hrtbroken99 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 anyone here that has had there heart broken into pieces still coping and havent moved on (moved on meaning trying to make an attempt to date meet others) ? how long have you been trying to cope for? what have you done to try to forget the ex? I have been trying to forget for 6 months now and doing the NC routine and surrounding self with friends/family and keeping busy but I still break down and its hard...I have no desire to date or anything...have gone out with friends to get togethers/bars a few times and no one interests me...besides all those guys in those settings probably are looking for just a hook up only.. all I do is sit and think of my ex in those settings... ...how do people try to forget?? anyone here still coping and havent moved on?
Teacher's Pet Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 The best thing you can do while coping is to remember one simple fact: You WILL get over the person and move on. Sometimes, just knowing that in time, you WILL heal, is enough to get you on track. We all need something in life to look forward to, and looking forward to the day that your ex is a non-entity in your life is reason enough to fight on. Maybe right now it doesn't seem so simple, but it really is. KNOW that one day someone BETTER will come along, and KNOW that there are people out there who care about you, and you will already be 50% of the way to healing. 6 months after my breakup, I was still a mess. New Year's Eve (which was just slightly more than 6 months after my breakup) sucked. I was sitting in the doorway of a nice restaurant, drunk off my ass, crying to my best friend (who is on this site, by the way) about how much I was still hurting and it wouldn't go away..... The next day I made a resolution to work past all of those feelings, and I did it. Two weeks from today will be 1 year since my fiance left me... I've gone from the lowest depths of pain and depression to having met someone really sweet. Just a few days with her, and I started getting mad at myself for WASTING so much energy on thinking about a woman who never really loved me. The woman I'm with now... in 4 days, has shown me more affection and (dare I say) love than the woman I was ENGAGED to did in almost a year. You just have to be willing to fight through the darkness, but there really IS light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. We're ALL here for you, that much I promise you. -tP on the road to wellness.
AriaIncognito Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I can vouch for him as he was a drivoling mess that evening hehe but i can say that now that way because he's moved forward and found happiness. Even before he met her, he was doing much better than new years that's for sure. And he's right. We all need to just focus on the fact that someday, we will look back at all this and wonder why we spent so much time and energy on someone that doesn't matter. I'm hoping for that day to come for myself just as you are. You're doing the right things. Keeping busy and being NC is a great way to move forward, so keep it up. You'll eventually find the reason why this is all happening. So will I. Let's just hope it's sooner rather than later...
Teacher's Pet Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I can vouch for him as he was a drivoling mess Hey! I have a reputation to protect. -tP former slobbering fool. Now that slobber is just drool... :love:
kali420 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I'm in the same boat as you. Its been eight months. I was just getting over it at six months. I found out a few things and I was back down again. As far moving on, I wasn't really looking. I do want to move on though. To get my mind off of things, I'm taking a class at a community college. I'm just focusing on work. I did discover some reasons for why I was going through this. For the first time I opened up to my family and friends. I usually held it in. I did this for years and years. I feel so much better. So I got closer to my family. Closer than ever before. And I am also figuring out who my real friends are. I'm beginning to realize that this chic was just a season in my life. Someone responded to my thread. She was not the one for me. I was overanlyzing things....thinking about it too much, and that what was keeping me in a broken-hearted place.
Nell03 Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Hi, Sorry but I have been hanging around for the past 2 years for my ex to take notice of me. We remained the best of friends now (6 weeks ago)he has a new girlfriend and I am not allowed to contact him until he has had some time to do the courting thing with her. My suggestion is BREAK THE CONTACT. I hope you survive I know I will but it's hard. Keep strong and stay in contact with friends and family that can support you.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 anyone here that has had there heart broken into pieces still coping and havent moved on (moved on meaning trying to make an attempt to date meet others) ? how long have you been trying to cope for? what have you done to try to forget the ex? I have been trying to forget for 6 months now and doing the NC routine and surrounding self with friends/family and keeping busy but I still break down and its hard...I have no desire to date or anything...have gone out with friends to get togethers/bars a few times and no one interests me...besides all those guys in those settings probably are looking for just a hook up only.. all I do is sit and think of my ex in those settings... ...how do people try to forget?? anyone here still coping and havent moved on? It takes a long time. A really long time. In some ways, the hurt stays with you. But over time, this hurt will make you stronger and better than you were before. I can understand how you feel about going to places filled with couples. Sometimes it can sharpen that stab of loneliness. It took me about a year and half. Plus, certain things happened around that time, which made my "getting over" him easier. But when it did happen, it took just one day to get over it, really. So, it's not impossible. The real getting over takes just a minute. The rest of the time, you're preparing for it.
