HokeyReligions Posted January 27, 2003 Share Posted January 27, 2003 Where have all the good men gone? New book analyzes today’s single woman and her struggle to find a lifelong mate Jan. 24 — Today in America, there are three times as many women between 30 and 34 who have never married than there were in the 1970s, which helps explain the popularity of singleton books and movies like “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and TV shows like “Sex and the City.” So is it cool to be over 30, sexy, single and smart or are such women too smart for their own good? In her new book, author Barbara Dafoe Whitehead explores “Why There Are No Good Men Left.” She discusses the book on “Today.” http://www.msnbc.com/news/863467.asp Link to entire article above. It's interesting reading for both sexes. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 I'll say one thing..and I welcome comments and criticisms. I have encountered some women who seem to expect things out of a partner that are sometimes unrealistic. I have met some women in the last couple of years that seem to be looking for the 'hero'...that is a man who does something that is specific to his manhood, which, as the gender lines begin to grey, is becoming harder and harder. Back in the 50's, 60's and 70's, men were still fighting in conventional wars while nowadays the requirement for manpower in this setting has become a small component. Hence it is more difficult for men in modern times to stand out, and these women are finding it hard to meet men that they feel chemistry with. Also, there some others who demand that men have the same interests as them i.e cooking, the arts, classic novels whatever, and frown when a guy wants to engage in sports, games, and outdoor activities. While it doesn't bother me what their interests are because I like to learn and do things together with them, it seems to them to be very important that men have a knowledge of things they like from day one. I wonder if thats part of the problem.. OLiver Link to post Share on other sites
Author HokeyReligions Posted January 28, 2003 Author Share Posted January 28, 2003 The article touches on that. I thought the article title made it sound like men (as a whole) were not as good as men of the past, but I think it's women's expectations and requirements that are half of the equation. Men's expectations and requirements are the other half. I see so many people advise others to NOT compromise or settle for a guy (or girl) - the right one will come along. Well, I think that bit of advice is terrible and it's only the very tip top snowflake on the iceburg anyway. The easy answer (no matter how much heart break) is almost always going to be "break up" and find someone better. But I don't think that is always the right answer. People have to fight for a relationship/marriage, and picking the battles isn't any easier than finding the right compromises. We all have to make compromises - the key is knowing what to compromise on. It's not simple and it's not taught and its not always a clear-cut trade off. That's my opinion anyway and I've been with my husband for a couple of decades now and plan to be together for the rest of our lives. And yes, we do fight - but we've made our most important compromises and have no regrets, and we know what to do to reach the right compromises in the future. We learned this by having broken up a few times (before and after marriage) and getting the necessary tools and training via counseling. We still have to constantly work on keeping the marriage happy and healthy and we always will -- and it's worth it to both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
barry Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 I have seen a few women with this mentality. One even said she was waiting for her prince, this was while I was dating her. To all women who would pass up something good in hopes of something better: Godspeed to your prince, I hope you are not disappointed. In the meantime you may as well pull up a chair, with that attitude you may be waiting awhile. Barry Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 ... this is happening because it's easier now for women to be on their own, than before. They don't feel the pressure to necessarily get married, they don't feel the need to be married, so they don't get married! As for waiting for the "prince", that's true, to an extent. It takes a while to meet somebody you can build a long-term r/s with. I have a feeling that before, gals'd get married very young, without thinking much about if it can work out, long-term. Now that people get married when they're older, they give more thought to it, and as a result, sometimes choose to stay single. Anyway, just some thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 Thanks to lunch break I just read the excerpt from the book, and I must say it absolutely highlights what I have been seeing around me and experiencing with dating. I work in a University, so the women I deal with are mostly professional women who are the ambitious, career driven, and physically fit women described in the article. Women with all this going for them certainly are the 'newer age' and a result of womens rights to have the same opportunities as men. That certainly is a wonderful thing. But with all that new stature that they have comes what seems to be a natural 'pickiness' and these women are very protective about what they possess. I get the impression that some of these women feel it only take a certain type of man (a real man's man and a real woman's man at the same time) to be worthy of what they have to offer. They also appear to seek different things, focussing more on men who are worldly and knowledgeable, have an aggressive sex drive, and can make them laugh; rather than men who are relaxed, intimate, and introspective [and I am not hinting codepoendancy here, there are many men who are perfectly independant and posses these traits]. Its as if they have no time to relax and prefer to fly from stimulant to stimulant...and I wonder sometimes if that has something to do with the mindset that comes with a work mindset. I used to call it 'work mode' when I noticed the temperament change from intimate to much less so when I dated a woman during the working week. I'm certainly not being critical of women for being this way, I think it comes with the lifestyle changes, but as a man who seems to experience what I described above so often I have a desire to further understand what us men can do as well. Sometimes I think to myself: I'd rather just date a simpler woman who doesn't have so much on her mind because she is just more intimate and aware of me, and not what I am doing or what funny jokes I can recite. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Author HokeyReligions Posted January 28, 2003 Author Share Posted January 28, 2003 You bring up some good points Oliver. I work and my husband stays home (because of a disability) so I support the family. I AM very protective about what I have earned - not in the material sence, but in the sense of accomplishment and pride I take by looking around my life and knowing that I am capable of doing well, and allowed to do well, and that I AM doing well. If I were to venture into a new relationship (supposing I found myself single) the type of man I would look for is someone who would not be a threat to me and I might perceive a man who wants to "take care of me" as one who would smother or squash my abilities. If I don't work for a year or two I would not be able to stay current in technology and business trends and it would be more difficult to re-enter the job market. I might feel that I lost some of my self-respect. Therefore I might tend to "set my sights a little higher" and expect more from a man than is realistic. A man who doesn't already share most of my interests may be seen as a threat because I would have to adjust my priorities and/or spend so much time working on the relationship that my professional life would be compromised. I would have to weigh the compromises very carefully. I think as we get older this gets much more difficult. I'm pretty set in my ways, and I was pretty set in them when I was in my 30's too. Thanks for your post - it made me think aobut this a little more clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Piglet Posted January 31, 2003 Share Posted January 31, 2003 For me, I think part of the problem is that men are not allowed to be men and women are not allowed to be women. If a man is acting what his "normal" natural insticts are, we call him a chauvanist pig ( being nice to a woman, opening doors, paying the bill etc) if a woman wants to be just that, stay home and have children, enjoy cooking or any "woman" type thing. She is considered a loser by society for raising kids etc. I do not fall in that catagory btw, I am one of those athletic,sporty women who is looking for an old fashion man. I do not mind letting a man be just that, as long as he lets me be a girl:) I think we have a tendacy to go to far one way, men should not hink they are always in control, nor should women. We also need to realize that we are not always equal and there is nothing wrong with that. We are opposite sexes for a reason. God always has a plan and I beleive it was to balance us out. Men tend to be analytical, women emotional put us together and in theory we should do good heheheh key word THEORY. Anyhow that is just what I think. We have spent the last few decades trying to destroy our natural instincts..... Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Posted January 31, 2003 Board of Directors Share Posted January 31, 2003 Link to post Share on other sites
Beatnik Posted February 2, 2003 Share Posted February 2, 2003 The good men haven't gone anywhere, were right here were we've been. The fact is that the "handsome, athletic, successful" type of guy isn't always the nicest or most affectionate, and it gives guys in general a bad rap when they aren't because we're inadvertently thrust into the stereotype of the "Typical Man", whether we really fit or not. Finding the right guy, or even right woman is going to take some time. People rarely, if ever, get it right on the first try. Link to post Share on other sites
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