Question about cheating H and STD's

[outofdarkness]

I am interested in hearing some stories from BW's about how you all handled the whole STD issue regarding your CH's or excH's cheating. Also, I would love to have some feedback about how/if you all; BW's that is, handle broaching the subject of your CH using protection w/ YOU.

 

I was tested initially shortly after D day for everything and was just tested again today, almost three years after the fact, at my physician's suggestion. I don't have a problem w/ this, but was wondering if some things don't show up initially..I know about HIV and that it can take awhile for this to show on the test, but I was wondering about the others. I guess one has to take into consideration that the H might STILL be cheating, and that might be why my physician was so insistent about it. I don't know why I didn't ask these questions to her, except that I talking about it...It's embarrassing to think that people think you're such a dumb a b/c you are still with the CH..

 

Regarding the CH using protection with the W, I don't know about anyone else, but with me, my H got very defensive and irritable when I even attempted to bring up the subject. I know, I should insist, but it's really hard to do when you have trusted someone for your whole life. Guess it's part of still being in "The Twilight Zone"..

 

Anyway, I appreciate any feedback, but I beg of you all please no posts bashing me for staying w/ him. I know that people don't understand and don't agree w/ my decision, and I understand why..Also, I know that I made my bed so to speak, and now must lay in it..Thanks for reading this and taking the time to post, if you do...

[RecordProducer]

Anyway, I appreciate any feedback, but I beg of you all please no posts bashing me for staying w/ him.

Reading this made me so sad, I actually have tears in my eyes now. OK, I am sad because of other things, but the thought of a woman hurting like this just made me feel so sorry...

 

To answer your question, HIV and hepatitis B and C should show up in the tests during 3-6 months in most cases. Chlamydia and Herpes can be doormant for years (not showing symptoms), but testing will catch them immediately. Other STD's would show symptoms within a few days - weeks and they are not dangerous anyway. Isn't it "funny" how the bad ones are the wicked ones?

 

Living with someone you don't trust, even if you never caught him cheating, is far worse than living with someone who cheated on you, but you know you can trust him after that.

[outofdarkness]

Reading this made me so sad, I actually have tears in my eyes now. OK, I am sad because of other things, but the thought of a woman hurting like this just made me feel so sorry...

 

To answer your question, HIV and hepatitis B and C should show up in the tests during 3-6 months in most cases. Chlamydia and Herpes can be doormant for years (not showing symptoms), but testing will catch them immediately. Other STD's would show symptoms within a few days - weeks and they are not dangerous anyway. Isn't it "funny" how the bad ones are the wicked ones?

 

Living with someone you don't trust, even if you never caught him cheating, is far worse than living with someone who cheated on you, but you know you can trust him after that.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thread and replying...I really appreciated the info...I am scared of course, but trying to stay informed b/c this is important if I'm going to take care of myself. Do you or anyone else out there have anything to say about the whole protection thing..Yes, OW are welcome as long as you all can keep it on topic and respectful and non judgmental..Easier said then done, I know, but I really just need to hear other's stories/and or facts..Thanks again recordproducer!

[GreenEyedLady]

Anyway, I appreciate any feedback, but I beg of you all please no posts bashing me for staying w/ him. I know that people don't understand and don't agree w/ my decision, and I understand why..Also, I know that I made my bed so to speak, and now must lay in it..Thanks for reading this and taking the time to post, if you do...

 

There's no reason to bash you...you made your vows and you're upholding them...you are truly committed and that's hard to find these days...don't ever let anyone make you doubt yourself...you make your decisions and you're the one who lives with them...

 

(((HUGS)))

[Melovator]

I plan to keep getting tested on a regular basis as I know his aversion to condoms. He assures she's all clean but how the hell can I know? So get tested, keep getting tested.

[Frances]

Hy outofdarkness

 

I was wondering how you where. I had not not seen any of your postings lately.

 

Keep looking after yourself, its worth getting checked out now and then as it gives you peace of mind. If you do not know its broken you can not find out how to fix it.

 

Good luck.

[april sunshine]

If you are having any ongoing concerns, or even any anxiety re possible STD's I would suggest that you check with your doctor that the tests you initially had 'covered the spectrum'....often it is usual practice to test for 'common' STD's, without including a pathology request for less common viruses or infections. It would be extremely unlikely that you have been exposed to any of the less common STD's, as you would have generally experienced symptoms long before now, but it could be worthwhile to request extra tests for your peace of mind....your doctor will be able to talk with you about the extent of the initial investigations/testing you had.