pelagicsands Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 It takes a long time. How long, exactly? A really long time. Thanks. Does it stop hurting, eventually? In some ways, the hurt stays with you. Right. I see. Maybe it gets a little easier to live with? Sometimes the pining seems like such a waste. But over time, this hurt will make you stronger and better than you were before. Hard to imagine me as more awesome than I already am. But I guess it's possible.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 How long, exactly? Thanks. Does it stop hurting, eventually? Right. I see. Maybe it gets a little easier to live with? Sometimes the pining seems like such a waste. Hard to imagine me as more awesome than I already am. But I guess it's possible. I'm amused, but I'm not amused, Pelagic. The pining away is a waste. But pine you do, till you reach that snap-point when you are over it. Somewhat like a disease, this getting-over thing. More like a virus - you have to build your own immunity against it. Of course, if you don't pine, then you birch, oak, and fir.
pelagicsands Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Of course, if you don't pine, then you birch, oak, and fir. It's sad when you get a woody, and don't know what to do with it... any more. I think you truly get over it when you can plant it somewhere else. For the love to grow - straight and true. Talking about this is so hard. You can try to suppress your feeling, but it just springs back.
KittenMoon Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 It takes a long time. A really long time. In some ways, the hurt stays with you. But over time, this hurt will make you stronger and better than you were before. I can understand how you feel about going to places filled with couples. Sometimes it can sharpen that stab of loneliness. It took me about a year and half. Plus, certain things happened around that time, which made my "getting over" him easier. But when it did happen, it took just one day to get over it, really. So, it's not impossible. The real getting over takes just a minute. The rest of the time, you're preparing for it. This is nice- I agree. It can take a long time. I'm at almost a year and a half (though my relationship had been rather longer), and the pain is still around. Sometimes it's there a lot, sometimes its there a little. I haven't dated or been interested in seeing anyone, but it hasn't slowed me down socially otherwise. In fact, my social life is far more expanded than it was. I think it can help to focus on the little steps, like making new friends and doing new things, instead of thinking about that BIG step of dating again. If you make a bunch of little steps, maybe eventually the big step of dating won't be so big.
polywog Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 hrtbroken, my ex broke up with me 5 months ago, and I am still coping, but not miserable. I've had chances to date, but I am not ready. I guess I'm still falling out of love, and coming to terms with the loss of my dreams. I'm giving myself time. Getting over someone has it's own pace, and the best we can do for ourselves is not to push it. We need to take it easy and be kind to ourselves, and think of it like recovering from an injury. The healing Will happen. You see it over and over here on LS. Take care, and don't worry - it will happen.
bbanks Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Well, I have been trying to cope for a few months now and I really did think that I was over it. We were "broken up" for a year but there was some issues involved and the whole time, in my mind, we were still together. I thought that once I was ready that she would be there waiting for me but she met someone else and now I sit..pining. I think back to last year when I went weeks at a time not talking to her and it didn't seem to matter, now its been two weeks and seems like an eternity. I would like to date again but I really lack self esteem at this point and I'm sure it really shows. During the year apart, I had several opportunities to date great women but since, in my head, we were together, I didn't. I know that when the time is right, the right person will enter my life but its almost like watching water boil..if you stare at it, it takes forever.
triplem Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 It's been six or seven months for me (I'm deliberately trying not to count). I'll be the first to admit that I'm still struggling but it's not all bad. The best analogy I can draw is that the pain is similar to the movements of the ocean (I know that sounds like the start to a bad self-help book, but I'll try to pull out of this snivel by explaining). Like the waves of the ocean the pain constantly rises and falls during the day. I hear a song that we shared, up comes the wave of pain... I meet up with a friend, and that wave rolls back out. At the same time, there is the less perceptible rise and fall of the tides. And though these "tidal" shifts in the pain are more subtle, they are much greater in scale. These tides of pain move almost invisibly over days and weeks. OK, you get the point. So let me tell you some of the good news. I find, and I think that you'll find, that the pain is at "high tide" less. Also, the high tides don't rise quite as high as they used to. If I search out that old "high tide" line I can see that I have made progress, slight though it may be. I'll bet you can say the same thing. I still get that heavy feeling in my chest. Some days I even walk around with it. But that's progress... The night I moved out of the house I shared with the ex I was incapacitated. My knees literally buckled and I fell to the floor of my new apartment, sobbing. When those first waves of pain rose I physically could not stand against their force. Now, it's just an ache in my chest. I'd bet you can say something similar. The other good news is that because the even the high tide line is lower, the waves themselves don't get quite as high. So yeah, I still feel pain, but I'm trying to be honest with myself about the cruelty my otherwise kind ex showed me. I'm trying to be honest that as much as I wish it weren't so, it's better to lose someone I loved than stay with someone who didn't love me. I'm trying to get a little angry instead of sad sometime. The hard work is paying off for me, and I bet it's working for you, too. It's just a little hard to tell when you still feel the water.
