me a lot (I won't go into detail) and towards the end of our friendship would not have a conversation with me without saying something sexual. Everything was always on his time. I finally got tired of being treated like dirt, and told him I couldn't be friends with him anymore. I know this is different from your situations in a way but this situation has hurt me more than words can say. I finally started to trust someone and it blew up in my face. After he visited his girlfriend, he told me that she had broken his heart and tried to become friends with me again, but it was different. I sent a really stupid drunken e-mail that made me feel humiliated. It wasn't even that big of a deal but it was about how I wanted to talk again, this and that, etc. He stopped talking to me a lot. He asked me one night where I was going to be because he didn't want to run into me, and he showed up at the place where I said I would be. I later found out that he had begun to date this other girl. I felt like a complete idiot. Basically, I broke off all contact with him, stopped going to the place I used to go because he would be there, and deleted my MySpace. A few weeks later, I got really drunk and I think I might have contacted him but I have no idea. That still really gets to me because I don't know what happened. I left town without saying bye and I still have two of his things, albeit inexpensive. Again, I know in the grand scheme of things, this really isn't a big deal, but for me it represents a broken trust. I know that he might not understand why this hurt so much and is probably really irritated that I didn't give these things back. I just felt/feel really humiliated from the whole situation. I know I did a lot of stupid things in this situation which I regret. I am wondering if you think it would be wrong of me to wait until a year or so to contact him and tell him sorry about not giving these things back and if he gives me an address I will then send them. I know I probably should do that now, but I feel like I just want some time away from the humiliation of the situation. I have a lot of negative things going on in my life right now that I really don't want to hear hurtful words. Is it really wrong of me to wait that long to say sorry? I wonder what you think about this.
sb129 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I would just let it go. As you say, you have enough going on. If he really wanted his stuff back, he would have contacted you. Sorry to hear about your tough times. Chin up, keep posting.... Your day will come.
eric82 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him, not you. He cheated on his (ex)girlfriend and lied to/used you. When you found out, he brought you down more by playing with your emotions and stringing you along. Then he tried to further exploit your feelings by telling you she broke his heart, when really he did that to himself by cheating. His actions prove that he's an a**hole and cares only about himself. It's better for you to not have that kind of person in your life. Let it go. Like you said, you have enough going on. If he really needs the two things you have of his, he'll track you down.
Author LoveisPAIN07 Posted June 6, 2007 Author Posted June 6, 2007 Maybe I should just forget about it and move on. It's not that I have this aching desire to be friends...I have a conscience and I hate not knowing what exactly unfolded. I also don't like stealing from people. Partly why I feel bad is because after he apologized the second time, I said things were cool when really I never felt that way...but then I found out he was dating some other chic, and even though we were just friends, I feel like he was doing that while he was stringing me along too. I feel silly for not having said, let's not be friends at the end of it all and instead just dissapearing but...it's just that...my feelings are still really hurt and I also feel humiliated. I'm a really shy person, so I can be cowardly.
dgiirl Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I think you are addicted to the abuse. Leave him alone, he's bad news and you dont need him in your life. If you feel like you "stole" from him, then take the things you took and donate them to a charity. This way some good came out of it. As for the drunk typing, forget about it. We all do stupid things, but why make things worse by bringing it back to focus months later? All the reasons you've given are just excuses to get back in touch with him. Leave him alone and focus on yourself
Author LoveisPAIN07 Posted June 6, 2007 Author Posted June 6, 2007 Thank you, you're right. I'm just going to let this situation be. I'm like this a lot...too hard on myself for things that I guess other people would deem as not a big deal. Sometimes, I just feel so guilty for my actions, but I guess in this case, I don't have much to feel guilty about. Besides, I'm dating someone right now and this person treats me very well. I'm understanding what it's like to be treated in a respectable manner.
Recommended Posts