 

Please don't feel embarrassed talking to your doctor about your concerns....generally, doctors have seen and heard it all, they are not interested in judging you....their interest is your physical health, and your emotional well-being.

 

Has your H had testing for STD's? I would assume that you have probably encouraged him to do so....but if not it is important that he also undergoes some testing.

 

It seems to me that you probably don't have too much to worry about with this issue...

 

All the best

[Ruby Tuesday]

I did not aquire an STD from the affair, but we can't forget about AIDS and the fact that this could have a profound effect us in the near future.

 

 

My husband believed his OW when she told him she had been with the same man from high school into her adulthood for eight years. Then she told him that she remarried right away to her husband, and that WS was the only person she had been sexually active with since her divorce many years before the affair. She was practically a virgin.

 

 

She has prooven she is quite capable of deceit and capable of having an affair, but this is completely overlooked by my FWS. The illusion that she is/was wonderful, and that she was just like me (because she emulated me in every way she could) severly clouded his better judgement.

 

Currently, the saint is whoring herself after his best friend.

 

 

I believe he used condoms in the beginning, he is really paranoid about germs and disease from people (he wont even allow me to let the kids go into McDonalds playland for fear of germs) but he became completely lax with his safe sex practices as he grew to trust her.

 

I had found condoms in his posession and had asked him about them. The count was off and it was the same brand he used in the past. Cheap Trojans. Cough. Cough. We hadn't used condoms since we dated many (many) years ago. The date on them was current. He said they belonged to his best friend. Really? How many people here (show of hands) hold condoms for their friends? Hmmm?

 

 

I was pregnant when the affair started. That means he not only put me at risk, he also put my baby at risk of being born with birth defects.

 

 

The only thing we caught from OW was headlice. We never had that problem in the past. WS said that OW said my daughter had them. He put me down like I was a bad mom who should have caught that.

 

I asked my daughter who she knew that also had head lice, she said the OW's daughter had head lice. So that's how OW knew my daughter had head lice. I had to spend two weeks fine combing my daughters hair twice a day. Washing her pillows and bedding and stuffed animals.

 

Remind me to thank xOW later.

[outofdarkness]

Thanks to you all for your helpful replies. Frances, I am fine...just have been busy w/ the new summer routine and trying to stay centered. I do pop in almost every day, if only to observe. I just don't post unless I feel I can really help someone...Otherwise, it's really counterproductive for me AND the poster wanting input.

 

I appreciate all of you all sharing your experiences re: std's. As I said, I did go yesterday and was tested...Results won't be back until next week at earliest...Don't think Ill post them all over LS...LOL., but I am hopeful that all is ok..As far as testing for other std's/infections that aren't that common, I think my M.D. has that covered as well...But I WILL ask her when I speak w/ her.

 

Re: Using protection. Thanks for the feedback about that as well. It really must seem crazy that I don't make him use s. As far as him getting tested as well, Yes, I did require that he be tested right after D day three years ago this summer. So, it's time for him to be tested again. I plan to have this discussion soon...He grumbled when I even mentioned it recently..That doesn't bother me in the least, I'll just tell him it's time to be tested again...If he doesn't want to use s, then I guess it'll be a regular thing...

 

Thanks again for all of your input..I'll be back on later to see what else you all have to say, it's been such a help to me...LS is my lifeline about stuff like this...and that means YOU ALL, since you all make up LS!!!

[quankanne]

ugh ... then there's always the lovely HPV (human papillomavirus), which usually doesn't cause symptoms but are latent. Meaning, symptoms sometimes don't pop up til many years after infection. Men, I believe can be "silent" carriers, while women carry AND some can have active symptoms.

 

the really fun part? That some strains of HPV are responsible for cervical cancer, or at the very least abnormal pap smears that signal a risk for cancer even when the abnormal cells are benign ...

[outofdarkness]

ugh ... then there's always the lovely HPV (human papillomavirus), which usually doesn't cause symptoms but are latent. Meaning, symptoms sometimes don't pop up til many years after infection. Men, I believe can be "silent" carriers, while women carry AND some can have active symptoms.