Lady Aurora Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I got hit really hard. At 6 or 7 months I was still struggling to make it through the day. It was over 2 years before I even found another man attractive. A big thing for me was when the X got married. That sort of gave me some closure. There was no fooling myself anymore that he might come back to me some day. I knew I was "over" it, but that didn't mean the pain was all gone. Even to this day (4 years later) I still get the pangs now and then when something reminds me of us. But, the big difference now is that I can feel it and acknowledge it and it doesn't affect my thinking or actions. I have moved on.
bovice xvx Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 i really need help! my girlfriend and i broke(of about two years on and off) about about a week or a week and a half ago and not even a week later she had a new boyfriend! and they seem quite serious. she broke up with me stating she felt we drifted apart and had two different out looks on life but not even 3 days before she was asking me to move in with her and her mother for school in the fall and summer. i don't understand how she could tell me she loved me one minute and then want to break up and get with someone else so quickly. i don't think she cheated on me, i would have heard about it, should i move on and give up hope? i know we are young but i tried to maintain a mature relationship with her and i would hope vice versa. is it a rebound? or what?? i told her that despite my strong feelings for her, i still want to be able to talk to her but she said not now and that she feels uncomfortable knowing i talking about our relationship. i don't know if it her way of dealing with the pain or if there just is no pain and she's completely over me and the idea of a relationship? she is not talking to me now. so please help
freckles73 Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 As Sheryl Crow sings in Home, "I'm going crazy...a little every day." In month it will be a year since he dumped me. And yet, as much as I have tried....God, how I have tried....I am not over him. There is barely a day, an hour, a minute, that goes by that he is not on my mind. I have lied to myself. Told myself that I am over him. Better off without him. But I am not. I lie to others. I tell them that I don't need him. I say that I don't want to date men. Which is true. I don't want to date a man unless it's him. But he's not coming back. Not ever. The other day I got an email from a girlfriend telling me that his profile is back up on Match. I pretended not to care. Told her I don't care. But I do. It's like a kick to the heart. And I sit here numb, yet in so much pain. The thought of his arms around another woman...gazing into her eyes that aren't mine....is pure torture. My friend knew this would upset me, and I think she told me because she blames my ex for my current state of mind regarding life and fun....which is non-existent. I have tried to distract myself with work. With anything. For awhile I was a little better. But then tragedy struck me again. I was being stalked by a man who lived in my building, but to whom I had no relationship. The guy even followed me to my office and I had him arrested twice for assaulting me. And the whole time this nightmare was going on, I was thinking, "Dammit ****, why aren't you here to protect me! Why did you have to leave me alone and vulnerable to scary men who want to hurt me?!" (Ironically, my ex lived two doors down. He is big and strong and could have protected me if he'd wanted to.) Then the worst thing happened, because of the stalking I lost my job. Luckily, I was able to move away, but now I am jobless and alone longing for him. In a couple of weeks I have to go to court to testify against my attacker. I have to do it alone. Without the protection of the man I love....while he is off galavanting and wining and dining new women. I'm crying so hard and %*#^* how I miss him.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I'm sorry you feel this way, Freckles. I was in the same boat not too long ago - ditched, jobless, completely alone, and coping with other stressful stuff. Not the best place to be in. You can cry all you want, but it won't undo what has been done. So cry your heart out today, and tomorrow, start looking for work. Forget what your ex could have done for you / should have done for you. You concentrate on what you can do for yourself. Trust me on on thing: Whatever happens, you won't die from this. Every day, make a plan - today, you will cook, take a walk, go to the coffee place, and watch XYZ show on TV. And start working as soon as you can. Have something to do each day, so you will want to wake up and do those things. I know, it's easier said than done, but you can at least try.
marlena Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Freckles, I wish I could do something or even say something that could ease your pain. If only I had the magic touch to make it all go away. Bear along and just take things a step at a time...give into your emotions and maybe if you cry enough one day the well will dry up! Yes, once I cried three months non stop and then one day, when I least expected it, not one tear could issue from my eyes. I was so emotionally spent. Sometimes I feel that anger helped me. If you can muster up that anger at someone who didn't deserve you love and abused it, it may help. But then again feelings of anger are often followed by feelings of longing and then anger again and so the vicious cycle goes on. Poeple deal with things in deifferent ways. I guess you have to find what works best for you. I realize I am not being much help. I too am suffering. Just wanted to let you know how much I sympathize with what you are going through. I'm really sorry about your job. Why were you sacked for having somebody stalk you? I don't understand. Hope you find a new job very soon. I know this won't help either but you are not alone.
Recommended Posts