crushedMan Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 For those of you have not read my original thread So it has been 1 month since my wife said it was over and that she wanted to see other people. A couple of rough days went by since that fateful day and it was just getting to be unbearable. I took some action and secured myself financially and tried to bear up emotionally. I finally left the house and am crashing at a friend's house for now. I didn't contact her through the phone and she has called me. We have exchanged emails though. I have tried to be as nice as possible and I know some of you would say not to be but I am still in the phase of hoping/caring/grieving somewhat. She called me over the weekend and when I called her back she seemed upset and she was not home and I have the idea she was out seeing someone else but didn't seem happy about it I asked her if she was ok, and she just said that she needed to grow up. I went by the house today after she and I had spoken in the morning and she told me that she missed me and loved me. I said the same in response. I know that from the advice I read that I should be doing NC but it is difficult to do. So I went to the house and we didn't really have a conversation at all. She seems and also stated that she is confused and at times did have a bit of an attitude but I think it is because she may realize how much of a mistake she has made. I have told her that we're close to the point where the amount of time that goes by will not allow us to reverse the current course our relationship is on. She even stated to me that she is afraid that if we get back that I will always resent her for what she has done. The problem is that while I feel hurt and angry I know that I could get past it but the only way to do it would be for her to end all contact with any men she has met. This includes one man who she is supposed to work for in some sales business and she told me that with him something romantic already occurred. She says that she would want to continue working for him if she in fact does go with the job, but that she would not continue that type of relationship with him. I know that she has to cutoff all contact with this man and other men before I can think of moving forward. This means she would have to change her phone number, kill her myspace account and current email and again not work in this job. Either that or it is open to me and there cannot be any ANY secrets between us whatsoever. Personally I know there is not a good chance of us making it. I also feel and someone correct if I am wrong here. I think that her "need" to find herself or see other people is a direct result of her possible fear of settling down in life - having children and buying a house. I can't say that for 100% certain but I have that thought somewhere in my head. And, no I am not making excuses for what she did to me. I am just trying to put it all together in my head so can clear out the bs and start looking forward and not backward. 1. Am I nuts for even considering this? 2. Am I nuts for demanding so much? 3. Am I just nuts because I miss the life I thought I would have and exists no more at this point? 4. Should I go NC? 5. How much more time do I give it before I begin to move on and look forward?
Woggle Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Yes you are making a mistake. Once a woman has it in her head that she wants out that thought will never leave her head even if she goes back. Just cut your losses and let her go becaus she will be nothing but headaches.
Pyro Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 For those of you have not read my original thread So it has been 1 month since my wife said it was over and that she wanted to see other people. A couple of rough days went by since that fateful day and it was just getting to be unbearable. I took some action and secured myself financially and tried to bear up emotionally. I finally left the house and am crashing at a friend's house for now. I didn't contact her through the phone and she has called me. We have exchanged emails though. I have tried to be as nice as possible and I know some of you would say not to be but I am still in the phase of hoping/caring/grieving somewhat. She called me over the weekend and when I called her back she seemed upset and she was not home and I have the idea she was out seeing someone else but didn't seem happy about it I asked her if she was ok, and she just said that she needed to grow up. I went by the house today after she and I had spoken in the morning and she told me that she missed me and loved me. I said the same in response. I know that from the advice I read that I should be doing NC but it is difficult to do. So I went to the house and we didn't really have a conversation at all. She seems and also stated that she is confused and at times did have a bit of an attitude but I think it is because she may realize how much of a mistake she has made. I have told her that we're close to the point where the amount of time that goes by will not allow us to reverse the current course our relationship is on. She even stated to me that she is afraid that if we get back that I will always resent her for what she has done. The problem is that while I feel hurt and angry I know that I could get past it but the only way to do it would be for her to end all contact with any men she has met. This includes one man who she is supposed to work for in some sales business and she told me that with him something romantic already occurred. She says that she would want to continue working for him if she in fact does go with the job, but that she would not continue that type of relationship with him. I know that she has to cutoff all contact with this man and other men before I can think of moving forward. This means she would have to change her phone number, kill her myspace account and current email and again not work in this job. Either that or it is open to me and there cannot be any ANY secrets between us whatsoever. Personally I know there is not a good chance of us making it. I also feel and someone correct if I am wrong here. I think that her "need" to find herself or see other people is a direct result of her possible fear of settling down in life - having children and buying a house. I can't say that for 100% certain but I have that thought somewhere in my head. And, no I am not making excuses for what she did to me. I am just trying to put it all together in my head so can clear out the bs and start looking forward and not backward. 1. Am I nuts for even considering this? 2. Am I nuts for demanding so much? 3. Am I just nuts because I miss the life I thought I would have and exists no more at this point? 4. Should I go NC? 5. How much more time do I give it before I begin to move on and look forward? Its sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and yes she does have some growing to do. Don't consider getting back together with her until she figures out what she wants and even then, I would recommend marriage counselling.
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