 

the really fun part? That some strains of HPV are responsible for cervical cancer, or at the very least abnormal pap smears that signal a risk for cancer even when the abnormal cells are benign ...

Yep. know about this as well..At least now...there's a vaccine for it..Some may choose not to get it, but at least it's there for the taking....

[Ruby Tuesday]

No matter what it is, good or bad, I want you to get retested again soon by another clinic for false positives.

 

And make sure that you send the bills directly to FWS to pay. lol.

 

In the meantime, dont panic. okay? Keep positive thoughts!

[outofdarkness]

No matter what it is, good or bad, I want you to get retested again soon by another clinic for false positives.

 

And make sure that you send the bills directly to FWS to pay. lol.

 

In the meantime, dont panic. okay? Keep positive thoughts!

Yep...will do. Thanks for the advice and support...

[dbtmarley]

Just so everyone is aware just because of condom usage you are not protected from ALL std's.

 

If you feel he or she is cheating, but the two of you use protection the just a regular std panel screen is sufficient. Testing every six months is advised by most clinics.

 

HIV is another story and one I am personally familiar with.

 

If you use condoms and do not have any condom failures (You will know when a condom breaks trust me) you are safe from HIV. If not you should try to test 8 weeks past exposer. The human antibodies to the HIV virus will usually show within 2-3 weeks after exposure. People with compromised immune systems (cancer patients etc.) will generally take longer.

 

Just wanted to share that.. hopefully it helps someone.

 

As far as the cheating spouse... I had a cheating ex.. She could not deny it either! I had a positive test to prove it:mad:

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for taking the time to read my thread and replying...I really appreciated the info...I am scared of course, but trying to stay informed b/c this is important if I'm going to take care of myself. Do you or anyone else out there have anything to say about the whole protection thing..Yes, OW are welcome as long as you all can keep it on topic and respectful and non judgmental..Easier said then done, I know, but I really just need to hear other's stories/and or facts..Thanks again recordproducer!

You're welcome. I answered your question about protection. I believe that a few months after you first sleep with someone, everything is about trust. Some people are more able to figure out who's sincere and some people are just more naive than others. But if you don't trust your husband to be faithful to you, my suggestion for protection is to not sleep with him at all. Not because of STD's but because I think it's humiliating for a woman to sleep with someone she doesn't trust, wondering if she is the only one. If I cought my husband cheating on me, I'd never let him touch me again. STD's should NOT be introduced as fears in a marriage. Howveer, if you're determined to stay married and work on the marriage, work on the trust first. If you want to use condoms, just be firm about it. Having sex with the fear of catching an STD is certainly not pleasant.

 

Yep. know about this as well..At least now...there's a vaccine for it..Some may choose not to get it, but at least it's there for the taking....

Vaccine for HPV? I didn't know that. I was found mild dysplasia on my cervix and the gyn said it's very possible that it's from HPV, because it usually is.

 

I could have gotten it from some previous partners, but it developed a year and a half after I first slept with my husband and I know that one of his ex had a dysplasia (Probably HPV, too). But since there's no infidelity involved on his part, this happened before me, and really 2/3 of the population has HPV, I don't want to blame my husband. It's really not his fault. If I wanted a perfectly clear partner, I should've married someone who had no women before me. After all, I might have gotten it from someone else. I wouldn't worry about HPV as an STD, unless you've been married for many years and developed it just now after he cheated.

 

Does the vaccine work if you already have HPV? I know there is vaccine for hapetitis B and C, but only if you're not infected yet.

[outofdarkness]

You're welcome. I answered your question about protection. I believe that a few months after you first sleep with someone, everything is about trust. Some people are more able to figure out who's sincere and some people are just more naive than others. But if you don't trust your husband to be faithful to you, my suggestion for protection is to not sleep with him at all. Not because of STD's but because I think it's humiliating for a woman to sleep with someone she doesn't trust, wondering if she is the only one. If I cought my husband cheating on me, I'd never let him touch me again. STD's should NOT be introduced as fears in a marriage. Howveer, if you're determined to stay married and work on the marriage, work on the trust first. If you want to use s, just be firm about it. Having with the fear of catching an STD is certainly not pleasant.

 

 

Vaccine for HPV? YES, the vaccine is called gardisil I think..Forgive me if I spelled it wrong. It is available now but only within a certain age group... I didn't know that. I was found mild dysplasia on my cervix and the gyn said it's very possible that it's from HPV, because it usually is.

 

I could have gotten it from some previous partners, but it developed a year and a half after I first slept with my husband and I know that one of his ex had a dysplasia (Probably HPV, too). But since there's no infidelity involved on his part, this happened before me, and really 2/3 of the population has HPV, I don't want to blame my husband. It's really not his fault. If I wanted a perfectly clear partner, I should've married someone who had no women before me. After all, I might have gotten it from someone else. I wouldn't worry about HPV as an STD, unless you've been married for many years and developed it just now after he cheated.

 

Does the vaccine work if you already have HPV? I know there is vaccine for hapetitis B and C, but only if you're not infected yet.

I don't know if the vaccine can prevent you from getting HPV again. You'd have to go online and google it...I don't have that specific info..It's been all over the news...The Governer of Texas mandated that all s between a certain age group have the vaccine,and some parents went nuts about it. Just like any vaccine, but especially given the sensitive nature of this one, it's been controversial...Some physicians are openly recommending it to their patients and some are not saying anything and giving it if requested...Hope this answers your questions..

 

Re: My decisions regarding my M...I think I've pretty much covered that in my posts since joining LS..As I said in my original post on this thread, I am well aware that some of you do not understand or agree w/ my decisions, but I love the input you all give..It's been invaluable to me. I only ask that people please try to keep to the subject at hand. Easier said then done, I know, but it also helps to keep everyone from bickering too much, IMO...Thanks for the input!

[outofdarkness]

Just so everyone is aware just because of condom usage you are not protected from ALL std's.

 

If you feel he or she is cheating, but the two of you use protection the just a regular std panel screen is sufficient. Testing every six months is advised by most clinics.

 

HIV is another story and one I am personally familiar with.

 

If you use condoms and do not have any condom failures (You will know when a condom breaks trust me) you are safe from HIV. If not you should try to test 8 weeks past exposer. The human antibodies to the HIV virus will usually show within 2-3 weeks after exposure. People with compromised immune systems (cancer patients etc.) will generally take longer.

 

Just wanted to share that.. hopefully it helps someone.

 

As far as the cheating spouse... I had a cheating ex.. She could not deny it either! I had a positive test to prove it:mad:

Yes, that was very helpful...I will definitely have the testing done every six months or so, at least until I feel that it is no longer warranted. Sorry to hear of your experience w/ HIV..It's none of my business whether or not it's you or a friend, or a family member..I just know that it is a devastating virus that shows no mercy to those that it inflicts...Thanks again for the input.

[Trialbyfire]

If you use condoms and do not have any condom failures (You will know when a condom breaks trust me) you are safe from HIV. If not you should try to test 8 weeks past exposer. The human antibodies to the HIV virus will usually show within 2-3 weeks after exposure. People with compromised immune systems (cancer patients etc.) will generally take longer.

It's actually three months (12 - 13 weeks) that's considered a conclusive test these days although some countries still consider the 6 month test conclusive.

 

OOD, we never had sex after D-day so I have no experiences beyond the tests that I took.

[rtHawk]

Regarding the CH using protection with the W, I don't know about anyone else, but with me, my H got very defensive and irritable when I even attempted to bring up the subject. I know, I should insist, but it's really hard to do when you have trusted someone for your whole life. Guess it's part of still being in "The Twilight Zone"..

 

Anyway, I appreciate any feedback, but I beg of you all please no posts bashing me for staying w/ him. I know that people don't understand and don't agree w/ my decision, and I understand why..Also, I know that I made my bed so to speak, and now must lay in it..Thanks for reading this and taking the time to post, if you do...

 

Dear OOD;

I am sorry you have to endure this, it is sad, it is painful and it is difficult!.

just wanted to say that the "twilight zone" is a safe place to have sometimes because the reality is always very painful, no matter how long ago, how much time has gone by and how forgiving you have been..

I know and understand.

and, no bashing; I too stayed even though we aren't married, we are in a long term R but I stayed for many of the right reasons and maybe for some of the wrong reasons.

I did not spend alot of time and energy constantly reminding him of D day as it was so counter productive .

I can understand and totally feel for you!

Getting tested is probably the constant reminder of d-day, but it is the constant reminder for him to remember what this has also caused for you in your life...did you tell him you were tested again????

It is important for him to know I think.

 

I get tested everyyear, I can never be certain that he hasn't cheated on me again. I can also tell you that condoms offer some protection for some STDs but not for all.

Genital Herpes can still be transmitted with a condom because the lesion can be so small or just in earliest stages and not just on the genital area but some where in the pubic, anal, leg area and so can still be transmitted.

 

I know that too; as I now have genital herpes because of his incident!

and when I found out what I had, my initial outbreak was worse than a flu, I was soooo sick with high fever and pain and horrible blister outbreak.

When I told him the results I told him that he has it as well and he actually had the nerve to ask me if I might have given it to him;

ugh, I hadn't slept with anyone else in our entire relationship!;that shut him up and so now he also has genital herpes....

yet, he doesn't get outbreaks nearly ever as much or severe as I do..go figure that one out... I had to go on Valtrex daily as I was getting them every month...miserble..

it has calmed down now for me off the valtrex as it was wrecking my stomach, but it is a permanent reminder. There were times I would just cry each time I had a new outbreak. the anger, the hurt.

It forced me to realize that no other man would probably want me as I now have this as well and so even if I did leave him, I am now have this to deal with....

the commercials for valtrex even make me cry ..

I still hope and pray he would not break a committment and cheat on me again, and possibly give herpes to some one else, but one can never know for certain, I can only hope he is a decent enought human being to not put anyone else at risk for this.

 

So, when you stayed, you weren't alone and you have you reasons; I did and do too.

Keep getting tested, let him know you do, the reality of STDs is much more real and grounding. Getting tested, if anything, gives you some sense peace. It does for me, and I tell him when I did and that my results are negative. He tells me I don't need to get HIV every-year ( I assume he used a condom) but I don't care, I need to know and let him know. The consequences are and can be HUGE .

hope this helps.

[outofdarkness]

Dear OOD;

I am sorry you have to endure this, it is sad, it is painful and it is difficult!.

just wanted to say that the "twilight zone" is a safe place to have sometimes because the reality is always very painful, no matter how long ago, how much time has gone by and how forgiving you have been..

I know and understand.

and, no bashing; I too stayed even though we aren't married, we are in a long term R but I stayed for many of the right reasons and maybe for some of the wrong reasons.

I did not spend alot of time and energy constantly reminding him of D day as it was so counter productive .

I can understand and totally feel for you!

Getting tested is probably the constant reminder of d-day, but it is the constant reminder for him to remember what this has also caused for you in your life...did you tell him you were tested again???? Yes, I did tell him that I was tested again, and he did not respond. I really expected him to be argumentative and defensive, but he was non responsive...I don't know what to make of that! I also asked that HE be tested again, but as far as I know, he has not.

It is important for him to know I think.

 

I get tested everyyear, I can never be certain that he hasn't cheated on me again. I can also tell you that s offer some protection for some STDs but not for all.

Genital Herpes can still be transmitted with a because the lesion can be so small or just in earliest stages and not just on the genital area but some where in the pubic, anal, leg area and so can still be transmitted. I got the mouth virus, whatever that's called. I mean the herpes virus that only attacks your mouth and lips, etc...Know it can spread to the other area, but so far, I have been lucky with this. I got it in college with only one severe outbreak..I too, was VERY sick from it w/ fever, chills, not to mention that my gums almost completely peeled off. I chalked it up to getting it from the dorm bathroom b/c this is what the Doc at my school infirmary told me. I had only dated my H and have still never been w/ anyone else. I have not ever even kissed anyone else, unless you count a few dates prior to us meeting as Junior and Senior in High School...So, I know now that most likely, it came from him..I don't know of any outbreaks that he's had, but there were long time periods throughout our 21 year M that we didn't have s-- for various reasons, mainly me being sick...I do have some health issues...NEVER thought in a million years that any of the health issues were b/c my H, then SO was cheating....Not even a hint of this..Of course, I could have been in the twilight zone then too! The other health issues are questionable and hard to prove after all of this time, but I do believe that many came from him and the OW's that he was w/...He is a serial cheater and everyone knows that this is the most dangerous kind...health wise I mean...

 

I know that too; as I now have genital herpes because of his incident!

and when I found out what I had, my initial outbreak was worse than a flu, I was soooo sick with high fever and pain and horrible blister outbreak.Do you have to have actual blisters to have an "outbreak" with the genital herpes? I thought I'd read that you can just have other milder symptoms w/out the actual blisters...I can google this I guess.

When I told him the results I told him that he has it as well and he actually had the nerve to ask me if I might have given it to him;

ugh, I hadn't slept with anyone else in our entire relationship!;that shut him up and so now he also has genital herpes....

yet, he doesn't get outbreaks nearly ever as much or severe as I do..go figure that one out... I had to go on Valtrex daily as I was getting them every month...miserble..

it has calmed down now for me off the valtrex as it was wrecking my stomach, but it is a permanent reminder. There were times I would just cry each time I had a new outbreak. the anger, the hurt.

It forced me to realize that no other man would probably want me as I now have this as well and so even if I did leave him, I am now have this to deal with....

the commercials for valtrex even make me cry ..

I still hope and pray he would not break a committment and cheat on me again, and possibly give herpes to some one else, but one can never know for certain, I can only hope he is a decent enought human being to not put anyone else at risk for this. I wouldn't count on that unfortunately...My H had convinced himself, as most serial cheaters do, that by only doing oral s--, he was somehow protected...Of course, I don't really believe this either..He had also told me he would NEVER date a MW, and this was a huge lie...There is so much shame and denial with s-- addicts, and I do believe that is what serial cheaters are for the most part. No, this does not excuse the behavior, but it is a wicked addiction and one that I have heard is the worst kind w/ only being above it...Got this info from professionals and recommended books..So, I'm pretty sure the info is reliable.

 

So, when you stayed, you weren't alone and you have you reasons; I did and do too.

Keep getting tested, let him know you do, the reality of STDs is much more real and grounding. Getting tested, if anything, gives you some sense peace. It does for me, and I tell him when I did and that my results are negative. He tells me I don't need to get HIV every-year ( I assume he used a ) but I don't care, I need to know and let him know. The consequences are and can be HUGE .

hope this helps.

Thank you so much for your heart felt, honest and supportive response. If we don't talk about this stuff, it just stays "stuffed"...There is such a stigma attached to STD, most especially HIV..IMO, many don't tell their partners or potential partners b/c of this. VERY SELFISH, but unfortunately, the truth...Most, I think are in denial and think to themselves, that happens to other people, not me! Well, NOT TRUE...STD's happen to people in all arenas of life..The wealthy, the poor, all ethnic groups, etc...It does not discriminate! Thanks again..Hope to hear from you again...

[hotgurl]

to RP: you can not get the HPV vaccine if you have already had HPV.

 

to OOD: I am sorry you have to deal with this. I went throught the same thing with a cheating ex.

 

Stds are a scary thing. And all too real these days. the statitcs are scary 1 in 5 people have herpes. 75% of peoples who are exuall active have HPV.

 

But good for you for getting tested a lot of people don't out of fear. I hope everythign is ok.

[rtHawk]

.did you tell him you were tested again???? Yes, I did tell him that I was tested again, and he did not respond. I really expected him to be argumentative and defensive, but he was non responsive...I don't know what to make of that! I also asked that HE be tested again, but as far as I know, he has not.

 

ah, silence; the sign of neither acknowledgement/understanding or remorse/understanding. Silence means no answer--no answer is no response and could also mean no action. Either he could get mad ( more a sign of guilt/blame) or he could acknowledge you and he doesn't..... that neutrality simply is a type of outward denial.

 

My SO, being a health professional somehow has some moral obligation to acknowledge this.... If he did not acknowledge me and what has happened as a result of this, I don't think I could have stayed with him.

 

OOD,

Do you have to have actual blisters to have an "outbreak" with the genital herpes? I thought I'd read that you can just have other milder symptoms w/out the actual blisters...I can google this I guess.

correct, you actually could not have any sign at all of having it, it could be very silent in some people and not show itself for months.... the outbreaks with blisters are most common but by all means not standard.

I think my SO might have had some under his pubic hair as men don't shave and might have been sick, but he never knew it and so transmitted it without knowing of it. It still isn't okay that it was without his knowlege, but nonetheless, he has it too, just isn't affected by it like me. It should have been the other way around, he should feel some suffering and discomfort from it, not me,,, afterall I have been and am faithful and loyal.

 

I think my SO may have cheated on me more than once, I just never knew; I think they might have been ONS.....

I want deeply to believe I have nothing to worry about anymore,

I have told him in case he didn't know, that once you have Herpes (Genital) your chance to acquire AIDS is much higher; statistical facts that have been demonstrated...

so, he and I are at a greater risk if he were to mess up.

He was very depressed after hearing about the Herpes, so there was at least some sense for me that he udnerstood the consequences. He had seem me with horrible stomach cramps lasting hours from the valtrex.

I don't know, no one should ever want to hurt someone knowingly like this.

 

. I wouldn't count on that unfortunately...My H had convinced himself, as most serial cheaters do, that by only doing oral s--, he was somehow protected...Of course, I don't really believe this either..He had also told me he would NEVER date a MW, and this was a huge lie...There is so much shame and denial with s-- addicts, and I do believe that is what serial cheaters are for the most part. No, this does not excuse the behavior, but it is a wicked addiction and one that I have heard is the worst kind w/ only being above it...Got this info from professionals and recommended books..So, I'm pretty sure the info is reliable.

Oh Dear OOD, I am so sorry that you endure what you do. I don't know how you cope. At least I believe or so hope you understand that this is not about you and because of you. This is his disease. It is just different than a physical type that you ended up with because of bad genes...

You being sick and having health issues, but of course, that certainly has so much to do with it,... what you were being exposed to all the time and even if in your mind you did not know what was going on, the spirit, the energy the truth was not healthy and that too does and will affect your health and wellbeing.

 

I give you hugs for all you have and continue to go thru.

 

I want to trust and want to beleive that I don't have to ever worry again, but truth is, it is not so. I cannot live to fret and worry and be in fear, but at the same time, I am not one who would say, he wouldn't do that again.

If it happened once, it can again. I have to hope and pray he KNOWS the damage done and the risks would out weigh all the momentary pleasure of an orgasm.

ugh, it hurts, it is still of anger and it waxes and wanes, but it is difficult.

He was away on a business trip first time since Dday and all I can think about is that he would cheat, did he cheat, and tho I can't talk with him about it, it is my fear.

 

Thank you so much for your heart felt, honest and supportive response. If we don't talk about this stuff, it just stays "stuffed"...There is such a stigma attached to STD, most especially HIV..IMO, many don't tell their partners or potential partners b/c of this. VERY SELFISH, but unfortunately, the truth...Most, I think are in denial and think to themselves, that happens to other people, not me! Well, NOT TRUE...STD's happen to people in all arenas of life..The wealthy, the poor, all ethnic groups, etc...It does not discriminate! Thanks again..Hope to hear from you again...

 

and to you as well. and so true! the truth is, the persons who suffer the stigma most are usually the ones who were the innocent recipients of the transmission.

It doesn't discriminate.... my SO comes from a professional family, is a professional himself and is revered by his peers and colleagues..

hmmmm; if they only knew. Thankfully, all he did get and give me was Herpes and nothing worse....

 

anyone reading this, and is cheating or thinking about it, THINK AGAIN...IT COULD YOUR OWN HEALTH YOU COMPROMISE.

 

HUGS TO YOU OOD!

[outofdarkness]

Thanks to ALL who responded on this thread..It was and hopefully, will continue to be extremely informative and supportive for me...and others, I hope! It's such a sensitive subject, and one that I myself, do not open up about easily..It helps to know that I'm not so alone, and it helps alot to be informed..I can deal w/ something much easier if I understand it...THAT is hal of the battle IMO..

 

Please keep the feedback coming...

[whichwayisup]

You're not alone, not ever!

 

Tons of hugs for you OOD...

[dbtmarley]

It's actually three months (12 - 13 weeks) that's considered a conclusive test these days although some countries still consider the 6 month test conclusive.

 

OOD, we never had sex after D-day so I have no experiences beyond the tests that I took.

 

 

You are absolutely correct! Although most newly infected people will show between the 2-3 week mark, the 13 week test after last exposure is considered conclusive.

 

You are also correct that some contries and even some doctors here still only consider 6 month a definitive answer.

 

Sucks either way I guess... the waiting part that is..haha!